Not sure… but it’s way too high. For the good of humanity, someone needs to make a list and put natural selection in effect… “you must be this smart to live”
Haha, dream on (and get your facts from other sources than creationist bs videos, you might notice what you said is not true at all. After all, gravity is JUST a theory, as well^^)
it’s not based on ¨prove i’m wrong”
That’s what natural selection is based on.
here’s one : “a watermelon is blue on the inside until you cut it open” prove i’m wrong. http://www.drdino.com you should really watch one of his seminars.
Bahahaha, as opposed to religion, which is built on a foundation of proof, right? Also, apostrophes are not for pluralizing. The word you’re looking for is “theories.”
Science’s goal is to find facts through THEORIES. Notice how it’s the THEORY of gravity. Or the Big Bang THEORY. THEORIES exist until something is irrevocably proven. That’s what science is.
That could very easily be proven with a microscopic camera, the type that is used in laproscopic and colonoscopy surgeries.
All you would need to prove was that oxidization hadn’t affected the flesh of the watermelon.
You will see with most fruits that oxidization is a slow process.
If we refer to Unicorns and Fairies.. most would agree that the default would be to NOT believe in them, until proven otherwise.
Why should God be any different?
The default is to NOT believe in Creationism, until proven with fact, data and unquestionable evidence, that it does indeed exist.
Yes, I know, I’m an idiot, I need to go back to pre-school and learn my abc’s, blah blah blah. I’ve heard it all before, never listened any of those times either.
Jesus is cruising in a car with St Peter at the wheel, listening to music and basically chillin out, when all of a sudden Jesus spots somebody up in the distance and yells to St. Peter: “Dude!, there’s Lazarous walking in front of us, lets play a joke on him… run him over!!!”, St. Peter reluctantly did so… after all, it was Jesus who told him to do it. St Peter stopped the car, Jesus gets out, puts his hand on top of the body’s head and says: Lazarous, I command you to get up!!!”, nothing happens, so he clears his throat and repeats: “Lazarous, I command you to get up”… nothing happens… so Jesus lifts the head and yells to St Peter: “DUDE, we have to get the heck out of here, he’s not Lazarous!!!”
But it’s too late, and Donnie shoots him in the head with his father’s gun for running over Gretchin, which explains future(/dead)-Jesus’s eye wound, and the rabbit costume he’s been seen wearing up to this point.
But first they would both have to escape GlAdOs’ death traps, wich is impossible. If they start the fight inside the Aperture building, they would both die becuase of the deadly neurotoxins, so yeah, I call it a tie
Isn’t Zombie Jesus just Regular Jesus? I mean, Regular Jesus is a zombie after all. Unless you’re talking about a prophet for zombies that just happens to have the same name, I suppose.
I don’t get why people don’t believe Jesus is a fictional character…
Even IF there actually was some guy called Jesus all those years back and did stuff which everybody saw as a miracle, then he would be a scientist. All records of any miracles Jesus might or might have not performed were written down hundreds of years later, and the stories had only been passed on from person to person before that.
Having said that, this is another religion post, so inb4 >9000 comments.
“I’m right” “No, I am”
There is no need for a debate. This is all you’re gonna get. So maybe we could avoid it for THIS time? Reading through all this cr@p is really ruining failbook for me.
i reckon debating about religion would be a bad idea but in a fist fight, i think batman will win IF only both are here? ohh! no, jesus maybe. hrrmm, hard to tell now. don’t know whether both existed.
Um, no. You’ll only like that comment if you agree with it. If there was something clever in it, it could still be a win no matter what your opinion is, but I see hardly anything clever in this comment, so those who disagree with it will hate the comment no matter what. You, on the other hand, are just happy because someone shares your opinion. The comment you declared an epic win can not be called such.
…I’m Ok with wasting my time on this right now; I’m just bored in school. I don’t think I’ll come back to argue this more, though, and I am definitely not going to get in some kind of religious argument.
To the contrary, Jesus of Nazareth is a historical figure. Scientific evidence of superhuman feats, yea, not so much. But his existence as a person, isn’t really questioned.
The planet’s flatness and centrality to the universe were never really questioned (by people who didn’t want to burn at the stake) for a very long time. I’m not impressed with things that are never really questioned.
I’m not saying Jesus didn’t exist. But Lee is right, there isn’t a shred of contemporary evidence. No eyewitnesses wrote anything about him.
Half the bible is called the “New Testament” because the authors of the various books testify that Jesus existed. The witnesses are numerous, and the term “To witness” in fact has a religious connotation. Jesus is also mentioned in Roman civilization, and Christianity did play quite a huge role in Roman history.
Probably something to do with the fact that I’m in a different timezone. At the time I’m posting the reply to you’re comment, it’s 10:00AM on Friday morning locally, but in New York it’s 8:00PM on Thursday night.
But I’m not sure why that would make a difference.
Even if you were in a different time zone, the relative time differences should still be the same. It’s 10:50 p.m. where I am now, but when I click “add comment” it’ll probably show 8:50 p.m.
Actually, the New Testament was written about fifty years after Jesus allegedly existed. So, he could have existed, but his stories would be highly exaggerated, due to the telling and retelling by mouth.
The difference is that records of those people were made in their own lifetime, so we can be pretty sure they existed. The same can’t be said for Jesus.
Not necessarily true. The Trojan War would be one example of an event that was written about well after it took place.
Please remember history does not start the moment people began writing. There are numerous texts that detail histories that were written well after the events described. But even IF a record was written when it happened the validity of it’s analysis or it’s description are not verified by when it was written.
The fact here that throws a nice wrench in the “fiction” claim of the Bible is that both Old and New testament are used by historians to learn about our past. Primarily OT, but there are parts of NT that are revealing about history.
And that’s why The Trojan War isn’t a historical event. Unless you believe son of Zeus who could only be harmed by getting hit at the heal actually existed, at which point you might as well believe in Jesus too.
It is an historical event. The way it was told may have been embellished but it is a historical event. It may not of happened exactly how Homer depicted it. But it did happen. Classical Greeks thought it was history and there were famous Greek historians that agreed it did (although they thought Homer embellished events).
It has been a debated piece of history, but today most historians agree that the events are grounded in truth. Get your head out of the 1870s and do some research. ;P
Boy, you guys are unbelievable with your crap spelling and grammar.
@neoritter: “the validity of it’s analysis or it’s description are not verified” means “the validity of it is analysis or it is description are not verified”. Take the damned apostrophes out. 3rd grade spelling fail.
@Kazad: “heal” should be “heel”.
@neoritter: “It may not of happened…” should be “It may not have happened…”
Are you kidding me? What do you call the gospels? Like, four dudes just got together and said hey, lets write a bunch of fiction about some guy raising dead people and stuff? NO! Every single one of the gospels is an eyewitness account. Plus a religion that spans one-third of the worlds population is worth looking into. And many great scientific minds have examined the evidence and concluded that jesus and god exist and are all powerful. Go ask a pastor or a priest about it sometime. Or read “Mere Christianity” by C. S. Lewis. one of those great minds I mentioned
Start a war and it will be fought…when it comes down to it does it really matter? We’re born, we live, we die. Those whose beliefs permit get 1ups, some go to a mystical paradise, Ima just plain die…game over wa wa…You seriously believe everything you read? In that case superheroes are real, vampires twinkle, and wizards have their own private school….who let you on the intranet? Heck i’ve read a book (You might be a zombie and other bad news-i think) that is accurate in its facts that states that Jesus tamed a group of dragons as a child, that he just up and killed some kid who looked at him funny, and used laser beams from his eyes to toast someone for scuffing his shoes….When it comes down to it just believe what YOU want and leave the rest of us to be happy with our own theories. All powerful pfff… how about this, pray to Jesus that tomorrow it’ll rain Gatorade (or what have you)…. and guess what, it won’t. Tell the truth its a good thing there are fanatics like you devoted to what they believe….just leave the rest of us out of your delirious world.
They are eye witness accounts but not necessarily directly from the eye witness. The oldest and probably most reliable is the Gospel of Mark. Mark was a disciple of the Apostle Peter. He actually talked with the man. I believe that Gospel was written something like 60 years after the fact. Not entirely too long to be honest.
Actually it is. There is no evidence for Jesus being a historical figure whatsoever. Jesus was a common name, but you can be 100% sure that Jesus as portrayed in the bible did not exist.
Actually, scholars have said that there are a couple of translation errors in the bible:
1)Jesus was walking BY the water, not ON water.
2)that part about a CAMEL thru a needle point was actually a ROPE thru a needle point
I like how you can say “Scholars (experts/scientists/etc.) say ________________” and instantly be believed. Point one is not true. The Bible is very clear that it was on water, and not by water.
Ok… the word means by/over… check it out: http://scripturetext.com/mark/6-48.htm
Read about it, as I am sure you can read ancient texts, right?
But, why bother, right?, lets believe whatever is said in Sunday School…
well, the fact that the part afterwards talks about Peter sinking IN the water after walking out ON the water toward Jesus makes it pretty clear… and if He was just walking by the water, i’m not sure why they’d think He was a ghost.
Scholars are awesome, but I’m pretty sure they are not claiming that the part of the biblical story where Peter doubts it’s Jesus, then the J dog invites Peter to walk on the water with him, and then Peter tries to, and then starts to sink, and then a handy lesson is taught that you have to have faith, that doubting can lead to drowning, and that Jesus can save you, could be replaced by “and then Peter walked BY the water too”.
Still, equally hard to thread a rope through the eye of a needle .
Apparently some have suggested that the “eye of a needle” was a narrow gateway through a city wall, thus suggesting that Christ was saying “you can’t take it with you” because when entering the gate the camel would need to have the goods removed from it…
…however there’s no evidence for such a suggestion, its just scholars in more affluent institutions trying to excuse their wealth; turns out Jesus was just being flippant.
but if it were a fight to the death, I’d put my money on Jesus. Even if he can’t fight, he can self-resurrect, and that’s pretty powerful in a fight to the death. It means he can’t lose, and all he has to do is wait until Batman is 90 years old or something and chokes on a ham sandwich. Of course, Batman could just be the cape and the position, and maybe Bruce retired years ago and there’s always a new Batman. In that case, Jesus will have to wait a long time. I suppose it’s possible that he’s worked this all out and decided to spend the interim in a comfortable place with fluffy white furniture and harp music – like, yeah, heaven. So somewhere near the end of time, or when the Batman franchise has been ground to dust, Jesus will return, pop the weakened Savior of long-forgotten Gotham in the eye, and win.
Of course Jesus exists, I believe in Jesus, as a matter of fact I know him, well really I know more than one Jesus but guess none of them makes miracles next time I see one of them I’ll ask if they perform any kind of miracles or magic tricks then I’ll let you know if that’s truth or myth, until then Batman rules.
Given that she is over 80, I am reasonably certain that Batman could beat my aunt Jesus is a fight. However, since she is over 80 and a law abiding citizen, I doubt she would be getting into a fight with Batman in the first place.
Don’t be stupid, Jesus is a freaking DEITY. What does Batman have? His utility tool? Anti-shark repellent? Please.
And don’t go believing that Jesus was a wimp because he preached compassion, because the dude was known for his temper tantrums. He once killed a child because he ruined the mud birds he made.
A) you’re a bigot. But let’s ignore that for a second.
Aside from Jesus’ “turn the other cheek” philosophy, the man was a carpenter, that means he had to be tough. But let’s also ignore the fact that after being tortured tremendously and most likely starved he was able to carry a very heavy cross up a hill (with a little help at the end).
Also if we’re going to with he’s a fictional character, let’s source South Park. Anyone remember the Christmas episode in Iraq?
True, but it proves that the rational behind why Jesus wouldn’t win is false. He wasn’t a wimpy guy.
The idea that he didn’t exist is moot, becaues Batman never existed as well. So I’m not sure why the point was ever brought up. And since we’re arguing two potentially fictitious characters the information about them must be accepted.
Batman is a ingenious crime sleuth with a myriad of gatchets and training in most if not all forms of martial arts (I heard that somewhere). And a billionaire with the ability to purchase or commission any device that can be invented.
