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Submitted by: Unknown
Via: Endless Origami
meh.
What about the Political Nuts?
got yer nuts right here, big fella
lol!!! best comment ever!!
At least I still have my Third Eye…………………..
…but it’s ON FIIIIIIIIIRRREEEEE
so he can see HELLLLLLLL!!!
PRYING OPEN MY THIRD EYE
learn to swim
Push the envelope, watch it bend
Or those people that are like:
“U gotz 2 luv dis rapper or I put a bullet n ur brainz, cuz dis rapper iz da best.”
You know, the people with no sense of grammar that want you to only like one thing.
What about the fools that use a billion punctuation marks?
“HEY!!!! Wassup..!?? How U been!!?!”
*facepalm*
“HEYYY!!!!!!!!!!~ wassupppppp..?~!!?? How u beeeeen??????”*
“dattttttsssdds beettttatsstaaaaaa”
Drongo, a translation for the dimwits, please?
Yuo’se Cannts talckess lieyks Drongoes veery welles cannes yoouse?
i live in scotland. everyone talks like that.
“You cant talk like Drongo very well, can you.”
Or people who use ” *facepalm* “
Facepalming is for the weak. I headdesk.
headdesk kills brain cells in an unconventional way. i drankdrink
“He wrote with 5 exclamation marks? Surely the sign of a madman!”
– Terry pratchett
It’s actually idiosyncratic grammar, or even AAVE, depending on the speaker. But I only mention it because I wouldn’t want you to like just one thing: your Standard American English grammar.
cheers!
YOU JUST USED IDIOSYNCRATIC ON THE INTERNET!!!!!!!!! This just made my day.
Right on, serious omission, they certainly need to be included. Maybe a all-encompassing category of Wing-Nuts of every stripe
*an
an*
How about the people obsessed with their pets?
Meh seconded.
The other 10% are busy sticking their fingers in Monkey Face’s butt and smelling them.
You know, you’re not any better than Monkey Face. You’re probably Jelly.
HEY!! i’ll have u know there’s nothing wrong with anyone sticking fingers up my butt!!
Sorry, but wasn’t all that funny.
I think it was simply meant to be truthful. And i think it damn well is. I can put at least 1 person i know into each of these categories, and i only have 150 facebook friends.
Unfortunately, i’m the 3rd one on the list
Yay. Now we can have even more stereotypes pushed on ppl!!!! Who’s with me?!?! *bleachswig*
The first step to solving a problem is realizing you have one. Like 150 friends on Facebook.
I am the “dear inanimate object” one too. Damn.
It’s witty, jplant.
*whispers to lola* don’t you think its weird that he uses his real name and picture?? *bleachsip*
Honesty… *shudder*
Hell yes. Most of these people get deleted/hidden.
You spelled All wrong..
safetyDanger
Stranger Danger!
Yay! I get candy now!
Embed link sucks
No no…
Danger’s my middle name, baby.
So.. it’s Stranger Danger Dan..?
It can be, if you want.
P.s. I like your Avatar
I like yours too. Very ghostly looking, but still utterly beautiful.
^that was actually kind of funny for some reason. You’re 2 for 200.
What numbering system are you using though?
I believe that’s Celsius.
Aww shucks.
I have a friend who’s a amateur photographer..she asked if she could “Doll me up” and get some practice. She titled the shoot “A is for Adultress”… hence the name 
Go on….
The End
Go on…
… and then make me a sammich
…..Why did you move the computer into the kitchen?
I know! I said “Move the kitchen into the computer”, but NOOOOOOO! You just had to go off about how “that’s not possible” and even when I started explaining hyperspace theory to you, YOU WOULDN’T LISTEN!
that’s actually you?
.
.
.
<3
Yes that’s me….
<3
<3 <3 <3
<3
Is she a fan of The Scarlet Letter?
That’s where she got the idea
Are you a fan of The Scarlet Letter?
Ehh.. Haven’t read it since highschool.
I’ve never read it. I just like saying The Scarlet Letter.
DON’T FALL FOR HIS TRICK!
Adultress! Nooooo…..
I sense a trap…
check your six
Red leader standing by!
Red five standing by!
Red seven standing by!
Big red standing by!
Simply red standing by.
Red fox standing by!
