Submitted by: Whitney
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Submitted by: Whitney
Repost of the year?
I don’t recall this one. If it is a repost, it’s worth reposting. The last two sentences are priceless.
Oh, and thanks for this one, Aaron!
*moderated winking emoticon goes here
He moderated me because I said I saw it on another website a while ago. Really, Aaron?
The moderation is automated (stupid) and he doesn’t review the moderated posts.
And I’m just curious, how is Oatmeal doing?
Doing very well, very kind of you to ask.
And Jibble?
Sweaty but great!
great and sweeeeeeeeeeeeet with a side of zing.
I wish I was sweaty but instead I am kinda cold. F-ck European summer
HORY SHET 40 C? i think i would die
Try 50 C
I think it’s around 120 F. 36.7 C sounds lovely though, I’m looking forward to summer!
O_O where is it 120 F???? i shall be staying far away from there, except in the dead of winter.
Agreed! This is amazing!
Third!!
Fort!
Ketchup!
Grave!
Steaksauce!
Tomb!
Catsup!
C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Poopsauce!
chowder
hummus
dammit sauce
pwnt
pwnd
TOO…MUCH…WIN…*head explodes*
*tapes Bigfoot head back together with duck tape*.
Duct
Nope, it’s duck. Duck is a tightly-woven cotton fabric, the original backing material of “duck tape.” People thought that couldn’t be right, and started calling it duct tape because it seemed like it must be for ducts.
It’s good for a lot of things, but lousy for ducts.
Duck Tape is a brand of Duct Tape , I’m sure they make other tapes too. Like how Kleenex is a brand of tissue but most people call all tissue Kleenex.
*Duck is unimpressed at being used as tape*
Here are your internetz, good sir.
+10
*Wonders if people actually think that duct tape is spelled “duck tape.”*
Actually there is now a brand called “Duck Tape”…
Actually, there is a brand of duct tape called Duck Tape, so it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that one would be using Duck Tape duct tape.
Gorrilla Glue makes a Duct tape, so it could be Gorrilla-Duck duct tape, if you used two kinds of duct tape. the Tape Being Gorrilla Glue Duct tape and Duck Tape Duct Tape… I believe the word “Tape” has lost all meaning to me now…
That, my friend, is called inter-specie relationships and tends to lead to some interesting pheonomena.
Actually, there is a brand of duct tape called Duck Tape.
Actually, both Duct Tape and Duck Tape are fine. Almost immediately after it was introduced during WWII, soldiers found it was fantastic for sealing ammo boxes as the water slid of the tape as it would off a duck’s plumage. Both “Duct” tape and “Duck” tape have been used interchangably since the tape’s inception.
Actually, I’m pretty sure “Duck Tape” is a brand of duct tape.
Couldve sworn that there was a brand called duck tape.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duct_tape – Both names are fine. Leave it to the Internet to solve a 70 year old argument! Now enough with the duck stuff!
FAITH IN HUMANITY LEVELS: 2% HIGHER.
i said i hate people, but this is a little ray of sunshine.
You forgot this statistic:
Current faith in humanity: 1%.
:3
^ This. (Lawerence of Russia’s post (not Lawrence).)
Lol.
And that would mean I don’t have to destroy you all anyway? Aw, I even prepared dinosaurs. Dinosaurs!
Don’t worry, we’ll destroy ourselves in good time.
In good time.
^This (lawerence’s post)
The best post ever to be posted (or reposted).
Yes, much best.
Yes. Reposting this posted post is the best post ever to be posted.
*re-reposted
*re-reposted post
*post-re-reposted post
This is just a tribute
I can’t even remember what the topic of the original post was.
Tell him > Did He Get Told? > Yes > OH SNAP!
O my god graphjam is taking over the world *explodes*
People with the last name Johanson are the best, clearly.
Know who else is the best? Your sister in bed.
I’VE HAD BETTER.
Win
Ducks are better than his sister?
At least they like it in the quack.
^
That quacked me up!
the comment question of the day?
Repost or not, this is awesome.
That went from a fail to a sick burn to an epic burn in no time flat.
*Fail because he blamed the teacher for him failing. Larry still needs summer school.
Larry needs more than summer school.
He needs to the heck?
The Heck needs to him!
+1
Should i send this proposal to him sir?
The job of secretary is already taken. Sorry.
But we need a new one, Mary has disappeared.
Fine, ill take butler.
Good enough.
And for the record, Justin Case is Secretary of the internet. It’s kinda hard since he’s also Attrolney, but he’s awesome enough to handle both jobs.
the teacher wins at the internet.
BURN!
I wish that my teachers were as cool as Mrs. Johanson.
This
Mrs. Johanson is now my favorite teacher, too.