Jesus was deity who in life was a buff carpenter that could move rocks and carry a cross after being weakened through starvation and torture. He also is/will be a general that will vanquish one of the greatest evils of all time (well debatable, but I’m sure in the DC universe Satan wouldn’t be a push over even for Batman). He also has the ability to heal injury, sickness, and raise the dead. He’s kind of like Thor here.
I’d bet on Batman ( I mean he beat Superman, one of the most OP superheroes in the DC universe, aside from Ion, Green Lantern’s super bad-a persona); but I don’t think it’d be an easy fight.
I recomened a book called The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ by Philip Pullman, as it makes all the acts of Jesus look real, and then shows the exagerations of them into miracles. And before people start saying I’m a christian blah blah, I’m a follower of FSM.
I’m guessing that Philip Pullman got the living crap beat out of him by the nuns in school. His distaste for anything religious, particularly Christian, and, more particularly Catholic is unparalleled in contemporary writing.
but severe bitterness induces severe bias. and it should cast doubt on someone’s credentials, because they will promote their agenda rather than giving a more honest examination of all the evidence – do you think that christians are severely biased? what’s the difference between one severe bias and another?
I’m sorry, your point about bias is completely mislaid because you only say ‘you’re guessing’ that Philip Pullman had some experience to bias him against religion. So you’re saying because he holds this opinion (and for no other reason) he must be biased, and because he is biased his opinion must be wrong.
I, for one, have never been ‘biased’ against religion by my life experience. In fact I was even taken to church a bit as a kid and thought it was all fine, though it was more about community not religion. When i grew up i grew to have the exact same opinions as Pullman.
Now if I said I have a strong dislike of religion and/or Catholicism, would you assert against all evidence that I was beaten by nuns as a kid?
Jesus was not a common name at the time.
Yeshua was.
(Which should be translated to Joshua, not Jesus. You’re all calling him by the wrong name translation.)
The books/letters were written in Greek. “Jesus” is fine. We call Peter by that name rather than Cephas, even though that’s the Aramaic (and referred to in other letters).
everyone, especially those attempting to prove the bible untrue should read the above comment. If all u ever search for is to prove the bible untrue then that’s what ur gonna find.
Please excuse that this comment is un-researched, but you, Chalita, seem to imply that you know the bible reasonably well and you’ll correct me if I’m wrong.
I believe the bible says that Jesus was born in Bethlehem not Nazareth because the Roman empire was conducting a census/exacting a tax that required everyone to return to their towns of origin. So, Joseph, had to go back to Bethlehem. Simple, right?
Except that, as has been stated previously on this thread, the romans kept quite good records, and there is no record whatsoever of any sort of census that would require everyone to travel to their town of origin. And logically, that would be almost impossible to do in ancient times.
Nazareth was part of the Roman Empire. Also I’ve heard they had census back then and it is recorded that Jesus did live at that time. Whether you believe He was the son of God, just a really cool guy, or a hack, well that’s up to personal interpretation. I don’t think Batman would fight Jesus so my answer is neither.
Everyone seems to forget that the gospels say Jesus was born during the reign of King Herod of Judea, who died in 5 or 4BC.
Then the gospels mention the census ordered by Quirinius, the governor of Syria, who didn’t take power until 6AD, said census being the reason Jesus was born in a barn in Bethlehem.
I’ve heard that it wasn’t recorded at all. Now what do we do?
Do you have any scholarly evidence that we have record of Jesus on the census? (Why would he even appear? Why would they record small children? Up to a certain age, they were considered barely human, given the high mortality rate. For that matter, how do we have this complete census? And why did they even record anyone’s name at all rather than just do a count?)
i dont think either one would want to fight the other and also we mesure our time by him…ALL OVER THE WORLD, no matter what religion u r, so im pretty sure he must’ve done something pretty fantastic
Christians care more about the message of Christ, not the miracles he performed. Christ came into this world with a message that men have dignity that is inherent with being human; That money does not make anyone better than anyone else; That loving money above all other things rarely works out; that people should not be killed arbitrarily for fun, and that all men are brothers.
Ok, you’re missing the point, Who would win in a fight???…
That doesn’t sound like christians?, maybe 2 to 5% of them…
Most of them only treat otyher chrsitians like that… ask them about evolution and muslims and see their answer
I’m a christian who believes in evolution, much like the pope and most of Europe’s christian population. Creationism seems to be a uniquely American invention.
The Bible could simply be the first superhero book, just simply taking the name and death sentance of some guy they heard about. Jesus was a popular name, and there is evidence that a guy with that name, in that time was crucified so there was a Jesus, but if it is the same guy or the son of God is debatable.
I personally don’t believe it, and so long as they’re not shoving it down my throat I have nothing against those who do.
I KNOW RIGHT. it’s so frustrating. I mean WHY can’t people open their eyes?! Why do they believe in a guy who’s been dead for so many freaking years. it’s so easy to change history. They are being manipulated ugh. I’m so happy to be an atheist, to be free. Can’t believe that in 2011 they are still people who think like they are in 1800. OPEN YOUR EYES ALREADY ! D:
open ur eyes and realize that ur putting down a man who was ttortured to death for u, whether wanted it or not he still died for U, because he wanted you to find something better than what he belived u would find as an atheist
I think you really only proved his point more. You’re guilt trip only makes him more “happy to be an atheist, to be free.” And like he said, your believing “a guy who’s been dead for so many freaking years. it’s so easy to change history.”
Besides, you’re God is freaking omnipotent! Why the f’ did he need to go through pain and death? Why did he need to “rest on the seventh day”?
Heres what would happen if a spacial warp in the universe caused Jesus to get in a fist fight with Batman. B.man would put up his dukes, Jesus would start preaching some beautiful crap abut “you are my brother under the lord and I will not fight you, for we are all equals so long as we are faithful to god, and-” at which point Batman would punch him in the jaw and knock him unconsious, Batman wins. But, when Bruce gets old and dies he goes to hell, happy christains?
I think surprise attack would win against batman… much like it would against most other heroes… if they can’t die, they get immobilized, which results in a loss
First of all, Einstein never was and never will be a believer in god. His example of god doesn’t play dice was direct criticism of quantum mechanics. Where his definition of god is more along the lines of Spinoza’s god. Go google it.
Second, as someone who has studied Descartes work, I say yes, Descartes was an idiot. Do you even know how many unexplained lapses there are in his thought process? Though I recognise the importance of his work in the influence it had. That doesn’t make it especially good.
Thirdly, Ghandi, he’s a f**king Hindu. He states that religion is no more than a human institution. At best, you can say he’s a deïst.
In other words, Einstein did not use the term “god” in the typical sense, but in a more “poetic” sense.
Other than knowing how to make peace (and even then he failed in the end), Ghandi didn’t really know anything.
And if you (NoseMoking) had done any research, you would see that there are statistical studies concluding that there is a strong correlation between intelligence and Atheism, so no, they are not independent.
Because no one knows. If you think you know one way or the other, you’re an idiot. The only truly intelligent people say “I don’t know” when asked if God exists.
Macro evolution is just micro evolution repeated until the result is significantly different from what you started with.
Saying micro evolution happens but macro evolution doesn’t is like saying; sure you can get a few drops of water a minute from that leaky pipe but there’s no way those drops of water would ever be enough to fill a bucket. Not in a million years…
it’s not that simple – if it was, we’d see creatures evolving all the time (and new species all the time). Evolution also must account for the stasis of some species (living fossils) over millions of years, while other body plans have been completely eliminated.
I’m not sure we can take the jump from animals adapting to their environment and the generation of brand new families of animals out of those adaptations. There’s a lot of factors standing in the way; inbreeding, environmental shift, actual elimination of genetic material as it becomes “undesirable”, re-mixing of populations, specialization and symbiosis to name a few. In theory, it may sound good, but I’m not sure it actually pans out in reality.
Empirical evidence from experiments (rather than numerical models) will have to address these questions and more to fully convince me that evolution is realistically feasible as a mechanism for life on earth as we know it.
Evolution does account for the stasis of some and elimination of others: the ones that stayed stayed because they worked; they help the species survive in their environment. The ones that got eliminated disappeared because they didn’t work (or did work, but not anymore due to a change in the environment). It’s the very basis of natural selection.
I don’t see how the “factors” you speak of are in the way. Inbreeding and re-mixing of populations are not forms of adaptation, so those don’t count. As for the others I don’t see you’re point.
Agreed, people who talk like that make me nauseous :S Believing in something can be good but people who get carried away by it like this are just scary
It’s not always Christianity. I said believing in something, that can be a lot of things and religions. Sadly enough it’s mostly Christians that feel the need to be like this. I’ve never had a Buddhist or even a Muslim bother me with needless info about their believes and I like it that way.
because u live in america. what is with all thesepredjudiced generalizations geez!
christianity is the number one religion in america and the the gospel encourages them to share the gospel.
islam is the number one religion over the rest over the world and many of them share their religion too, in fact in many countries if you disagree with islam you will be tortured to death hows that for shoving a religion in ur face?
In theory, that would work, but you have to consider Jesus’ mentality… once the fight is initiated, Jesus would simply “turn the other cheek” and get beaten up without resistance. He wouldn’t want to kill Batman or cause him harm in any way.
jesus would turn the other cheek but batman wouldn’t hit it because he’s a good guy. why is are so many people preying on Jesus’ peacful nature and saying Batman would hit him cuz Jesus would let him? Jesus would not hit batman, and batman would not hit jesus. Batman goes after bad guys!
But the whole premise considers that they would HAVE a reason to fight
in no way would Jesus fight, which means he would either give up right away or let Batman beat him up
Batman, on the other hand, fight people all the time and as such would have no problems with beating Jesus up, if he had a reason to
If the premise is that they would have a reason to fight, that Bat Man would have a reason to fight Jesus, then it would stand to reason that Jesus would fight back. On the other hand, if Bat Man’s reason for fighting Jesus is that Jesus foretold of his parents death and yet did nothing about it, (as he did his own death) then Jesus may still not fight and just turn Bat Man into a Leper as punishment.
But assuming there was no Lazarus Pit (whatever that is) handy, Jesus would ultimately win by longevity.
*Batman uses Judo chop. It’s super effective!
Jesus is Dead.
*Jesus uses Resurrect!
No matter how much damage Batman does, Jesus keeps coming back. Batman does not resurrect, so his life-points just go down.
Jesus is an unbeatable boss.
(Unless Batman has seen the movie Dogma, and therefore contrives to keep Jesus in a coma. If one were to beat Jesus NEAR death, then freeze him…. Mr. Freeze could beat Jesus.)
What if Jesus could only Resurrect once? I mean, He only did it once (apparently he did), but no stories of a second time. It could be like a phoenix down, the only one in existence tho.
I don’t know. If you accept the Bible as canon and a decisive explanation of Jesus’s powers, it does say that by dying, he defeated death. I think that sounds like he can never die again. Maybe this fight won’t go down like you’re assuming…
Jesus could heal the sick, blind and crippled. I don’t see why he couldn’t heal his own wounds before he entered a coma. Plus, I imagine coming out of a coma is tons easier than coming back from the dead anyway. I’m putting my money on Jesus on this one.
And the “Jesus wouldn’t fight” excuse is lame. I mean, obviously Jesus and Batman are on the same side. It’s like Kirk vs. Picard when there’s no reason they’d ever fight, that’s not the point of the question.
dismember dead jesus in the 3 days it takes him to resurrect, encase said pieces of jesus in seperate lead blocks and bury in seperate graves on different continents.
if he couldnt heal the wounds on his hands i doubt he could recover from that
… what about putting Jesus into a clinical death state… theoretically then he’s not dead from a spiritual point of view but from a medical point of view he IS dead… and there you go….
or what about this: batman pwns Jesus and kills him… BATMAN WINS
Jesus resurrects himself, pwns batman and likks him, JESUS WINS
there you go, they both win and it’s not a tie…
that would be the original greek with several meaning for the same word one of which does mean by.
clearly says whatever you wish it to say.
also original greek? because greek is the traditional language of jewish citizens in the early first century? hebrew or aramaic for original, greek for oldest known copy
I still prefer the translation above. He walked above water. On unicorn farts and “vampire” tears. Vampire is in quotes because I really mean sparkly pedo tears.