I keep the constant drama girls for entertainment.
smell ass and finger in the nose story?
no
Heehooo haaa! U sew oRiGiNaL N funneeee hurr haaa heeehooo! teehee I put the thing in the that there n do thing ha ho heeee teeheee I am five heeeeheehaaa!
yeah i didn’t think so
the other 10% are “happy birthday ____”
Where are the losers who don’t post anything because they face social rejection? Oh yeah they made this..
LOL U MAD BRO?
MAD*
From the next fail and on, no one say anything until Monkey Face gets the first post.
-__-
suffering a power outage?
They missed one – the “I Love Adam Smith sssssssssooooooooooooo much! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Love you bbe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Love you forever xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”
I hate that girl.
And they missed this one:
Oh em gee.. Had such an AwEsOmE time with that special someone!! So glad we’re finally together like how it should always be!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 PTFOOO
))))
^ She's pretty annoying too..
yeah. and they always break up and get back together and break up and get back together. and they are never just “in a relationship” they’re always engaged.
And they absolutely despise eachother.. and are physically and emotionally abusive to eachother..which forces you to not want to be around them… Oh.. maybe I’m just talking about some of my friends..
Awkward Silence
hahaha! the worst thing is, I’m not exaggerating; I actually copied and pasted her status. And it’s not one of the worst ones.
Thing is, the only reason we keep them as friends on Facebook is so we have someone to direct our rage at. otherwise puppies and kittens from the local neighbourhood would start going missing…..lmao!
Lmao… this is a copy paste from the girl I was talking about …
finall started movin my stuff out. Work tomorrow then outta town for the weekend!
))) PTFOMF!!!!! HaHa
Seriously…wtf is PTFOMF??!! And really.. I dont care…I can also assume not many others do either! haha
this is the worst one I have seen. cuz it didn’t all fit into her status, the rest of it was in a comment. It makes me feel physically ill. the use of language is just the top of the iceberg….
In the mean time, I’m going to research PTFOMF, as i am now curious.
“looking forward to having a delicious meal with the sexi fiance tonight chicken and pasta woop love you so much sexi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx you mean the world to me and always will xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
love you Adam Smith xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx always and forever ♥♥♥♥love you more than you will ever no and understand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and that is more than your word and actions can eva say and do that is the bottom line because i said so end of nuf said xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”
EUGH!
Lmao.. Then there’s the girl that posts things like:
Can’t wait to go out tonight with the GiRls tonite! Gonna pick up those hotties from last weekend!!!!!
Then she likes it and makes the comment:
You so wish you were us!!
Double Eugh!!
who likes their own statuses?!?! argh! why are people so annoying?!?!? oh yeah, cuz I’m bitter and angry. but still, come one people!
“That” girl does.. lol.
i think two girls one cup had more intellect than those females.
That video has no intellect. Your argument will be eaten by a grue in 5…….4………3………..
*nom*
HAHAHAH i read ‘always and forever alone’. <3
Nope, I absolutely have no idea what this means, other than a combination of PTFO and something else possibly. otherwise, She’s talking crap. lol!
“Put The Foot On My Face”?
Lol.. Maybe?!
“Please To F*** Off Mother F***er”?
peace the F out mother F’ers? that’s all I can think of
she’s a moron lol
That might be it!! I think TotesMcGoats cracked the code!!
That makes sense. She can join the KMA club. It’s free.
I like to think it’s not an acronym, and that you actually pronounce it p’tphomf!
I like to think it’s not an acronym, and that it’s actually pronounced p’tfomph!
oh, rearry?
What what in the butt?
You wanna do it in my what?
What what?
Just kidding.
You forgot the people that only ever post in-jokes that only one or two people on their friends list gets
you forgot the facebook hack statuses!
O rly?
Soo annoying!!
What about the people that post nothing but either song lyrics, or youtube videos?
Or witty puns or stupid sh*t that’s probably a CopyPasta from an SNL skit?
ME!
This isn’t where I parked my tortoise.
This isn’t where i parked my moderated comment -__-
This isn’t where I left my bleach.
Here’s the story, of a little nine-year-old boy who is in love with turtles, but-
IS A ZOMBIE?!?!??!
Follow this wacky little zombie who loves turtles in:
ZOMBIE BOY: YOUTUBE STARComing to a theater near you!
or just find it on youtube
LOL, WHATS AN IT?
Hello! Wait, If you didn’t park me here, then:
-Why am I here?
-Why do I have a failblog account?
-When did I learn to type?
-Where did this computer come from?
-Why are you trusting a tortoise with a computer and the ability to type?
-Who’s paying for the internet connection?
-Why do I have so many questions?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABOOM!!!!!
