Submitted by: Rick Conrad
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Submitted by: Rick Conrad
I… can’t… stop… laughing…
Good morning sweety. I will get the oxygen.
oh thanks… I think I’m feeling better now XD
wait, that’s not oxygen, it’s NITROUS OXIDE GAS!
Oh the Humanity
*Hugh Manatee
*Hugs Manlypea
*Huge Mans Pee
C-C-C-C-C-C-C-… oh, forget it.
C-C-C-C-CLAP YOUR HANDS!
I HATE YOU, and the world
Oh what a nice new avatar pic!
How do you change your avatar?
Alt and f4
I see what you did there…………………(although I still don’t know what that key combo does)
It closes you’re windows.
Go on….
And your doors!
billy says it’s *their
there*
Hello, Cadi! No need to stop, laughter is good!
I agree, but I also need some air : )
gives sweetcadi mouth to mouth.
oh dear
I think I’m falling in love…
You accidentally your whole asterisks
*@ss to mouth
“You never go @ss to mouth!”
“Sometimes, in the heat of passion, it’s okay to go @ss to mouth.”
ASS
You didn’t have to announce yourself, we already knew that.
Ab-so-lute-ly!
penis
A rabbit and skunk walk in to a bar.
barkeeper says, “Why the long face?”
Two dyslexics walk into a bra.
Barkeeper says, “Hleo trhee, what cna i tge yuo?”
*brakeeper
That was no lady, that was my wife!
Well she didnt keep her bra for long. DIVORCE THE HO!
bra peeker?
You rang? i have all types of bras from all types of people , yes , even your mom~!
What happened to them?
*Did they died?
I’m sorry, that’s classified information.
Wrong post. Look at the previous one.
A sandwich walks into a bar. Bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Two fish are in a tank. One asks the other, “How d’you drive this thing?”
What did the fish say to the other fish when he hit his head “DAM”
*Dan
Monks prevented from selling flower arrangements at Playboy Mansion
=
Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
A man walks into a bar with $1. The bartender says, “Sorry. Beer costs 2 dollars.” The man walks outside and jumps in front of a car because he was a severe alcoholic becoming extremely depressed due to withdrawals.
HA HABartender says: “What, is this some kind of joke?”
f!rst @am3rican s@mmich?
morning cebuspoop. Got your happy face on?
Torch.. how do you manage to get everyones name right… except n00bs?? lmao
Maybe he has a crush on n00bs : (
Did I mess up?
I have long fingers….type way to fast…..and keep my head when I am typing….Hehehehhehe
How do you go about “keeping your head”?
At my age I have both wit and wisdom.
i like to have wit and wisdom when i shove my finger up will smith’s butt and make you smell it
*I think he’s Mitch Buchannon*
*B¡tch Machoman
(O_O)
R.I.P. Randy Savage.
How do YOU go about “keeping MY head”?
*Giggles*
*giving me
We’re not not quite at that point………………yet………………………..
You have long fingers ARRGHH
Tell me you play the piano, live in Europe and are about 28…
Woman, 28 years old are so immature still. Europe standards are slowly sliding into the sea.
*psst* don’t say that in front of the kids!! I’ll tell you a secret if I can message you privately…
trannie!!!
Smooth.
i learned by absorbing knowledge from watching you ; )
high 5!
You’re certainly no ShamWow.
say what????
:’ (
*dries tears*
left is only a sad face.
*have some chocolate*
left is only a fat face… that’s happy
: )
I just want to know if you’ll be mine forever…
Slow down girl, we have all night. And we will need to have hand checks.
hmmmm hand checks?
Ohhhh *blushes*
^did she org@smed?
Yes.
WIN
A, want to be next?
Mmm yes please.
safetylolno.
I’m shpecial.
Yes indeed.
: D
*Yes indeedlydooda
what is going on @ all above? XD
Well, there was a train wreck and teh n00b survived, so she’s shpecial. She and her fish called winnie wouse.
a white man, a black man, and a chinese man walk into a bar, and then proceed to reinforce racial stereotypes- LIKE A BAWSE!
Yeah, okay, no…
Not your what? Your name, that is. What’s not mine? Is it not my cheese?
I LOVE that one!
That one about women’s rights never fails to crack me up!
for once, i don’t get the joke. sense of humor fail
WTAF, every comment i’ve made today has been moderated. meanwhile, people are posting 10-page gibberish comments? hell with that.
cebus…Karma
calm blue ocean.
serene green sea
serene gree sea
how nice, double posts, in the wrong place : /
I can do the same with penis.
You mean you can D.P. in the same manner (the abbreviation was necessary)
why was it necessary?
mods?