I don’t know what you’re all fighting about because Superman would whoop both of their asses anyway. Adding to the premise of their arguments, Superman has the ability to move at speeds fast enough to turn back time, thus dodging any bullets thrown at him, which he could block with his chest anyway (and yet he ducks when you throw the gun at him, go fig), he has strength that exceeds that of Batman and Jesus, he has the power of flight, which Batman can only achieve with mechanics, Superman has a power of invulnerability, which Jesus was only resurrected after dying and Batman could be killed, neither have the ability of protection from physical harm where Superman does, and Superman has eidetic memory, allowing for total recall of any situation. Also, Superman isn’t afraid to wear his underwear outside of his pants. Superman wins.
Batman has a Kryptonite ring that Superman gave him in case something goes wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time that Batman kicks Superman’s ass (a comic drawn by Alex Ross comes to mind).
Also, Superman is vulnerable to magic; Jesus has a lot of that, so Superman doesn’t stand a chance against either.
Superman is an illegal alien. While both Superman and Jesus have alien daddies, at least Jesus was born on American soil, and thus an American citizen.
no one’s strength exceeds that of Jesus and how is superman invulnerable, ask him and im sure his super memory will remember this syuff call kryptonite.
The most common theory is that all those people brought their own food to the meeting, and so the bread and fish Jesus’ followers passed around was returned to them untouched…
The bread was there because a merchant was bringing it from a bakery to another city to sell. This would be stupid unless they were titanically huge loaves of bread, which they were. They were the size of wagon wheels and one of them could easily feed a large group. The huge loaves didn’t dry out as fast, which was an advantage in transit.
The fish were equally huge. I believe the species in the bible was “Nile perch” which today have sizes of up to 440 pounds each.
i’m starting to think you’re rather biased. dare i ask where you think Spiderman would end up in a fight with Jesus, Batman, Superman, and let’s just throw River Tam in there for fun…
We could also bring Shiva and Ganesh into this. Yes, Shiva and Ganesh against Jesus and the superheroes of the Marvel and DC universes, as well as Thor and any other mythical being you wish to bring in. Ganesh is the remover of obstacles, and Shiva is the destroyer. When the smoke clears, the Green Lantern and Zeus will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.
I’ve lost count the number of quotes I’ve taken from that show … my favourite is still about being attached to an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.
Buuuut Jesus is a cold-blooded killer, he pushed a kid from a rooftop when he was 9!!! Oh, i should mention that this didn’t make it to the bible, actually their are almost nothing about his youth in the bible… so i guess he killed lots of people
Batman’s uses Crucifix. It’s super effective. Jesus Dies. Jesus used late revive. Batman used Crucifix. It’s super effective. Jesus Dies. Jesus uses late revive. The circle can go forever.
What about other possible match ups between comics and mythology?
Did Heracles killed his family under the influence of Deathstroke’s mind control drugs?
Is Deadpool is the Discordian Messiah?
Could Gilgamesh and Enkidu defeat the Last Son of Krypton?
Which pantheons would be able to stand up to Darkseid?
Could Jesus redeem the irredeemable Plutonian?
Nah, he would only get eaten! mmmm… spaghetti! Now I’m hungry… Can Jesus make me a quesadilla? He must be good at making those… his name is Jesus, afterall!
The purple dragon is the “boss monster” in the intellivision game “Advanced dungeons and dragons: cloudy mountain” game. At one point it is invisible because you can’t see it, only hear it. Once you see it, it is indeed purple. It also has wings.
Obviously. All he has to do is take his noodly appendage off of whoever challenges him and they’ll just float into space where they can no longer harm anyone of His earth.
@Who Cares: You might want to be more mindful. The Flying Spaghetti Monster and all of his loyal followers were directly threatened by a supposedly truer deity, the Invisible Pink Unicorn. Your Invisible Purple Dragon hits a bit close to home.
But I can forgive in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
batman doesnt kill, he only beats within an inch of life. so jesus’s “Resurrection” power doesnt come into play. boom? i think so. your mind just got blown.
Uhhh, Jesus wins, hands down. I’d like to see Batman TRY to raise someone from the dead, or feed 5000+ people with a couple of loaves of bread & some fish, or walk on water (without any of his gizmos), etc, etc, etc…
It still amazes me though as to how many people can knock another person’s beliefs. I’m a Christian and believe Jesus gave his life for me and my sins, so that I may be forgiven. However, my beliefs aren’t the same as other people’s; therefore I will not force my beliefs down someone’s throat. It’s your decision, and yours alone, but there is no reason to bash other people’s beliefs.
Ronald never forced any beliefs… he simply stated the obvious fact that batman would beat Jesus in a fight. He’s admitting that Jesus WAS the son of god and that he performed all those miracles, but those do not change the fact that batman would win.
In a fight, Batman would kick his ass.
He wouldn’t have to feed 5000 people, even though he has the money to feed thousands more.actually, he
Batman can fly, and he was walking BY the water, translation mistake.
A question to the theologists, what where Jesus’ last words
(Why have thou foresaken me father?), wtf with the holy trinity???
I don’t like Batman as a superhero, I don’t think he’s that impressive so I believe Jesus might actually have a chance. HOWEVER Jesus vs the Scarlet Witch? She’d totally win.
It seems that the Jesus advocate got a bit off track by trying to prove moral superiority rather than superior combative skill. Kudos for the Batman advocate for staying on topic. While I am not a religious person myself, there are several arguments begging to be made in favor of Jesus’s victory in addition to the infinite resurrection angle (winning by tiring out one’s opponent while never even having to throw a punch).
There’s also an angle to be had by examining Jesus’s furious smashing of the marketplace. Go Jesus the Berzerker!
Jesus was a pacifist, so he wouldn’t even try to hit Batman. But Batman would whoop Jesus’s ass. Although WHY would he do that since Jesus is a good guy? Unless Joker or some of the bad guys would trick Batman into thinking that Jesus is one of the bad guys… Then Batman would kick Jesus’s ass. I mean Jesus wouldn’t even use any superpowers in a fight. And even if he did, what would he do? Turn water into wine? It would be really difficult to make those two fight each other, but it’s always fun to think “what if”
sorry, misreplied, did not mean the OP. wuz suppozed to be for one of the “I’m right and you’re wrong just because” threads above. meh.
luckily, things got a lot more entertaining since i posted it
i have a huge hankering for “Jesus vs Santa Claus” again.
It really just depends on whether or not Jesus decides to pull down divine powers or not. If he goes with the wholly man aspect, Batman wins. If he goes with the wholly God aspect, Jesus wins.
This whole post and resulting comment thread was TL;DR. Must be nice for Ronald, Julie, Enrique and Glenn to have THAT much disposable time on their hands.
Mostly because Batman doesn’t have supernatural powers–that’s an argument made for Jesus to win. If it came to being Bruce Wayne in a bat suit, Batman would beat the crap out of Jesus.
But it was Jesus’ advocate who started the whole thing in the first place. To then claim that Jesus wouldn’t fight at all would basically be admitting defeat, no? Even then, it doesn’t matter. The question isn’t “Would they fight?”, it’s “If they ever did fight, who would win?”.
I loved the part that someone says Jesus was not fictional! Ah! And the part of Marvel / DC vs Christianity/Islam..Fyi…One of the Qu’rans “heros”/profets is Jesus.
Religion is like a drug. The more you take the more you think you’re fine and it is ok.
Batman would win. Jesus wouldn’t fight. When the romans came to take him away, he told his disciples to lay down their swords rather than fight.
Thinking about it, Jesus is often compared to Bacchus, the lord of the dance, who is often referred to as a comical fellow. One could say he’s quite a joker.
Jesus told his followers not to fight because he was already planning to use his self-resurrection power. But others have pointed out that Jesus wasn’t a complete pacifist, since he went berserk on the money changers.
It would be a draw.
Batman always wins in the end of the episode/comic/film. But.
Jesus would rise up again and again, and even if he turned all his blood to alcohol(that was a nice one). He would be a nice lad and would rise Batman from the dead as well.
So they would be fighting forever with no win through the eons.
Or, Jesus could give Bruce Wayne water, covertly turn it into wine, get him totally wankered and start slapping him around.
Foul play notwithstanding, though, Batman would win in a straight fist fight between himself and Jesus. Which doesn’t even matter anyway, because neither of them exist.
scientific proof is not the same as histocial proof. many historical figures we take for granted as existing would not stand up to the scientific method being applied.
Not even historical proof, my good sir/ma’am. No contemporary writings of him exist as far as we are aware. Even the New Testament was written several years after his death.
Science can’t prove the existence anything in the past. It’s possible, but not likely, that the entire universe as we know it was created just this instant. It’s also possible, but not likely, that the universe is constantly destroyed and recreated with each passing moment.
We assume that the past exists, but can never prove it.
Yes, but practically speaking, who cares? It’s not like that will help you determine what will happen if you ram you’re car into a tree, when the timer will go off, or whether that mushroom is poisonous.
If it did have an effect on any of these things, science would, in principle, be able to prove it. Maybe its the cause of gravity?
Ronald, i think i love you. I applaud your vehement defence of your hero, as well as your wonderful clarity and verbosity. Kudos for not attacking her faith and pointing out that the Bible could also be construed as a work of fiction (or at least doing no more than possibly alluding to the idea). And thank you for standing up for the citizens of Gotham and their hero- it seems that far too often their city is attacked with claims of non-realism. Thank you- you are hereby officially given the title “Dark Knight of Teh Intertubes.”
All of you are missing a crucial point.
Jesus and Batman are both allied with the side of good (although Jesus is more of a Lawful Good and Batman more of a Chaotic Good, but I digress), so the chances of them fighting to the death is slim.
What we SHOULD be discussing is how epic it would be if they teamed up to battle the forces of evil. Batman, kicking demonic backside, with Jesus helping from the sidelines using divine intervention.
You make a good point. +1 [whatever your heart desires] to you.
I’ve never actually seen much involving Batman, so I shouldn’t have been so quick to call him Chaotic Good. I suppose I was thinking of Spider-Man.
Still, they would make a great team.
uhhh, no. Batman is as chaotic as you can get. He breaks so many laws its not even close to funny. Vigilante!
A vigilante is a private individual who *illegally* punishes an alleged lawbreaker, or participates in a group which metes out extralegal punishment to an alleged lawbreaker.
Sounds like a law abiding citizen to me.
no one worships batman. people do worship Jesus. the conversation on this status is really disrespectful because it’s comparing a religion – that millions of people take very seriously – to a cartoon that does not lie at the foundation of anyone’s paradigm or worldview. Once again the indefatigable double standard of self righteous generation prevails– you can discredit and scoff at THIS topic, but if anyone dares to voice a disagreement with a value that you have then they are bigots. and the fact that this status actually caused an argument about whether or not Jesus exists is laughably childish.
Batman = superhero from a series of books no one has ever seen up close, written and drawn by DC employees.
Jesus Christ = a person from a book that no one has ever seen up close, written by other people that has been translated several times, in and out of several different languages.
I loved how Enrique kept claiming Bruce Wayne was fictional but there isn’t a damn thing that proves Jesus Christ isn’t fictional, either – or, at least, nothing proving him as this Messiah-Son-of-God figure, anyway.
This was pretty awesome, loved it.
Hey, Ronald,
After some deliberation with a friend of mine who sent me to this conversation, we’ve decided that we’d like to have you over for some drinks, conversation and possibly some Street Fighter.
I’m a much bigger fan of Batman, but I think it’s only fair to point out that Jesus killed a fig tree just by cussing at it. There’s no example that he could do the same to people – but if he could – Batman is in big trouble.
…OK, I’m a Christian, but I don’t see why the OP needed to argue the point. Batman versus Jesus is a wonderful mental image.
I don’t think Bats could even physically harm him, though, since Jesus has already died, risen, and been Glorified. My take on it is that Jesus would win nonviolently. If Batman was sinning, well, Jesus would surely show him the error of his ways. Sit down and tell a parable, with that awesome spiritual influence only Jesus has.
Cut to Batman looking utterly deadpan. XD Maybe Bats does win.