(We’re sorry, your tortoise has a sploded. You will need to purchase a new one at http://www.sexyoldgrandpas.com (not that it exists)
then there are the drama + emotion + illiterate girls who are like “miight go gt drinkz wit my gurlz for a liil bit,, gna see my babii later , soo lyk im happee (: texxxxt me” And literally one status ago it was “Nuthn ever changes. i gt stepd on n it nt eveen worth it. when m i gna find somone to luv me?”
Oh, and the quizzes. Videos, lyrics and quizzes.
You missed mine, “Posts stuff on facebook for the sole purpose of pissing people off and starting arguments”. I’ve had quite a few people delete me because of it.
Trolls do not fall into the above categories or the “10% that are actually interesting”. They are insignificant.
lol
eeven your avatar says you’re a troll.
a happy troll, for that matter.
What about random information nobody can make use of?
I’m sorry, but this comment is very lonely. Unfortunately, chances are that it will be eaten by Dan the grue.
Dan isn’t a grue.
Ahhhhh facepage ,you have to love it.
Did they really need to make a “click to see more” for ONE additional thing?
What if I was to say that I’m a Pess-Optimist? (I fit the “enjoys quotes song lyrics” part, but they are generally split between being dark and cynical and being an anonymous cry for help, and the “considers themselves ‘artsy’” because I genuinely like different things for different reasons and I consider a lot more things than most people would to be art, but I don’t take pics of flowers, although I do sometimes just take random photos for no reason, and I don’t see the world as a gift since a lot of the world sucks and kinda breaks even with the good stuff in my opinion)
That’s quite a long sentence you’ve got there!
I forgot to mention that my soul was formed by a collection of famous personas and one of those was Jane Austen, which is definitely crucial to mention to understand my personality; I tend to use punctuation in as sophisticated a manner as grammatically possible; draw out long comments, which are usually one sentence as well, about the most random and insignificant of details; use an inexplicably odd combination of very long and very short words; and lastly, I tend to be highly polarized in a large number of things, from opinions to parts of my body and my description of perceptions.
Did that explanation for my extreme sentence suffice?
Ummmm… ok.
How are you highly polarized in parts of your body? (or was this just bait for a nasty reply?)
Also, from your comments here, I’d certainly follow you on FB/twitter, so you might just be among the 10%, or simply I have no taste.
you spelled sex wrong
ht tp://tinyurl.com/252bxn8
Nice one you remind me of the im so different im actually not that different at all people.^_^
lol
On the first year at uni I had this discussion with a guy that thought he was so special and everyone else were jerks… well, it was fun to make him notice that everyone there was actually mostly similar to each other, with the only differences being almost exclusively on a cosmetic level. :p
What about “The Creeper?” You know, the person who goes around liking all the girls’ photos and making weird comments filled with ambiguity and sexual tension.
This was about status updates. The Creeper never write on his own status. He just constantly answers to others.
Ahh, John Waters… reminded me of many an awesome, drunken night at the Club Charles in Baldimore.
oh yeah, and he is friends with loads of girls with profile pics in just their bras. he’s weird.
I have had a “Creeper” do that to me…
Not only does he like the pictures and comments on them.. he likes all the Relationship status changes and comments “Damn, I missed my chance” when they’re now “In a relationship”. And comments ” Looking for Mr. Right Now??” when they become single….
AAAHHH! Seriously, creepy. If I were you, I’d run. or possibly be really blunt. I used to get one guy who had just chosen a random number and rang it pretending to ask for someone and then when it wasn’t “his friend” tried to have a conversation with me. Then he started ringing me at like, 3am to talk to me. I don’t know about you but I don’t function after I’ve just been woken up, so I’d always forget to check the ID even though he was in my phone as “stalker guy”. I just ended up being really blunt. He never rang me again.
Haha.. I had an ex boyfriend call me from his phone number and pretend he was someone else.. First, you’re still in my phone as “A$$hole”.. Second, I remember your number so pretending to be someone even if I didn’t have your number saved wouldn’t work. He proceeded to ask if I’d like to make donations to children with Leukemia… Now that’s low!
Lol.. and like you, I do not wake up well.
My replies are being moderated….. awesome.
Well, 4-#0l3 is a moderated word.
What do you mean by this “is” you speak of?
hot penguin secks
You know it. Fi[e]sty little things too you know.
It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.
…So do you like to make donations to children with leukemia, or don’t you? Which is it??