BURN!
I wish that my teachers in school were as cool as Mrs. Johanson.
So much so that you posted it twice?
Reposts FTW!!
So much so that you posted it twice?
…. wait….
Ha you Also posted twice…..idiot
Can’t tell if trolling or just very stupid…
Damn right!
‘Submitted by: Whitney’ aka Johanson…
That blur on Mrs. Johanson’s name is not long enough to contain the word “Whitney”, So, her first name is probably like Emma or Anne or something.
You so smart
*Your
Whose smart? His smart?
Mine. My smart.
*You’re
*Ua’or’re
I am so smart. S-M-R-T
Mr. Dr. Professor uuumm, PhD (at law), and I approve this message
*I’m
Seconded
I’d tap Mrs. Johanson!
Especially if her f’rst name is Scarlet.
Thats the best block ever
This is funny because
INB4 ROBOTS
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Well played Mr Lawerence. I see your Because Fu is very strong indeed.
*El Fua
No.
Chi?
Que?
*Albuquerque
wow. typed like a native.
EVERYTHING WAS JUUUUUUUST PEACHY!
*Peary
As a teacher, I can only say this. THAT WAS AWESOME.
As someone who likes poking fun at teachers, would it have not been correct to use a colon instead of a period? I’m going to assume that you aren’t an English teacher…
Win.
I’d have used an ellipsis, but hey. It’s all good.
Let me just clarify something real quick:
I am not a Pirate, I am Yakov
Smirnoff in a Fedora, okay?
*Absolut in a fez
*Sobieski in a Toboggan
Is there not a deck that needs swabbing somewhere?
BECAUSE YOU ARE A PIRATE, YAR HAR FIDDLE DI DEE!
BWAHAHAHA!
*googles yakov smirnoff*
Oh yeah, you are!
In America, you Google, in Soviet Russia, Google you!
In @merica, you Google, in Soviet Russia, Google you!
Cheezus that one is bad.
Arrr.
*smacks parrot*
Yar har har.
In Soviet Russia, you do find Chuck Norris.
In yo face, Bithc!
I’m picturing Eddie Griffin in ‘The New Guy’, “Who’s the biatch now?!” Complete with head motions.
I’m picturing that video of that monkey doing a frog, “Who’s the frog now?” Complete with hip motions.
She was on a roll ’til she got to the “single and unemployed” part. Unemployed, maybe, but being single hardly says anything negative about one’s character.
I now expect to get teased by people assuming I’m single. XD
These days, being single says more than being unemployed.
The fact that he’s old enough that his classmates are having a reunion (I’m not going to make the assumption that he actually graduated) and is still typing like that says even more than being single OR unemployed, and probably goes a long way towards explaining both.
Oh balls. I’m single AND unemployed. What’s to become of me?
*runs off and hides behind tree*
Ah.. but we can infer that Larry is single and unemployed because he’s too busy re-living bitter moments from HS to get a life now. Totally different from all the other single and unemployed folks on Failbook.
*joins random guy behind tree*
I’m a girl
at least you can spell.
at least i have chicken
Damnit Leeroy, damnit.
Dammit*
Actually I’m hi-fiving you for even admitting it.
I’m single. By choice. I’m currently waiting on the gene pool to be drained.
As far as unemployed, I’ve been there several times in the past 8 years due to layoffs and closings. And even with a degree I’ve been out of work for 3 months at the most. It happens.
In Larry’s case, to call him out on it is fitting. For a guy who feels bold now to lash out at his high school teacher, and of course the atrocious spelling, He had to have his kneecaps taken out at a level that he could understand (and assuming that she hasn’t seen his “peter”, she couldn’t validly call him out for that).
Single by choice as well and still too busy at uni to work. I live in a magical kingdom where students are actually paid to go to school
But honestly there is no shame in being single or jobless. The financial crisis has left a lot of good people unemployed
On the flip-side of that, Wal-Mart is always hiring. I make $12 an hour jockeying a register. There is work to be found, you just have to recognize that you aren’t too good to do it.
Did anyone else notice she missed a comma?
right after “Obviously”?
Yes! *moderated smiley because someone else saw it*
That comma is optional. I’d've used it, but it’s a matter of style.
Teacher win!
Awesome stuff!!
Hah? Since when is being unemplyed a bad thing? I know that dogs favor having a master, but humans too?
(Don’t start about the money, maybe he has his started his own company or won the lotery who knows. Unemployed = good, poor = bad IMO. the 2 often go together but not always…. a few can be unemployed and rich .)
let me guess…
No need to guess. Spelled out all to well.
*too (for shame)
I am unemployed and rich? If you say I’m unemployed because I say it’s good then surely I must be rich too because I say being poor is bad?