Oh..Jesus had powers??? prove it. Just because it’s what you believe to be true, doesn’t actually make it fact. There is nothing wrong with believing in something, but stop trying to act like there is proof beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus was magical. Jesus of Nazarith existed, there was proof of that….but rising from the dead (which makes jesus a zombie, btw) and being all powerful??? Where is the proof? The bible? The bible has had more bad rewrites than a kevin costner film, plus there are so many different versions of the bible, and anyone who managed to get high enough in the religious ranks could have added or changed the bible over the years….so where is the rock solid proof that any of this is FACT?? There is no proof. It’s called “the greatest STORY ever told” for a reason. It’s a story. You expect everyone to respect your beliefs about jesus as if it were factual, yet you dont give the same respect to those who believe differently, and you wonder why people mess with you, like the batman vs jesus guy did? These religious types who dismiss anyone who might not blindly believe like they do, are so smug. Its disgusting. How did the world first hear about “God?” A man claimed to have heard the voice of god and decided to do what god told him…… yeah….. see nowadays, hearing voices… would be schitzophrenia. So for all we know, this entire world, our laws, or beliefs, or religions, could possibly all be a result of one man, all those years ago, who had schitzophrenia and heard voices. It’s possible isnt it? It all comes down to ‘faith.’ What YOU choose to believe, but its just a belief, stop acting like it is a “FACT” get over yourselves Jesus freaks! Maybe you will find more people will respect you if you respect them as well.
would you die for the ravings of a man you knew to be a liar or a madman? how do you explain the disciples’ willingness to endure voilent persecution and deaths if they knew Jesus was mad or a liar?
and what happened to Jesus’ body anyway?? Where did his disciples get the courage to go out and spread a lie? and why the raical change in attittude towards marginalised groups? nobody took care of the sick and infirm the way Christians did at the time.
I do not think you realise it, but many of the freedoms and benefits you enjoy even today only exist because of the Christian influence on Western Society. I sincerely doubt they would’ve come into existence if any other society or religion had taken precendence.
Maybe the disciples were as delusional as the madman. Otherwise how do explain Islam and Mormonism?
“I do not think you realise it, but many of the freedoms and benefits you enjoy even today only exist because of the Christian influence on Western Society. I sincerely doubt they would’ve come into existence if any other society or religion had taken precendence.”
1) Greeks also had a democracy, and they existed before Christianity.
2) America didn’t start from Christianity. In fact, the Puritans were running away from it. Before you start talking about Protestantism being a subset of Christianity, let me remind you that it came about because of disagreements with the original Christianity (Catholicism). America is NOT a Christian nation, people!
lets see
its kinda weird how julie didnt bring ONE argument up that would let this battle end in a win for jesus…ronald had some good arguments and enrique is an annoying moron
julies status clearly says her hero could beat anyone elses hero, in this case batman.
ronald brings up batman because its his hero and he thinks batman could win in a fist fight over jesus. julie comes up with some nonsense, boom. then it gets a little bit more in the direction of two people arguing, but julie clearly isnt after just explaining why, in her opinion, jesus would win, she just lists stuff that doesnt matter.
example: she says that batman cant rise from the dead and carry everybodys sins so “they” could recieve salvation.
would that matter in a fight between batman and jesus? no, not at all. the rising from dead part is another thing that doesnt matter, since jesus needs 3 days! to revive, 3 full days for batman to recover from a fight, sounds about enough time for me to heal up
julie goes on with these comments that are long, but dont say anything. ronald brings up other good arguments and never disrespects her believes, hes just after the part that matters, who would win in a fist fight.
another annoying part is when julie says jesus would never go in a fist fight against batman, how else could be beat every other hero? who saves the most lives? who turns more water into wine and makes people become alcoholics?
this one is a fail, since julie lacks the ability to argue, brabbling stuff that doesnt matter isnt arguing, another fail is enrique for obvious reasons.
so much for my comment, btw is anyone else annoyed by julies self-righteous smileys in/at the end of each comment?
A guy run’s up to a nun hitting her and kicking her ass. After beating her to mush he stands up and screams: all of Batman’s enemies are my enemies, Penguin!
I love how collected Ronald is about Batman. Something about Christians preaching the way Julie is makes my stomach churn. “His righteousness fills my spot. He is my LIFE. :]” Blurrrggh.
how, exactly, does one resurrect oneself? Wouldn’t dad have done that? Jesus was a 13th level NG cleric of God.
Batman would be a 10th level CG rogue/ 15th level fighter.
I have never heard of Batman walking on water, healing the blind, paralyzed, and sick, raising the dead, turning water to wine, or resurrecting after three days. Jesus also has healed me of sicknesses and answered my prayers.
No no no, son what healed you is not religious powers. You see son youir body has these things called antibody, they identify and attack foreign cells inside the human body. Unless of course you used medication which is made to cure sickness or went to a doctor that gets paid to cure illnesses and save the sick.
Oh, also did Jesus fight villians on a daily basis while trying to maintain his rich counter-part and not draw attention? No? Ok.
You know, I am a believer in Christ and all that fun stuff, but, actually, Batman would win. Jesus might have all those powers and stuff, but he doesn’t use it for himself. He only ever performs miracles to fulfill his Father’s will.
If “Jesus” died for our sins, thus “saving” all of humanity, then why do I hear so many christians going off about “you’re going to hell! sinner” blah blah blah. >.> Doesn’t that mean that Jesus didn’t actually save anyone, and just died for being a babbling schizoid? Because if he had saved everyone, then there wouldn’t be a hell and we would all go to heaven. So, since he DIDN’T save anyone (if we’re going by who saved the most people), doesn’t that mean that BATMAN is the actual winner?
But I forget that hell and heaven are just places that the church made up to entice more people to join their religion and scare their followers into doing what they want AKA donating money to the church to be “saved” from your sins.
Jesus’ name wasn’t Jesus.
He wasn’t Christian.
He didn’t found a new religion.
He was, as the Bible says, “the King of the Magis.”
So he was a Magis, or magician.
Some of the “miracles” were already recorded in books of magical spells.
He was a liberal, preaching against conservatism constantly.
He was one of 17 known “sacrificed savior gods” of Eastern religions.
So why wasn’t God powerful enough to “save” mankind without going through the “sacrificed savior” routine?
Roman Emperors routinely rose from the dead.
And then we have the Sacred Duck, Ouque-Ouque, of a South Pacific tribe, known in English as the “Wak-Waks.” You know how the French mis-spell everything.
We can’t leave without a quote from Jesus, “Republicans and sinners, Repent!”
I’m sorry, but ronald loses as soon as he discounts God. I understand that most people on this website do not believe in God and Jesus, and in your mind it is a fight between two imaginary characters, but you cannot ignore the qualities of one character just to make the one you favor win. Jesus claimed to be God. Whether He is or not is a matter of faith, but His claim is historical fact. God created the entire universe and could smite batman with a thought. Whether He would or not is a seperate discussion. This one is about whether He could and yes, he CAN take out Batman.
If you do not believe in God or Jesus or either, that is your perogative, but even if, in your mind it is a fight between two imaginary characters you must acknowledge all their qualities. Show me a quality of Batman than can take out God?
If normal civillians were able to crucify and kill Jesus, then of course Batman could simply beat him in a fight.
Jesus claiming to be God is as much a historical fact as what goes on in Batman comics. Both are printed and neither has any proof of its validity.
If God existed he wouldn’t have made stupid people who blindly follow an imaginary friend in the sky because an old book, maipulated over the centuries by whichever ruler was in charge at the time of translation, tells them there was once a little Jew who could turn water into wine.
I love how Julie gets so offended at the idea of a “fictional character” beating Jesus in a fight, yet she has no problem with the insuation by the OP (assuming that this is in response to the death of Bin Laden) that Jesus has beaten the Muslim “hero”, Allah. To many, Allah = Yaweh/God. Even if you discount idea that the gods in both religions are the same, the idea that one religion’s deity had beaten another is just as (or more) offensive than what Ronald has suggested.
People arguing about two mythical heroes, neither of which did anything in reality. Batman is a good comic and movie character. Jesus Christ was some weirdo idiot who roamed around preaching that he was the son of a God that science proves doesn’t exist. Surely people have more important things to worry about in their lives than this drivel?
Killing a fig tree just by telling it to die has to count for something. Besides, the part where Jesus goes berserk in the Temple and starts overturning tables: those tables were part of the temple, so they were probably made of marble. Plus, Jesus (after the resurrection) could walk through walls. Intangibility ftw.
The whole thing about real vs fictional shouldn’t be taken into account, because we’ve obviously set up a fictional scenario in which Jesus meets Batman. Also, philosophy and morals shouldn’t be considered because assuming both are fighting, they’ve already disregarded their morals for whatever reason.
Lastly, the word “beat,” though usually used in the physical “beat up” definition, can also mean “to surpass, win against” in a not-necessarily physical way.
Which version of Jesus are we talking about here? Pre-Resurrection Jesus? Post-Resurrection Jesus? The guy who works in a construction company? Second-coming Jesus? In three of the four cases I’d say Batman would be the winner, seeing as three of the four have no martial training. Second-coming Jesus against batman would be a complete and utter curbstomp of batman though.
Would just like to point out that PRIDE is a sin; so when you have people who are super-obsessed with Jesus like that Julie chick in this thing, they’re gonna be the first to burn, because of the very rules their faith requires them to follow……..irony is just awesome.
are we all forgetting Batman’s one rule? While the battle would be epic, Batman would certainly never KILL anyone, Jesus included. And I’m sure some passage could be found suggesting Jesus wouldn’t kill the Bat Man.
As I was saying, did anyone notice that (as of now, anyway) the percentage of people who voted for Jesus in the pole is roughly equal to that of people who disliked the post? It’s not like the submitter expressed or implied his/her side of the argument.
Hm. I’ve never seen any scientific evidence to prove that Jesus Christ lived, so I don’t know why anyone would claim to Ronald that there was more scientific evidence that Jesus Christ lived than there was for Bruce Wayne. The one has a point that Wayne is fictional. However….so is Jesus Christ. There’s tons of scientific evidence to prove that, if he lived, what he did on the cross wasn’t really a miracle. But, nothing that I know of that proves he actually lived. Then again, maybe somewhere, at some point, I missed a memo.
Read history…not the Bible, but secular history. Jesus is recorded in secular historical texts. Whether or not He was the Son of God is a matter of faith, but whether or not He walked the Earth is historical fact.
“Your good works can’t save you, being good can never save us.”
I hate dumbass statements like this. Why does Julie feel the need to stuff this sense of impending doom down our throats? And what do we need to be saved from?
I’m going with Ronald. Not because I believe that Jesus was fictional or real, but because his arguments are original, whereas Julie’s are just derivative.
Batman wins cause Batman is fiction. Fiction easily finds its way into hearts of man and inspires them to drem while J.C. and company are lossing folowers every day and every now and then some new archeological evidence pops up that desputes the church dogma and the Bible it self.
Religions have come and pass but miths and heroes are older then them. (sorry for my grammar)
I just enjoy watching the self-righteous *ssholes get their panties so bunched up… “OMG THATS SO OFFENSIVE”… I’ll tell you what’s offensive… shoving your religion down people’s throats to the point where gays can’t get married…. even though it DOES NOT INVOLVE YOU… Go support your damn wallstreet gas price speculating money loving pig f*ckers you hypocritical sh*ts.
There wouldn’t be a fight. Batman doesn’t pick fights with just anyone, and the most violence Jesus has participated in was flipping over a table when people tried to turn a temple into a market.
If by some entirely illogical reason they did fight, I think Jesus would win assuming he called on God’s less friendly powers. Y’know, like creating a meteor storm or calling down a tornado of fire. Otherwise he would keep resurrecting until Batman gave up or just take the hit like a man and remind him he’s a pacifist.
Yeah… but NO.
Since Jesus’ dad did nothing to stop the beatings on hist last day on earth, why would he do something to stop this one.
Maybe it’s gods will to have Jesus beat up again, why wouldn’t Batman do gods will?