Mine are disappearing. But I’m not banned. I don’t think. Maybe we need to talk all mushy and hit on each other. Or finger/place/sniff? Or post 50 pages of jibberish.
hit
Miss
well if you missed, that’s your problem…
*sh¡t
I know. I’m speechless too!
Oh wait, I mean “…”
wtf dude. i slow-scrolled through that, each second expecting the end to be next… and next… and next…
Sry.
FTW!
Punch in your massive disgusting body
Ouch………………………
JK, it won’t hurt him. He has enough mass to absorb the force no problem.
U mad bro?
reply button is broken
lol Wut?
was
overused meme is overused <-just like this one
And you bet your hairless nut sack cebuspoop was mad. How would you like to have your simian feces moderated all day. He should be able to fling poo freely!
U mad?
I p00ped. What did you think that dark smelly stuff on your head was? o_0
Did you cebuspooped?
It’s all right, cebuspoop! Don’t give up!
lol i don’t get it either… how is that a pun?
uhmm… that’s not a pun…
a man walks into a bar
.
.
.
.
He has four children and an alcohol problem.
That was one of the saddest things to ever make me laugh.
You’re not the only one.
^
What does “^” alone mean?
Ok ok I shouldn’t but….and stop me if you’ve heard this….”what’s the best way to stop a baby from drowning??”
…..shoot it. Too soon?
It’s never too soon to shot a baby.
What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Stolen. You’re under arrest.
i love anti-joke chicken <3
*E>
is that your stone cold heart?
Where do you find a Tyrannosaurus Rex?
Wherever you left it.
What do you call 5 Mexicans in quicksand?
A dangerous situation that could turn tragic at any moment.
A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar…
The imam has a glass of water. Muslims do not drink alcohol.
In the Middle East, a priest, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.
Each one is offended by what he sees.
Members of other faiths?
What do you call a g@y black man with one leg?
Preferably by his first name.
You show them, Jibble!
Whatever you want, he’ll never be able to catch you.
That’s just plain racist, Dan. Jeez, what a jerk.
what have I done???
Not racist, just whatever you call someone who’s against disabled people.
There are three people in a car: Shut up, Sh!t, and Manners.
Their car crashes, and Sh!t falls out. Manners goes to help him up, and Shut up asks a policeman for help. The policeman asks “What’s your name?”
Shut up replies “Shut up.”
“Don’t you dare speak like that to me! I’m giving you one more chance. What is your name?”
“Shut up.”
The policeman asks “Where are your Manners?”
Shut up replies “Over there, picking up Sh!t.”
Oh man! I haven’t heard that one since 1997. Good times.
I wasn’t even alive back then!
YOU DON’T SAY
don’t say what?
That on television.
Jibble you have just made my day.
Is he married? :-O
I tried to say yes, but it said “duplicate comment detected, it appears you already said that”
so, no.
Does anyone else not find the sexist jokes that frequent Failbook funny?
Probably. Wouldn’t really know myself…
Shut it woman.
█▀█▄█▀██▀█▄█▀█Is this a Rorschach test? If so, I see Space Invaders.
Me, too.
Me tenth
Me is really cool!
Oh yeah, me is eleventy-billionth.
elventy-billonth and onerd.
It should have been a fish but I am a horny old douche…
█▀█▄██▄█▀█There I fixed it!
I know.
teh d00che…..you’ve changed. You look like Zomie presidon’t.
I kind of miss the angry, partying lemon… but this one will do.
I miss the party lemon too! He always looked so disgruntled with his little hat…
The background story of my new avatar:
Charlton Heston was annoyed by the bad ass motherf*cking fruit and so he has eaten the lemon (including the hat). The lemon was very sour hence the face Heston’s making. Also he farted that’s why it’s all green.
I miss the party lemon he was cute
That doesn’t explain the boob.
I knew you would find it and point at it ƒirst. I really don’t know, it’s just there, I like boobs, that’s all…
Nope. It’s just you.
I sure don’t. They’re just old.
Not really. I was on board with this post until I got to the end.
I post on your board
A baby seal walk into a club…
heheh
LOLOLOLOL classic.
A piece of string walks into a bar, asks the bartender for a drink and the bartender says we don’t serve string here. String walks into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot and frays his ends. The string walks back out to the bartender and asks for another drink. Bartender says aren’t you the piece of string that was just in here? String replys ‘fraid not!
I do like this joke, though I heard it with “rope” instead of string. It was also a bit more elaborate.
A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and it is destroying his family.
A man walks into a bar. He suffers brain damage, and has to be kept on life support. The family’s life savings are slowly drained in the futile attempt to save him.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Lots of stuff, really. You could have a shirt with those three colors. Heck even a car! How cool would THAT be?