Donating bone marrow is the preferred way to go.
noooo I’m the inanimate object talker, my penis and my hand are my only friends
InanimateWhisperer
Dear Penis, Y U always asleep?
qwerty keyboard skills fail
What about “The Thief” the person who you know is just googling “funny facebook status messages” because you know they aren’t clever or original enough to come up with this stuff themselves?
^saw this comment on Reddit.
^saw this comment on Reddit.
*makes a barely discernible “yoink!” sound*
Yay! I’m interesting!
Who told you that nonsense?
No you’re not. Love potion isn’t interesting.
Part-optimist, reporting in.
I don’t quote song lyrics, but I’m a DAMN good drawer.
I’ve deleted 5 of the so-called “promoters”…
3 of them were cousins.
Lol.. Do you delete or just hide? Sometimes hiding is easier, for instance, if they’re the promoter and the Emotional Wreck..
Especially when they are cousins. Oh, everything I’d hear from my family…
OMG I just had the worstest day eva and then I see this on failbook? ZOMG why are some people just out to get me? You know who you are, which is just as well. cos I don’t wanna talk about it!
OVERLOAD BRAIN’SPLODE
Listen here, Avid[Cancer Symbol], -IF- that is your real name…
What is your opinion of Marxism in relation to the upbringing of children within the modern ninja family?
I’m a Pisces actually, the aforementioned “69″ was pertaining to a different, em…preference… And your question was a trick, for no ninja is Marxist, and Ninja children raise themselves.
ZOMGYOU’REAPISCES!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!
Hand turkeys ftw
*handturkeyfive*
Well played…
Well, I could tell you the most sophisticated thing I could about that subject, but it will turn out to be complete nonsense because of Kangaroos drilling oil wells in the south pacific tree where lolipops grow and when they are old enough to walk they will start small lawyer firms that will eventually burn down but by that time they will be retired in style. You know, nonsense.
They forgot The New Parent.
Had a New Parent post a status about how adorable their “Peanut’s” diarrhea was the other day. >.< 90% of her posts are about her kid. I've been tempted to post on her wall, "Just because you had a child doesn't mean you have lost your personal identity. Being a mother is important, but it's not all that you are." But, that'd just cause drama.
Do it. Screen grab it, and post it.
omg i can’t stand the parents…always posting about their kid
hahaha
I can see myself doing just that when I have kids. Except that I wouldn’t post the cutesy stuff, it would probably look more like a journal of the uncanny life of teh babies.
Cats*
The*
Kittehs*
I can [Il]litera[te]ly do this all day.
I am glad someone here mentioned parents, about 95% of facebook parents are really getting to me. ie “look at little Johnny, here he is eating his first banana, look how fast little Johnny is growing, Johnny is so cute, Johnny just smiled omg, Johnny looks like me, please comment on how adorable little Johnny is. Oh and people vote vote vote vote for little Johnny in the little Johnny takes a dump photo competition!”. These type of status updates are often followed by liking various baby related sites such as i love my baby, my baby is great, i love being a mummy etc. This is then followed by more status updates such as: “omg my poor little wittle Johnny is sick, I did not sign up for this, being a parent is so hard, I’m so tired, why is little Johnny misbehaving. FUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.. (true story, names changed to protect the identity of little Johnny)
Tom Anderson has no real friends, doesn’t leave the house, and is secretly craving attention.
He’s fallen far since the myspace days, eh?
Hello, fellow triangle. We must UNITE!
WE WILL DESTROY ALL THE OTHER SQUARES, DIAMONDS, COGS AND OTHER SHAPES!
WE HAVE THE POWER!!!
it’s not very coolone3 to start discriminating against the weak. We already are superior to them other shapes, so why brag about it? Let them live in an ignorant bliss…
Я просто lanuched ядерных ракет на вас! Удачи с вашей видов уничтожили!
I’m a gear. Most technological of all shapes. So, now that your species is wiped out, Triangles, are you going to give up your ego to me and the gravatarians (I.e. Dan, Skyman, A is for Adultress)?
Can’t give it up. It’s my only son!
My cousin’s name is Stephanie Miller o.0
“93% of people here will not post this as their status for 1 hour. I know which of my friends will”.
I Despise those ones!