There’d be no fight. Jesus would turn some water into wine, and they’d get to talking about that time Jesus actually /did/ dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight…
Both bruce wayne and jesus have equal merit in reality, as the only “evidence” of their existence is that someone wrote a book (or graphic novel) of them!
except for the records the romans kept of crucifying a man named jesus of nazereth lol so jesus actualy holds more weight then again im sure batman’s abilities are based on someone bob kane knew and the reincarnations of him are based on others, in the 70s bruce wayne was much like bruce…lee lol
*In a Fight, Batman Wins
*In catching Criminals, Batman Wins
*In sacrificing himself for others, a tie, Jesus Dies, and Bruce Wayne has no life
*In Resurrection, it’s a tie
*In Healing Powers, a tie as well, Batmans lab is pretty high tech
*In resurrecting others, Batman could clone someone, so… Jesus wins
*In Flying, well Jesus floats, so… this one is for Batman
Batman 5 – Jesus 3
I voted Jesus and here’s why.
First, some assumptions.
If you’re an atheist, doubter, of another faith or any other sort of disbeliever, you cannot deny Jesus’ son-of-god power on the basis of it being fictional as Batman is also a fictional character. Thus we must, even assuming Jesus-as-Christ to be a fictional character, approach this in their respective in-universe capacities. Also, we are assuming an all-out fight here, in which both combatants can (and will) utilize their full capabilities; no questioning the logic of the fight as to why two “good guys” are fighting eachother.
Second, capabilities of the fighters.
Thus Jesus is the son of YHWH GOD, all-powerful, all-knowing and all seeing. He is the nomadic son of an iron-age day worker, used to traveling the bandit-infested roads of a rebellious Roman annex with little more than the clothes on his back, subsisting on a caveman diet of fish and whatever he can pick up from the ground. He can walk on water, has COME BACK TO FRIKKIN LIFE after being dead for three days, and can transform or even create matter at will, with only (we presume) a thought; in fact, he can literally do ANYTHING simply willing it to happen. Instantly. And indeed, whether or not even his direct application of “will” is required is debatable; he did the whole resurrection thing while DEAD (no thought involved with a dead brain, or so we assume). He is motivated by his divine imperative to solve the problem of evil by accepting Divine responsibility for all mankind’s ills.
“Batman” is the nom de guerre of Bruce Wayne, a billionaire who uses his vast economic, political and technological resources in his moonlight occupation as a costumed vigilante. He is trained in multiple martial arts, is the pinnacle fitness exemplar, speaks dozens of languages, resourceful, inventive and well-connected. While he is, indeed, only a mortal human, he is also well accustomed to going toe-to-toe with individuals who are easily his physical better on paper, standing up to even Superman a character who, almost as much as Jesus & God, seems to have power and superpowers on-demand as plot requires. While he has not (except in cases which have since been retconned out) to this date ever survived being killed, but he HAS come back swinging from having his back broken by Bane, so the man has a tenacity bonus surpassing Bruce Lee. He is known for his athleticism, imposing presence and innovative array of gadgets of which he always seems to have the right one. He is Schwarzeneggar, Bruce Lee, James Bond and Chuck Norris all rolled into one neat, emo-dressed package. He is motivated by the death of his parents at the hands of a criminal, causing him to seek out and destroy those causing and responsible for the cause of all sorts of evil acts.
Which brings us to motivation, the reason these two supposed “good guys” are fighting. I left motivations for their Hero-ness to the end of each for a reason: Batman wants to destroy those responsible for evil. Jesus Christ has accepted personal/Divine responsibility for all evil. Thus he, as son-of-god is the ultimate evildoer and Batman is taking him down.
FIGHT!
OK, let’s assume for some reason Jesus becomes cryptically myopic and doesn’t simply undo Batman from existence, allowing Batman a first stroke. Jesus, again not breaking out with the whole “god powers” thing goes toe-to-toe with the Dark Night.
Snap. Broken neck. The end.
But wait…
Jesus is back up, fists in the air! Batman goes for the throat and…. Dear god it’s a massacre! Jesus is dead for sure this ti….wha…? JESUS IS STILL IN THE GAME FOLKS! He’s up he’s… dead. Again!? Is that his heat in Batman’s fist? It sure is, he’s certainly de—JESUS IS BACK IN THE FIGHT HE…died again.
Repeat ad infinitum.
For you see, Jesus has no motivation to win this. Batman is a good guy, or at least anti-badguy! He is not in any way related to Jesus’ mission in this. But, Jesus having accepted responsibility for all mankind’s evils, IS part of Batman’s mission, the penultimate evildoer, the target of targets!
So why fight at all? Well, Jesus accepted responsibility for all mankind’s ills… including Batman’s pathological need for violent vengeance! So…
SPOILER ALERT
Batman died when Bane broke his back. This is his heaven, forever killing the one person responsible for ALL evil.
jesus knows an ancient form of krav maga, it is even more (if possible) brutal than current forms of krav maga, its a hebrew martial art discovered in the time of david a bible time warrior, but while im a huge fan of batman and jesus they exist in this reality in some form, even if just the culmination of the worlds greatest masters and intelligent peace driven men respectively, jesus has been know for violence recorded only once when he found the banks invading the church,
i’d imagine jesus would fight with the equal honor of batman, jesus would heal him of any and all wounds thus restoring batman to his physical and mental prime, jesus would be himself *pre-resurrection* in his physical form for fairness, i agree jesus would allow batman the first strike and in a tai-chi judo style move turn the other cheek and batman find himself on the floor (i’d imagine they’d fight in a dojo so environment wouldnt be a factor) jesus would fight passively for awhile while batman would be aggressive in his own mind he is the ultimate warrior and if you look back he does get aggressive about his status being challenged (pre-52 status) after awhile though batman will wise up and become passive when jesus tries more judo moves batman will shift his weight and make it impossible to be flipped or thrown, or he’ll counter with wrestling moves
jesus will become the aggressor with long ranged attacks (kicks and quick punches) now if there are no rules jesus will apply krav maga’s go to move, the knee to the crotch, jesus gets batman in a head lock and bam bam bam, believe me even with a cup it will still hurt like hell, i’d imagine batman would shift to muy thai or muy boran using elbows and bone crushing kicks after 3 broken ribs jesus applies jiujitsu moves and to counter batman utilizes caporeria but ultimately jesus will win without powers because batman/bruce has yet to find a counter to a rear naked choke, and batman must give in,
this of course is if they’re not fighting to the death, if that were the case it would boil down to the last moves either would use that can kill, batman using a sleeper hold which a man use to pain can escape and jesus will use the crucifix hold *ironically* breaking and dislocating both his arms then simply snap batman’s neck
while i agree with most of the arguments here, i would like to point out jesus needs a 3 day rez period.
ie. hes dead, batman wins, if he wants a new fight after his rez then thats a new fight
jesus wins, he has healing powers and knows the ancient art of krav maga, jesus can also transmute any objects he wishes and drag batman out to the nearest lake and drowned him until he taps out or dies,
if he dies he just brings batman back and says you owe me! lol
Jesus said to turn the other cheek rather than to react to a slap. It would be hard to win against a vigilante that hits first and thinks about it later.
Batman would totally win because Jesus wouldn’t swing! He is a nonviolent revolutionary, and Bruce Wayne is a Pax Romana kind of guy. That is ignoring how they got into it in the first place
So when is someone going to point out to Julie that according to Jesus, her life as she puts it, who preaches to follow the bible, she’s going to hell? Bible says women have no place preaching, yaknow.
They both had very good arguments, and Julie could have given up fighting with Ronald long before that thread ended, but she stuck to her guns. I think ultimately most comic book heroes are (looking at it from a literary point of view) Jesus-figures. They sacrifice everything to help others. Fun thread. Thanks for sharing!
Actually, there’s conclusive proof that there was a guy called Jesus who claimed to be the son of God & died on a cross. The only unproven bit is the miracles, & other physics-defying stuff.
They are both fictional both part of very long and awesome fictional stories. The only difference is that jesus actually existed at one point. He never did any of the crap they put in the book but the person was real. Nothing in the bible is real its just an over rated fairy tale. I believe in a creator dont get me wrong and I have faith in our creator but the bible is crap just a book written by a man if it wasn’t there wouldn’t be so many different religions. Also just saying but batman vs jesus fictional character vs fictional character sorry to say it but neither would win batman would never give up and jesus wouldn’t fight back and neither batman nor jesus would kill someone so it would be an ongoing pointless battle.
I don’t understand where all of the big discussions are coming from. This is suppose to be a fist fight (not fight to the death) between two characters (fictional or not). Jesus could fight if batman challenged him to a friendly duel (which shouldn’t be out of his belief). With the fact that Jesus has god-like powers throws into the mix that the original fist fight could turn into a free for all without fear of either contestants dying (forever at least). Whether Jesus or Batman are fictional or not doesn’t apply since this is a (fictional) situation, so any and all abilities or equipment can be applied to it (to meet the demands of the audience). In the end nothing is lost….and both win, Jesus for being all powerful and Batman for being a ninja.
I give respect to Ronald in this post. He didn’t all out say, “well Jesus is fictional too,” because it would have disrespected the crazy Christians entirely. Despite the fact that I’m an atheist, Ronald has the better side of the debate.
(If I was Ronald, though, I would have all out disproved all religion; but that’s just me. That’s why I’m respecting him so much.)
I am curious to hear your take on the whole religion thing… Not much of believer myself, but raised in a family of devoted Christians, havent had the heart to break the news to them yet.
The real outcome would be that Batman would beat Jesus, but Jesus would win and Batman would feel really bad about it because he punched Jesus and Jesus just turned the other cheek.
1. It’s a moot point. Since Batman and Jesus both are “good guys”, there would never be a fight.
2. Those arguing against the existence of Jesus need to recheck facts. There is proof, even outside the Bible, of his existence. However, there would probably be no record of his birth because he and his parents fled to Egypt to avoid him being killed by the king (who had ordered a massacre of all boys under the age of 3, or something like that). There is, however, a record of his death. And, yes, it is outside the Bible.
3. Those questioning why he died need to check the Old Testament, where there were numerous prophecies that laid out his entire life and death… even down to what he would say while hanging on the cross, and the fact that his legs would not be broken (which they weren’t, because it was unneccessary; he had already died before they had the chance). Nobody before, or since, has had that luxury. That, on its own, upheld something that had been predicted over 400 years beforehand. Tell me… even if you didn’t believe the prophecies in that day, and thought it was a bunch of crap, wouldn’t you still stop and think at that? That’s just one example. I digress… anyways, the prophesy said that he would die to save the sins of the world.
4. You’re only saved if you believe. No, not everybody is saved, because not everybody believes. I, am a Christian, understand that, and do my best not to shove my religion down the throats of others (although I will correct them if they’re wrong about something). If I were God/Jesus, I would want the sacrifice of my life or my son’s life to be recognized, too. It’s really not that ridiculous a request… it’s not like you have to be perfect or all-knowing.
5. The New Testament was only written about 30 years after his death. Which gives it more credibility… I’m sure there were still plenty of people around that would’ve stopped and said, “Hey now! That’s not right!” It’s not like there was a lack of witnesses.
6. There are stupid people. Every group has them… Christian, atheist, Muslim, or otherwise. To make a generalization, and say that all Christians are stupid, is rude as well as false. Obviously, I must be somewhat educated, since my post isn’t something along the lines of “tl;dr” or “your stupid”. Also, people more intelligent than myself have questioned Christianity, and researched to back up their claim that Jesus did not exist, nor was he holy. Their results proved to them they were wrong. One such person was C.S. Lewis; another physicist recently wrote a book about it (I don’t remember his name right now, and don’t feel like Googling it). There have been other, less-noteworthy, people to do the same thing.
7. Not all Christians are judgmental. I, for one, am sickened by the ones who are. I’d probably hate them, too, if I had grown up around people like that. Don’t be sickened by someone like me, though, because of someone else… I didn’t insult you. If anything, I’m insulted because you’re bashing on what I believe, or judging me. If you don’t believe what I believe, or know someone who doesn’t live the “Christian lifestyle”, fine. But don’t be rude or hypocritical about it.
8. Have something valid/thought-provoking to say in response to anything I pointed out (in other words, not “stfu” or “tl;dr”)? Please, fire away. You might make me aware of something I didn’t know before, and cause me to look further in my beliefs. Thus far, it has happened… but I was able to find something legitimate to answer or respond to them. Maybe I missed something, as well. I’d be perfectly happy to respond with what I know.