I have soiled my underpants just thinking about it.
a dalmation pattern tampon?(too far?)
A man walks into a bar…no, wait, it was a horse. A man walks into a horse…
beastiality
I’m on a horse. /oldspicetheme
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because she felt like it.
What is black, blue, and red all over? A zombie falling down the stairs.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? Because he was waiting for the bus.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Jibble.
Jibble who?
No, it’s just me, Jibble. Can I come in?
kthxby!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
FVCK YOU, THAT’S WHO!
wait wait! I’ve got the best knock knock -joke ever! Wanna hear?
Okay, now you start!
knock knock!
Who’s there?
Naughty Adultress
well hello, can i come in?
You can, but you’ll regret it for 18 years and 9 months.
LOL-tastic!!!
*adds to personal bad joke list*
you must be americ@n
damnit, she is too XD
Why must I be?
Maybe because you don’t use a condom? No idea…
ding ding ding
winner winner chicken dinner
A blond is locked out of her car. Calls her friend to get help….”hurry, it’s starting to rain and the top’s down.”
the “3 blondes come across some tracks in the woods” one is still my favorite.
I still don’t get that one.
I still haven’t heard that one.
They are train tracks, the blonde dieded. Twas a true story happened by my house.
What are train tracks?
they are the pawprints of the elusive train jugulaar!
3 nuns in the shower. One says “where’s the soap?” The other 2 look down and say “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?”
I think this one’s my favorite.
Gurgle gurgle! AHHHH… bleach!
Shawn’s a 40 year old virgin right?
It’s always the bitter ones.
PIKACHU!!!!!!!!!!!!
no, arekusu-san
sumimasen
DESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDEYOUHAVEDISCOVEREDASECRETMESSAGEHAVEACOOKIE
I see suede dudes
LOL
I won’t PEEK-AT-YOU (PIK-A-CHU) in the shower.
If I do, I’ll RAICHU (Write you) a love poem.
And then GARGOYLE (Puke) my meal from this morning.
Before SHOOT-ING (Myself) in the face.
WIN
Waitqsdqsd…
Dere vere zwei peanuts, valking down der straße, und vun vas assaulted… peanut. Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
Ja! HAHAHA! Ja!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, DAN??!!!!
LOL, i see …
I don’t. I’m blind!!!!
Can you translate it into german oder english for me?
no, that’s why i laughed
*curls in agony after reading Dan’s joke* Du seist verflucht! Argh…das sind unlautere Kampfmaßnahmen…gnah..
Yo mama’s so ugly….
no one is all that interested in dating her.
love anti-jokes…
Yo mama’s so ugly….
I dressed up as her for Halloween.
love jokes…
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
Because someone told him to get along little doggie.
Good one, made me smile.
Yo mama’s so poor…
she’s on welfare.
ROFL! Love it.
Yo Mama’s so fat…
When she sits around the house, she literally ‘sits around the house’.
Yo Mama’s so fat…
She almost had a heart attack from farting in her sleep.
yo mama’s so old.
she doesn’t have many years left.
Your mamas so fat.
wow..
*nerd jokes warning*
What do I and a neutrino have in common? We’re both constantly penetrating your mom, even though she’s so ugly that not even fluorine would bond with her.
Chemical BURN
htt p://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100719012133/uncyclopedia/images
/b/bb/Kid1.gif
THAT is how Harry Potter should defeat Volde… I mean, He Who Must Not Be Named. It might work against a grue, but this hasn’t been tested and is very dangerous.
htt p://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Random
RaNdOm PaGe Of StUpIdItY
htt p://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Why%3F:My_homework_was_late
What to say when your homework is late (I know I keep referencing to Uncyclopedia links)
Don’t stop – it’s pretty damn funny.
I got one: if you jump from a bringe in Paris you are in Seine.
A wild eyedongeeteet appears
Am I the first one to notice the League of Legends joke in there? (The one with time and fruit flies is a direct quote from a character, Zilean, in said computer game).
Dammit, they screwed up the “time flies” joke. It should go like this:
Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like bananas.
Funnier this way.
What is white and disrupts your breakfast?
¡ǝɥɔuɐlɐʌɐ uɐ
They should all be PUNished!!!
The comments are starting to look like undersexed trolls in desperate need for attention. Sheesh, people.
What is this? A comment from January 2009? lol
Oh, I get it! They’re all jokes, including women’s rights.
-.– — ..- .-.. — … – . -.. – …. . –. .- — .
awkward how im in this
That last comment had me in tears for hours, happiest day of my life.
LMFAO! the last one is the best, I’ve done something like this myself :’)
Best joke ever;
Your penis size.
B)