Where do the “OMG I’m having the worst day ever, don’t wanna talk about it, but OMG it was terrible, gonna go laydown/shower/sleep, I don’t bother me” ones fit? Seriously, if you took the time to post it, and I see your yahoo Im stat online saying “don’t wanna talk, don’t bother me”; well, why in the hell did you bother going online? sorry, personal rant over, had to delete one that constantly did that
LOLOLOLOLOL
I think the most annoying status is the one with the terrible spelling and grammar, for example, “o wot an eventful eve so far but the lil man chuffed he got 2 c the fire engine n lots of sams n now i ave a migraine early nite needed but sum how dnt c it happenin” I know she is from England but I was taught English by someone who hailed from London, and she was a stickler for proper spelling and grammar. I’m not that good at it but when I read these types of statuses I get a headache.
always number 3
The number 3 is in my name!
I think I would be called “The Surrealist.”
someone’s upset they didn’t get into a sorority…
…but at least you’re not the dramatic kind.
funny how many people don’t think this is funny. Hit the ol’ nerve did we?
this is actually all the same person.
The narcissist? The chain letter spammer?
Meh, nothing new or extraordinary here.
You missed out the posts that contain appalling grammar and spelling, those seem to clog up my news feed a lot of the time… feel so sorry for people I went to school with, somehow their English went to pot when mine stayed at a reasonable level =/
I fit under Emotional Wreck :/
Numbers 1, 3 and 4 I can live with, but god there should be a special place reserved in hell for those bastards who write #2 and 5… and there’s some girl that I friended (or she friended me, I might say) who keeps on saying bad things about herself just so her friends will post ravenous comments on her statuses… uhg…
Now I feel like a bad person…
theresnopoint
You speak truth, but your truth lacks laughs
Or the REALLY annoying pregnant women who are CONSTANTLY telling you how far along they are! UGH! It’s awsome that youre gonna be a mommy, but if you were 6 weeks last week, then OBVIOUSLY youre 7 weeks this week! Update your status when you’ve had the kid. *rolls eyes*
Thank the spaghetti my friends aren’t there yet.
Nobody self promotes as much as I do. I am the champion. Bow to me and buy my stuff.
At least you know where to find them so you can do just that.
I would just like to mention that the combination of yellow and triangle is equivalent to awesome.
Don’t you mean lime green
omfg, apparently i’m “the optimist”
)
Then there`s THE FISHERMAN who uses posts phrases like “Oh Wow” or “That`s interesting” or “Oh No” as bait to get people to ask questions regarding their post.
did anyone notice tom anderson from myspace is the person with no friends lol
i was just gonna say that Lol
theres also the people who post all song lyrics and links to youtube videos, the couple who are so much in love with eachother and post sicky statuses about eachother, the people who are obsessed with their kids, people who are always posting really tmi stuff you didnt want to know, the people who are obsessed with religion or politics, people who rarely post anything other than chain status updates for causes they want to sound like they care about, people who update their facebook friends on every stupid thing they have done, even if its nothing special, embarassing relatives, perverts who add loads of strangers just to flirt with them, the people who like every page that applies to them “bob likes breathing, eating, sleeping…”
Forgot one! What about the people who announce every little thing they’re doing at all times.
Heading to school.
Home from school. Getting a snack.
Starting homework.
Have to use the bathroom. brb.
Shower time!
Time for bed. night all!
just woke up
having cereal
pouring milk
whoops , spilled some
cant find a rag
i’ll check the laundry
ahh , clean counter
cereal’s soggy
I’ll pour some more (:
epicness is epic
Let’s not forget about the LOLCAT speakers.
OMG LOLLLLLS THAT WAASS SO FUNNEH!!!11!1!1!!
i thought it was funny.
Feh. Where are the hopeless romantics who post statuses like: “<3" or "Him/her. <3" ???
Or those guys who only play Facebook games?
Ughhh, I can so name at least two people in the Optimist and Constant Drama category. One person I don’t think has had one status written by herself in the last two weeks (in other words they’ve all been lyrics). I kind of want to ban constant song-lyric-quoters from Facebook.
I love how people are like : “not amused” it’s just because they fall into one of this categories, i presonnaly would fall in the third, but that’s not a reason not to accept that this lol is truthfull.
I would probably find this hilarious if I wasn’t so busy feeling terrible about myself. The truth hurts.
Or there’s the people who can’t think of anything interesting to do or write as their status, so while the cursor blinks in their face, they black out and have a seizure all over the keyboard and the result is a status reading, “fjdkslfjlkdskjSJKLFDKksdfjsd;ajdlf209.”
That’s me.
*admits to being of “the optimist” category*
bad times, turns out i’m not remotely interesting