Pretty sure peoples main point was that Jesus, was or was not God, the Holy Spirit. Yes, he existed, was he the son of “GOD”? No proof. Batman exists, he is a fictional character, therefor allowing him to exist. Just like God. All the proof allows us to understand is that Jesus was a MAN that existed. Nothing more, nothing less. I say make a debate a debate based on FACTS and not biased beliefs. Maybe then people wouldn’t be ridiculed.
Seriously, though – couldn’t he have just blocked her if he didn’t like reading all of her Jesus talk? Why start up something when it’s not – oh – I just realized: he’s a troll.
Do we have enough comments in here? Why is there so much open hatred toward Christians? Do you speak this way to people of all religions, or only people who believe in Christ? Seriously, this argument and level of disrespect never comes out with any other religion.
No, you NEVER hear anyone talking about Muslims in a bad light, only Christians.
And the reason that Ronald kept going instead of blocking Julie is that he was clearly enjoying every minute of the exchange. Troll? Perhaps. But Julie and Enrique were more than happy to keep the debate going as well.
Personally, I have no hatred against Christians, except those who are hypocritical or judgmental of others. Granted, that’s quite a lot of them, but not the majority.
I speak this way to people who are ignorant. No hatred towards christians but as a FELLOW christian pointed out…not thinking objectively. OMG JESUS IS AWESOME HE WINS. Look, if you want to have a debate on something, be smart about it. Don’t make yourself look stupid. Or hey, she just might not be able to do so. Because, well…
Batman wins because:
-He has a utility belt.
-He has the Batmobile.
-He has a mask and an awesome arch enemy.
-Batman’s had more resurrections.
-Jesus would be hindered by the nails in his hand.
-Jesus isn’t real so therefore he automatically forfeits the fight.
when Enrique says “Actually Batman is FICTIONAL” – why doesn’t anyone say “but so is Jesus…”?
This is one of those purely hypothetical arguments – like who would win in a fight between Han Solo and Lion-O. Whether either character is real or not is completely beside the point anyway…
Jesus wins because He’s awesome. He’s the reason I’m the way I am today and He’s gotten me through a lot of tough times in life. Can’t say the same for Batman.
Everyone’s got the right to believe as they wish, but for me, I’ll stick with Jesus.
I want to shake Ronald’s hand for being awesome. From this post it seems Christian’s who read this site can’t or quite possibly refuse to think objectively and all he wanted to do was point out a simple fact that the Christian’s took as a direct stab at Jesus. Quite honestly, as a Christian and a nerd, this post makes Christians look stupid. I believe in Jesus as my savior, but the fact that normal people can’t understand a debate between philosophies makes me sad to admit to the public I am a believer.
I just want to throw The Doctor into this fight. He could so win it. Jesus can use resurrect and the Doctor can use regenerate. Plus the Doctor is just so much cooler. Jesus may have died once to save humanity but the Doctor has died 10 times. Well maybe 11 times if you count the whole thing with the meta crisis. Anyways I would bet my money on the Doctor.
I feel bad for Jesus D= All these people mentioned have an unfair advantage. Jesus doesn’t have the technology and half the training regiments that batman used aren’t being used. Jesus died without any fancy technology/powers backing him up.
While there’s certainly been a ton of folks named Jesus in history (I’ve known five of them personally myself, four of them janitors, oddly), “THE Jesus” is no more or less fictional than Batman. Batman has books that say he exists, Jesus has books that say he exists. In both cases those books, movies and claims by folks all stem from the same source.
There are people named Bruce Wayne, there are people named Jesus (although most of them have different last names), but just repeating what you’ve read (“jesus exists” or “batman exists”) doesn’t make it true in either case.
You can’t just up and decide a piece of fiction is more real than another just because someone told you the first one was real.
Still, if Batman got into a fight with Jesus, he’d be beating up a peaceful, kind, loving man who didn’t fight back. So, he’d be punching out Jesus, while Jesus just took it. Batman would definitely not win in the eyes of anyone watching him beat up a ‘helpless’ man. Like a bully beating up a puppy.
jesus attacked some money lenders with a coil of rope at passover, the most pacifistic (except to livestock) festival of the year. How do you know jesus wouldn’t start it? Maybe jesus appears in modern times, goes into a bank and starts crap and Batman goes to the bank to stop what people assume is a robbery, as this angry beardy guy is screaming in some middle eastern language and lashing at the bankers with one of those velvet ropes banks have and that’s how the fight starts. Why you gotta assume Batman would be the aggresor?
Nobody is bringing up the fact that Jesus too was a fictional character who has been replicated through centuries having the same story told several times over from the ancient egyptians, Hinduism and as you now know it, Christianity. Check out the Egyptian story of Horus.
Nobody is bringing up the fact that Jesus too was a fictional character who has been replicated through centuries having the same story told several times over. From the ancient egyptians, Hinduism and as you now know it, Christianity. Check out the Egyptian story of Horus. Do some research on your religion. You will be surprised how much has been recycled through out the years. Also, per the Batman vs. Jesus fight, I would love to see a Hell-In-A-Cell match between the two of them. I think fictional Jesus could be pretty scrappy vs. fictional Batman.
You do realise that (all religious mumbo jumbo and force powers/matter control stuff aside) their was a real Yeshua of Nazerath. He really was the guy who made up a religion that would become Christianity (the Romans arrested him because he was rallying poor people, today he would have been called a Communist). And how do fictional Batman’s gadgets trump fictional “messiah-stereotype/traditional human-civilization-spanning hero story” Jesus’s matter control? (Turns water into wine, turns batmobile and bat armor into carbon dust and sends naked Bruce Wayne skidding down the street at 100+ mph)
So are we talking Bible Jesus or South Park Jesus? Because if it’s just the boring old bible version, then I’d vote batman. If, however, this is the South Park Jesus, he’d win no problem, because he’d have Santa for backup, and we all know Santa is badass.
I think it took Jesus three days to come from the tomb not because he was dead, but because digging under a 2 ton rock in the dark probably took him 3 days to accomplish.
Aw, this was a very nice post. In idea I want to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and actual effort to make an excellent article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and certainly not seem to get something done.
I rcently read the first few pages of the bible, it seemed lke a good story, but so is Batman’s comic series, so is Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy, and tbh, i’d preffer to believe in a hilarious amalgamation of alien races occupying this vast and varied galaxy, rather than one omipotent being who seems way too ossessed about our one little rock. And doesn’t (western) religion date back to when we truly believed/our best guess was that our planet was the centre of the universe, bost physically and culturally? If so, then the idea of a God watching over only us is a pretty innevitable conclusion for our great great great great ancestors to arrive at. And as far as science/religion go, they can be as bad as one another, but as of yet, science has the evidence, and at the rate it’s going now, religion as we know it probably won’t be around in a few centuries. (which isn’t really that long) just look how it’s declined, and now scientifit inquiry is helping to put it to bed.
And if religion isn’t going to help us sort out the economy, environment, population problems, and generall advancement of humanity on a non metaphysical scale, then i have no time or respect for it… Basically, what i’m saying is, we need to get our arses to Mars or there’s not going to be enough food, water, housing or power (which are all preeeety important) its literally that simple, and can you imagine how dissapointed a possible god would be in his supposed favourite ever lifeforms if we don’t ever get ourselves of this one little planet and end up vaporizing eachother?
First of all, yeah Bruce is an awesome superhero, My favorite, but his job was not manual labor, he was not a carpenter, who had to work with his hands and anyone who has done manual labor knows that you build muscle. So saying that Jesus was weak is wrong. Now comparing who was stronger would be difficult. And saying that Jesus was a pacifist is wrong too. My example is when Jesus went to the temple and overturned tables and drove out the money changers, is that not a violent act? As a modern comparison it would be like me going to a bank or somewhere where the people of this day do something like exchange money on a normal bases and tear the place apart. If I were to do that at a bank I would defiantly get news attention and probably arrested for doing such things. Wonder what caused the people to put Jesus on the Cross? Well it’s kinda plain to see, He was questioning the authority of the Jewish leaders, and they did not like it. So saying that Jesus would not fight Bruce is probably incorrect, since Jesus speaks about defending your home and tying up a strong man before entering his house to rob him, and many other ideas that are violent. And this is not discrediting Jesus’ idea of turning the other cheek, the question I raise to you is what is the context. Why are you turning the other cheek? When is it okay to defend yourself? When being attacked? or when being mocked?
batman would win by sticking his finger in his butt and making jesus smell it
I would win by taking a $hit on your head. In fact, here goes, $hitpoop… UNNNNGGGGHHHH!!! Done. Enjoy.
what is a dollar hit?
REALLY cheap smack
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION:
ht tp://blastr.com/assets_c/2010/09/optimusprime-vs-jesuschrist-thumb-475×706-46198.jpg
I got 404d!
Raptor-Jesus would beat the crap out of both of them
Giratina would defeat them both.
Problem?
*you’re
what is billy’s success rate these days? 80-90 percent?
Not sure… but it’s way too high. For the good of humanity, someone needs to make a list and put natural selection in effect… “you must be this smart to live”
It’s kind of funny how the dumbest are removed in nature but privileged in human society.
natural selection is just a theory and is starting to be unravelled. Dawkins has people brainwashed!!
Haha, dream on (and get your facts from other sources than creationist bs videos, you might notice what you said is not true at all. After all, gravity is JUST a theory, as well^^)
Science will prevail and triumph!!!
science is based on facts not on theory´s
it’s not based on ¨prove i’m wrong”
That’s what natural selection is based on.
here’s one : “a watermelon is blue on the inside until you cut it open” prove i’m wrong. http://www.drdino.com you should really watch one of his seminars.
that could very well be true
however scientific experiments show that it is very unlikely (as in, most objects do not randomly change color)
“it’s not based on ‘prove i’m wrong’
Bahahaha, as opposed to religion, which is built on a foundation of proof, right? Also, apostrophes are not for pluralizing. The word you’re looking for is “theories.”
Science’s goal is to find facts through THEORIES. Notice how it’s the THEORY of gravity. Or the Big Bang THEORY. THEORIES exist until something is irrevocably proven. That’s what science is.
That could very easily be proven with a microscopic camera, the type that is used in laproscopic and colonoscopy surgeries.
All you would need to prove was that oxidization hadn’t affected the flesh of the watermelon.
You will see with most fruits that oxidization is a slow process.
If we refer to Unicorns and Fairies.. most would agree that the default would be to NOT believe in them, until proven otherwise.
Why should God be any different?
The default is to NOT believe in Creationism, until proven with fact, data and unquestionable evidence, that it does indeed exist.
Successful troll is successful
it would still be “your”.
hahahahahahahaha
this was posted after cebuspoop and Kuroro!
*after
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Who is this black man and why is a white guy’s hand stuck to his face?
^this
No. It wouldn’t.
that wouldn’t be right either, idiot.
Yes, I know, I’m an idiot, I need to go back to pre-school and learn my abc’s, blah blah blah. I’ve heard it all before, never listened any of those times either.
You don’t know what a troll is, do you?
Ooops hit wrong reply button.
*dont
Really? Please tell me you’re joking. You DON’T do that, man, it could make me lose faith in the education system of today.
#116
I’m proud of you billy
actually, that`s also “your” …
Stuck his finger in you are butthole?
All his finger are belong in you are butthole?
Nope, it would still be “your” even there.
NO. You’re is a contraction for YOU and ARE and is appropriate in neither of those places.
I have that as a cologne
*cologne
*Bologna
*Epitome
C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Colon*
Forever Alone
wow that was so disrespectful and xtremely stupid!
Jesus is cruising in a car with St Peter at the wheel, listening to music and basically chillin out, when all of a sudden Jesus spots somebody up in the distance and yells to St. Peter: “Dude!, there’s Lazarous walking in front of us, lets play a joke on him… run him over!!!”, St. Peter reluctantly did so… after all, it was Jesus who told him to do it. St Peter stopped the car, Jesus gets out, puts his hand on top of the body’s head and says: Lazarous, I command you to get up!!!”, nothing happens, so he clears his throat and repeats: “Lazarous, I command you to get up”… nothing happens… so Jesus lifts the head and yells to St Peter: “DUDE, we have to get the heck out of here, he’s not Lazarous!!!”