Your troll detector is broken or needs new batteries.
Thanks.
Should i pick you up some new batteries sir?
yeah, you go ahead and believe that… **pats head**
and if you started your own company, you wouldn’t be unemployed, seeing as you just started your own company.
Obvious answer is absolutely hilarious. xD
“A few” is the key phrase here. Unemployed usually means A. lazy and lives with mom or B. poor.
Or both
or C. had a decent job but was but out of work in the economical downfall we are currently experiencing…
…just saying.
*unimplied
Yeah, I totally believe that guy started his own company.
I GO TO CHS!!!
Dear God,
I don’t ask you for much, but I am pleading with you, please let this be real.
Love this teacher!
Zinger of the decade goes to Mrs. Johanson.
WINNER FOR BEST POST OF THE DECADE!!!!!!
yo dont mess wth mrs joh gottit
First post I’ve ever been compelled to comment on. Seriously, greatest teacher ever.
damn she should get a teacher of the year award haha. thats epic
Bithc, as in getting the amount of thc of two blunts by just smoking one blunt? Or a compound of two thc molecules, but that would be di-thc, I guess…Wait, why is the keyboard staring at me while my ashtray makes funny gestures…OMG…I hear the walls laughing….
O W N E D
^^
Larry just got pwned!
I usually dont respond to these things, but this response by this teacher was just to wonderful. You just have to love teachers like this! She was apparently a very good teacher, and this is one giant looser who she called out to everyone while he was trying to be a jerk.
*loooooooooooooooooser
(actually, “loser”)
I usually dont respond to these things, but this response by this teacher was just to wonderful. You just have to love teachers like this! She was apparently a very good teacher, and this is one giant looser who she called out to everyone while he was trying to be a jerk.
In the secolnd line, it is spelled too.
In the third line, loser only has one o in it.
- From your friendly neighborhood grammar nazi.
“Nazi” should be capitalized.
MRS. JOHNSON!!! Will you pretty please friend me!!!
Hi, Larry. Your response is a tad bit late.
^this
Love it!
omfg u guiz are all bithcs
I am interested in the person who said he was cold, and blamed it on the European summer, I was just wondering if you are actaully feeling cold, as in shivering and wanting to put a scarf and gloves and hat on, or if you are just saying it’s not like 105 degrees, cuz if it’s the former it maybe that you have something wrong with you, like you are close to death or something. Europe is a big place it would depend where you are, if it was like Spain, Greece or Portugal and you are cold you may have problems, but if it’s say Scotland, then I am afraid 65 Degrees is considered a heatwave, and if you are used to warmer climes it can be a bit of a shock, just wait until September. I can wait until they sort out this global warming so I can finaly clear some of the ice from my path.
tl;dr
WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS DANGEROUSLY HIGH AMOUNTS OF WIN.
Epic.
……..LIKE A BOSS.
BURN! I hated it when my high school classmates blamed their teachers for failing, so this made me laugh super hard!
She’s forgetting that unemployed people have lots of time to come up with plans to retaliate.
is this from chaparral high school? the teacher sounds familiar lol.
He may be single and unemployed, but at least he isn’t an English teacher.
I’m pretty sure there is a brand of duct tape called Duck Tape.
Safe to assume that if said student has been out long enough for his class to have a reunion, she’s safe…
–one could argue that if it were a student she’d taught the previous term and was still at the school or one who had graduated the past year the student or his ‘Mommy and Daddy’ could have grounds for claiming her bias affected his ranking in the class…
– as to “not exactly professional behavior”… she’s either no longer employed there… or having been an established teacher 5+ years back most studnets in my day didn’t hate on the rookie teachers, and earliest reunions I’ve heard of are at 5 years) and still on staff she could have tenure which means that save for bleeding heart parents with clout she could probably call him a B*tch to his face in class and be safe
PWNED BYT HE ENGLISH TEACHER!!!
Absolute destruction.
GO MRS. JOHANSON!
this is defiantly a win! :3
let’s see if this post will make it to 10000 thumbs ups!
I want that teacher.
Dude, she’s not THAT hot!
Over 9000 likes.
oh man that is almighty win for sure.
Ms. J for the winningest win that has ever won!
SO. MUCH. WIN.
Make fun of ALL the students!
Unfortunately Ms. Johanson made a typo herself. She meant couldn’t not “could”. Ms. Johanson is the one with the degree and missed that while insulting Larry for his typos. Kettle, meet pot. Though I got a nice giggle out of her responses to him. He deserved it.
no, she meant could. re-read it
I liked this with the force of 1,000,000,000,000,000 suns.
Ms. J, you are now one of the coolest teachers on Facebook.