But it’s too late, and Donnie shoots him in the head with his father’s gun for running over Gretchin, which explains future(/dead)-Jesus’s eye wound, and the rabbit costume he’s been seen wearing up to this point.
I knew that rabbit was a Jesus allegory.
*Lazarus. But yeah, that’s funny.
Jesus Can Turn Bruce Into Wine, And The Let The Homeless Drink.. Bruce Wont B Dead ‘Cuz He’ll Forever Live As Liquid[Unless He Evaporates LoL]
Jesus Can Turn Bruce Into Wine, And The Let The Homeless Drink.. Bruce Wont B Dead ‘Cuz He’ll Forever Live As Liquid[Unless He Evaporates LoL]
anal tragety
*Anal Justice.
But first they would both have to escape GlAdOs’ death traps, wich is impossible. If they start the fight inside the Aperture building, they would both die becuase of the deadly neurotoxins, so yeah, I call it a tie
Jesus stuck his finger in your butt and found your dads wedding ring.
My money says that raptor Jesus would win.
And YoDaddy says that Zombie Jesus would kick raptor Jesus’s @$$!
Isn’t Zombie Jesus just Regular Jesus? I mean, Regular Jesus is a zombie after all. Unless you’re talking about a prophet for zombies that just happens to have the same name, I suppose.
In a batman vs. jesus fight wins chuck norris.
Batman would just use his anti-dino spray. He’s got a spray for everything.
except a spray for bringing back his parents
WIN.
Perfect avatar expression for that comment. +1 interwebz for you!
Ouch, dude. That’s a bit harsh.
but his dad is actually the evil black mask and so he wouldn’t want him to come back
Orphan tears
I don’t get why people don’t believe Jesus is a fictional character…
Even IF there actually was some guy called Jesus all those years back and did stuff which everybody saw as a miracle, then he would be a scientist. All records of any miracles Jesus might or might have not performed were written down hundreds of years later, and the stories had only been passed on from person to person before that.
Having said that, this is another religion post, so inb4 >9000 comments.
“I’m right” “No, I am”
There is no need for a debate. This is all you’re gonna get. So maybe we could avoid it for THIS time? Reading through all this cr@p is really ruining failbook for me.
But there is no evidence that Jesus existed, let alone performed miracles.
Furthermore, even if Jesus did exist and perform miracles, that doesn’t mean he could beat Batman in a fist fight to the death.
Jesus is nothing but a wimp. He’s like a rat when compared to the beast that is Batman.
“Ooooh, I have compassion, and I never sin. Oooooh, I can resurrect myself. Oooooh look at me.” So what?! If you can’t fight, you can’t win a fight.
And also, believing in God means you lose instantly.
^ Epic win
oh wells,
i reckon debating about religion would be a bad idea but in a fist fight, i think batman will win IF only both are here? ohh! no, jesus maybe. hrrmm, hard to tell now. don’t know whether both existed.
well can’t prove it both aren’t here ain’t it?
Um, no. You’ll only like that comment if you agree with it. If there was something clever in it, it could still be a win no matter what your opinion is, but I see hardly anything clever in this comment, so those who disagree with it will hate the comment no matter what. You, on the other hand, are just happy because someone shares your opinion. The comment you declared an epic win can not be called such.
…I’m Ok with wasting my time on this right now; I’m just bored in school. I don’t think I’ll come back to argue this more, though, and I am definitely not going to get in some kind of religious argument.
I’m tomtwelve years old and what is this?
^ WIN ^
To the contrary, Jesus of Nazareth is a historical figure. Scientific evidence of superhuman feats, yea, not so much. But his existence as a person, isn’t really questioned.
The planet’s flatness and centrality to the universe were never really questioned (by people who didn’t want to burn at the stake) for a very long time. I’m not impressed with things that are never really questioned.
I’m not saying Jesus didn’t exist. But Lee is right, there isn’t a shred of contemporary evidence. No eyewitnesses wrote anything about him.
Half the bible is called the “New Testament” because the authors of the various books testify that Jesus existed. The witnesses are numerous, and the term “To witness” in fact has a religious connotation. Jesus is also mentioned in Roman civilization, and Christianity did play quite a huge role in Roman history.
Damn, I wish these comments had edit buttons so I could change “you’re” to “your” and remove a comma or two in my reply.
(Assuming that reply gets past moderation. If not, ignore this comment.)
I find it strange that your post is out of order with the rest of the posts here (the time of the posts).
Nvm, its fixed now.
Probably something to do with the fact that I’m in a different timezone. At the time I’m posting the reply to you’re comment, it’s 10:00AM on Friday morning locally, but in New York it’s 8:00PM on Thursday night.
But I’m not sure why that would make a difference.
And strangely, my post gets time-stamped as 5:00PM. Go figure.
Ah, I see. PSD; 5:00PM in Los Angeles.
Even if you were in a different time zone, the relative time differences should still be the same. It’s 10:50 p.m. where I am now, but when I click “add comment” it’ll probably show 8:50 p.m.
I think this page was just buggy at the time.
Again with the “you’re”! “I’m posting the reply to you are comment…”
How difficult can 3rd grade spelling be?
Evidently it didn’t, but very much agreed. At least the discussion is lively!
To soon….
Actually, the New Testament was written about fifty years after Jesus allegedly existed. So, he could have existed, but his stories would be highly exaggerated, due to the telling and retelling by mouth.
You mean HERAKLES.
No, I mean Heracles.
*herpes
^ Win
The difference is that records of those people were made in their own lifetime, so we can be pretty sure they existed. The same can’t be said for Jesus.
Not necessarily true. The Trojan War would be one example of an event that was written about well after it took place.
Please remember history does not start the moment people began writing. There are numerous texts that detail histories that were written well after the events described. But even IF a record was written when it happened the validity of it’s analysis or it’s description are not verified by when it was written.
The fact here that throws a nice wrench in the “fiction” claim of the Bible is that both Old and New testament are used by historians to learn about our past. Primarily OT, but there are parts of NT that are revealing about history.
And that’s why The Trojan War isn’t a historical event. Unless you believe son of Zeus who could only be harmed by getting hit at the heal actually existed, at which point you might as well believe in Jesus too.
It is an historical event. The way it was told may have been embellished but it is a historical event. It may not of happened exactly how Homer depicted it. But it did happen. Classical Greeks thought it was history and there were famous Greek historians that agreed it did (although they thought Homer embellished events).
It has been a debated piece of history, but today most historians agree that the events are grounded in truth. Get your head out of the 1870s and do some research. ;P
Boy, you guys are unbelievable with your crap spelling and grammar.
@neoritter: “the validity of it’s analysis or it’s description are not verified” means “the validity of it is analysis or it is description are not verified”. Take the damned apostrophes out. 3rd grade spelling fail.
@Kazad: “heal” should be “heel”.
@neoritter: “It may not of happened…” should be “It may not have happened…”
JEEZ
There’s no proof that Jesus did anything, There is only proof that he was alive as a carpenter.
as I said before, go read Josephus… *sigh*
modern historians view much of josephus with suspicion, he was never entirely truthful or factual
Are you kidding me? What do you call the gospels? Like, four dudes just got together and said hey, lets write a bunch of fiction about some guy raising dead people and stuff? NO! Every single one of the gospels is an eyewitness account. Plus a religion that spans one-third of the worlds population is worth looking into. And many great scientific minds have examined the evidence and concluded that jesus and god exist and are all powerful. Go ask a pastor or a priest about it sometime. Or read “Mere Christianity” by C. S. Lewis. one of those great minds I mentioned
Start a war and it will be fought…when it comes down to it does it really matter? We’re born, we live, we die. Those whose beliefs permit get 1ups, some go to a mystical paradise, Ima just plain die…game over wa wa…You seriously believe everything you read? In that case superheroes are real, vampires twinkle, and wizards have their own private school….who let you on the intranet? Heck i’ve read a book (You might be a zombie and other bad news-i think) that is accurate in its facts that states that Jesus tamed a group of dragons as a child, that he just up and killed some kid who looked at him funny, and used laser beams from his eyes to toast someone for scuffing his shoes….When it comes down to it just believe what YOU want and leave the rest of us to be happy with our own theories. All powerful pfff… how about this, pray to Jesus that tomorrow it’ll rain Gatorade (or what have you)…. and guess what, it won’t. Tell the truth its a good thing there are fanatics like you devoted to what they believe….just leave the rest of us out of your delirious world.
Win
They are eye witness accounts but not necessarily directly from the eye witness. The oldest and probably most reliable is the Gospel of Mark. Mark was a disciple of the Apostle Peter. He actually talked with the man. I believe that Gospel was written something like 60 years after the fact. Not entirely too long to be honest.
You’re a pretty awesome human being.
Actually it is. There is no evidence for Jesus being a historical figure whatsoever. Jesus was a common name, but you can be 100% sure that Jesus as portrayed in the bible did not exist.
Shroud of Turin
Proves what exactly?
Why won’t the Vatican release a sample with a bit of the stain for testing?
Because it’s a fake.
+1 Internets
I’m pretty sure they did do testing… which showed that it was from the 13th century.
Maybe Jesus could challenge Batman to a “walking on water” contest.
Would that make you reconsider?
Actually, scholars have said that there are a couple of translation errors in the bible:
1)Jesus was walking BY the water, not ON water.
2)that part about a CAMEL thru a needle point was actually a ROPE thru a needle point
Point one, is that true?
Well… Isn’t failbook an amazing place to learn new thing.
Shame I can’t quote it.
http://www.searchgodsword.org/lex/grk/view.cgi?number=1909
seems awsome, but FAKE
Proof or it really did happen.
well a video is a series of pics so… pics or it didn’t happen applies here
Ignoring that it is fake. Running != walking.
*did
Now THAT ^ is an epic win!
so the trick here is to be light and fast…..now i wish i was black haha….
Mythbusters busted this video last week. sorry.
I was just about to say this, haha. kudos.
Obvious faker is obvious.
I like how you can say “Scholars (experts/scientists/etc.) say ________________” and instantly be believed. Point one is not true. The Bible is very clear that it was on water, and not by water.
Ok… the word means by/over… check it out:
http://scripturetext.com/mark/6-48.htm
Read about it, as I am sure you can read ancient texts, right?
But, why bother, right?, lets believe whatever is said in Sunday School…
http://www.searchgodsword.org/lex/grk/view.cgi?number=1909
Look again, Einstien. Three translations for one word.
I personally like the idea that Jesus floated above the water, by usage of a rainbow.
And magnets.
I like how you can say “The bible is clear” without a degree in theology or a degree in ancient languages.
well, the fact that the part afterwards talks about Peter sinking IN the water after walking out ON the water toward Jesus makes it pretty clear… and if He was just walking by the water, i’m not sure why they’d think He was a ghost.
I thought we were discussing the buoyancy of zombies here, not ghosts?
he could have a glass copy of the bible
Scholars are awesome, but I’m pretty sure they are not claiming that the part of the biblical story where Peter doubts it’s Jesus, then the J dog invites Peter to walk on the water with him, and then Peter tries to, and then starts to sink, and then a handy lesson is taught that you have to have faith, that doubting can lead to drowning, and that Jesus can save you, could be replaced by “and then Peter walked BY the water too”.
dammit, didn’t get this far.
Peter walked BY the water, then sank in quicksand.
another theory….
Jesus = turn water to wine. Human body = 70% water. Let’s see batman try to fight when he is drunk to the point of alcohol poisoning.
1) No, He was ON the water. It was just frozen at the time.
Still, equally hard to thread a rope through the eye of a needle
.
Apparently some have suggested that the “eye of a needle” was a narrow gateway through a city wall, thus suggesting that Christ was saying “you can’t take it with you” because when entering the gate the camel would need to have the goods removed from it…
…however there’s no evidence for such a suggestion, its just scholars in more affluent institutions trying to excuse their wealth; turns out Jesus was just being flippant.
Thin, fine rope + huge needle
Maybe Jesus was speaking in metaphors? I don’t know the context….
If Jesus gave Batman time to prepare, we know how’d that end.
Also what kind of contest is that?
I believe Batman would figure something out
Walking on water? Batman has walked on air. Batman has also spacewalked on vacuum.
Hell, I could walk on water if it was cold enough.
Oh yeah? Well *I* can walk on custard.
pictures or it didn’t happen
wow. after 6 hrs. of npr, that^ is funny.
Jesus walked on custard. You heard it here first!
…Well this is awkward…
… also Jesus would be constantly turning his other cheek, only to receive more punches on the kisser.
Why does everyone try to justify what they believe on Failbook? If that’s what you believe, good for you.
well, see, that’s the whole point of this post.
but if it were a fight to the death, I’d put my money on Jesus. Even if he can’t fight, he can self-resurrect, and that’s pretty powerful in a fight to the death. It means he can’t lose, and all he has to do is wait until Batman is 90 years old or something and chokes on a ham sandwich. Of course, Batman could just be the cape and the position, and maybe Bruce retired years ago and there’s always a new Batman. In that case, Jesus will have to wait a long time. I suppose it’s possible that he’s worked this all out and decided to spend the interim in a comfortable place with fluffy white furniture and harp music – like, yeah, heaven. So somewhere near the end of time, or when the Batman franchise has been ground to dust, Jesus will return, pop the weakened Savior of long-forgotten Gotham in the eye, and win.
Or he could self resurrect and over years learn all of batman’s moves and beat him.
not if he is secretly using phoenix downs and runs out….
He has to die first before he can ressurect, so he already lost.
Of course Jesus exists, I believe in Jesus, as a matter of fact I know him, well really I know more than one Jesus but guess none of them makes miracles next time I see one of them I’ll ask if they perform any kind of miracles or magic tricks then I’ll let you know if that’s truth or myth, until then Batman rules.
Given that she is over 80, I am reasonably certain that Batman could beat my aunt Jesus is a fight. However, since she is over 80 and a law abiding citizen, I doubt she would be getting into a fight with Batman in the first place.
Then there is no proof any historical figure ever existed and did anything.
Don’t be stupid, Jesus is a freaking DEITY. What does Batman have? His utility tool? Anti-shark repellent? Please.
And don’t go believing that Jesus was a wimp because he preached compassion, because the dude was known for his temper tantrums. He once killed a child because he ruined the mud birds he made.
A) you’re a bigot. But let’s ignore that for a second.
Aside from Jesus’ “turn the other cheek” philosophy, the man was a carpenter, that means he had to be tough. But let’s also ignore the fact that after being tortured tremendously and most likely starved he was able to carry a very heavy cross up a hill (with a little help at the end).
Also if we’re going to with he’s a fictional character, let’s source South Park. Anyone remember the Christmas episode in Iraq?
Carrying a cross up a hill isn’t such a big feat for a man who can move a 2 ton stone.
I’m a carpenter and I couldn’t beat Batman in a fight. I don’t think that argument proves anything.
True, but it proves that the rational behind why Jesus wouldn’t win is false. He wasn’t a wimpy guy.
The idea that he didn’t exist is moot, becaues Batman never existed as well. So I’m not sure why the point was ever brought up. And since we’re arguing two potentially fictitious characters the information about them must be accepted.
Batman is a ingenious crime sleuth with a myriad of gatchets and training in most if not all forms of martial arts (I heard that somewhere). And a billionaire with the ability to purchase or commission any device that can be invented.
Jesus was deity who in life was a buff carpenter that could move rocks and carry a cross after being weakened through starvation and torture. He also is/will be a general that will vanquish one of the greatest evils of all time (well debatable, but I’m sure in the DC universe Satan wouldn’t be a push over even for Batman). He also has the ability to heal injury, sickness, and raise the dead. He’s kind of like Thor here.
I’d bet on Batman ( I mean he beat Superman, one of the most OP superheroes in the DC universe, aside from Ion, Green Lantern’s super bad-a persona); but I don’t think it’d be an easy fight.
^ THIS
Thank you.
I recomened a book called The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ by Philip Pullman, as it makes all the acts of Jesus look real, and then shows the exagerations of them into miracles. And before people start saying I’m a christian blah blah, I’m a follower of FSM.
I’m guessing that Philip Pullman got the living crap beat out of him by the nuns in school. His distaste for anything religious, particularly Christian, and, more particularly Catholic is unparalleled in contemporary writing.
probably but that doent make him wrong, bitter and angry perhaps but still correct
but severe bitterness induces severe bias. and it should cast doubt on someone’s credentials, because they will promote their agenda rather than giving a more honest examination of all the evidence – do you think that christians are severely biased? what’s the difference between one severe bias and another?
Republicans.
key word: induces
but wtv, it depends what’s in his book. People need credentials to present factual, real-world evidence, but not to present logical arguments.
Yes, I think the more Christian you are, the more biased you become.
but he’s such a nice man – opens fetes and stuff like that. maybe you just don’t like an educated man being anti religous
I’m sorry, your point about bias is completely mislaid because you only say ‘you’re guessing’ that Philip Pullman had some experience to bias him against religion. So you’re saying because he holds this opinion (and for no other reason) he must be biased, and because he is biased his opinion must be wrong.
I, for one, have never been ‘biased’ against religion by my life experience. In fact I was even taken to church a bit as a kid and thought it was all fine, though it was more about community not religion. When i grew up i grew to have the exact same opinions as Pullman.
Now if I said I have a strong dislike of religion and/or Catholicism, would you assert against all evidence that I was beaten by nuns as a kid?
What is FSM?
Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Fisting and Sado-Masochism. I didn’t think it was mutually exclusive of being a christian.
http://bit.ly/kuzPut
actually Jesus was quite a common name at the time. so there was a Jesus, except I dont think he had any power (nor his fathers)
My Mexican gardener’s name was Jesus.
I have Jesus’ shot glass.
Jesus was not a common name at the time.
Yeshua was.
(Which should be translated to Joshua, not Jesus. You’re all calling him by the wrong name translation.)
The books/letters were written in Greek. “Jesus” is fine. We call Peter by that name rather than Cephas, even though that’s the Aramaic (and referred to in other letters).
Historians specializing in ancient Rome in laugh at your opening statement.
but he didn’t live in Rome. He was from Nazareth.
So how come he had a Mexican name?
He didn’t. He had an arabic name. I think it was Isa?
I don’t know why the western world decided to name him Jesus instead, but we did.
The Latino name of “Jesus” actually comes from the Hebrew name of the same spelling.
And why was he born in Bethlehem if he’s from Nazareth?
And why doesn’t anyone seem to understand that the Roman empire is different from the city of Rome we had today?
OMG! THINGS USED TO BE DIFFERENT??
Rome has been capital city of Greece all along, jeez.
Greece hasn’t existed all along, jeez.
Dude Rome is the capital city of Italy not Greece.
What kind of idiot are you? Know your geography man
STIS
Have you ever bothered to read the Bible?
everyone, especially those attempting to prove the bible untrue should read the above comment. If all u ever search for is to prove the bible untrue then that’s what ur gonna find.
Please excuse that this comment is un-researched, but you, Chalita, seem to imply that you know the bible reasonably well and you’ll correct me if I’m wrong.
I believe the bible says that Jesus was born in Bethlehem not Nazareth because the Roman empire was conducting a census/exacting a tax that required everyone to return to their towns of origin. So, Joseph, had to go back to Bethlehem. Simple, right?
Except that, as has been stated previously on this thread, the romans kept quite good records, and there is no record whatsoever of any sort of census that would require everyone to travel to their town of origin. And logically, that would be almost impossible to do in ancient times.
You mean how come some Mexicans have Hebrew names? Same reason many people in European countries do.
The catholic religion greatly influenced naming trends.
Jesus is the English form of the Hebrew name Yoshuah (ישוע) which was quite common in Judea at the time.
Nazareth was part of the Roman Empire. Also I’ve heard they had census back then and it is recorded that Jesus did live at that time. Whether you believe He was the son of God, just a really cool guy, or a hack, well that’s up to personal interpretation. I don’t think Batman would fight Jesus so my answer is neither.
everyone seems to forget about the census, which was the reason joseph and mary went to bethlehem, supposedly
Everyone seems to forget that the gospels say Jesus was born during the reign of King Herod of Judea, who died in 5 or 4BC.
Then the gospels mention the census ordered by Quirinius, the governor of Syria, who didn’t take power until 6AD, said census being the reason Jesus was born in a barn in Bethlehem.
See, nobody’s perfect.
What about vampire Batman fighting zombie Jesus? Who would win then?
I’ve heard that it wasn’t recorded at all. Now what do we do?
Do you have any scholarly evidence that we have record of Jesus on the census? (Why would he even appear? Why would they record small children? Up to a certain age, they were considered barely human, given the high mortality rate. For that matter, how do we have this complete census? And why did they even record anyone’s name at all rather than just do a count?)
I think you’re making stuff up.
i dont think either one would want to fight the other and also we mesure our time by him…ALL OVER THE WORLD, no matter what religion u r, so im pretty sure he must’ve done something pretty fantastic
Incorrect. But thanks for playing.
Christians care more about the message of Christ, not the miracles he performed. Christ came into this world with a message that men have dignity that is inherent with being human; That money does not make anyone better than anyone else; That loving money above all other things rarely works out; that people should not be killed arbitrarily for fun, and that all men are brothers.
COMMIE LEFTY SOCIALIST BETTER DEAD THAN REDDDD
oh it was jesus, never mind
Ok, you’re missing the point, Who would win in a fight???…
That doesn’t sound like christians?, maybe 2 to 5% of them…
Most of them only treat otyher chrsitians like that… ask them about evolution and muslims and see their answer
I’m a christian who believes in evolution, much like the pope and most of Europe’s christian population. Creationism seems to be a uniquely American invention.
I apologize for the generalization…
Apology accepted!
C-C-C-CIVILITY!!!
oh ur saying that all christians would respond with a predjudiced answer similar to the predjudiced comment u just made
The Bible could simply be the first superhero book, just simply taking the name and death sentance of some guy they heard about. Jesus was a popular name, and there is evidence that a guy with that name, in that time was crucified so there was a Jesus, but if it is the same guy or the son of God is debatable.
I personally don’t believe it, and so long as they’re not shoving it down my throat I have nothing against those who do.
Hercules comes to mind
I KNOW RIGHT. it’s so frustrating. I mean WHY can’t people open their eyes?! Why do they believe in a guy who’s been dead for so many freaking years. it’s so easy to change history. They are being manipulated ugh. I’m so happy to be an atheist, to be free. Can’t believe that in 2011 they are still people who think like they are in 1800.
OPEN YOUR EYES ALREADY ! D:
open ur eyes and realize that ur putting down a man who was ttortured to death for u, whether wanted it or not he still died for U, because he wanted you to find something better than what he belived u would find as an atheist
I think you really only proved his point more. You’re guilt trip only makes him more “happy to be an atheist, to be free.” And like he said, your believing “a guy who’s been dead for so many freaking years. it’s so easy to change history.”
Besides, you’re God is freaking omnipotent! Why the f’ did he need to go through pain and death? Why did he need to “rest on the seventh day”?
thisisatest
Oh, now its letting me post.
f’ing page.
*your, not “you are guilt trip only…”
lulz its fun trolling ppl
Besides, you mist too others….
#thisisanothertest
Heres what would happen if a spacial warp in the universe caused Jesus to get in a fist fight with Batman. B.man would put up his dukes, Jesus would start preaching some beautiful crap abut “you are my brother under the lord and I will not fight you, for we are all equals so long as we are faithful to god, and-” at which point Batman would punch him in the jaw and knock him unconsious, Batman wins. But, when Bruce gets old and dies he goes to hell, happy christains?
wait i though batman was a good guy…why would he punch someone who doesn’t mean anyone any harm?
*ahem* “special warp in the universe”
tl;dr
I actually agree this time. I made it about 1/4 of the way down…
The final third is a repost of the 2nd third, so if you read 2 thirds, you read it all.
It’s only 66% as long as you might initially think.
Was about to post that…
the jist of it is, Batman wins against everyone every time.
I think surprise attack would win against batman… much like it would against most other heroes… if they can’t die, they get immobilized, which results in a loss
meh. TL;DR
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-popular-phrases-that-make-you-look-like-idiot/
tl;dr
Just watch Carlin’s standup on religion. Fact. Tons of it.
Love George Carlin. Not to mention Bill Hicks
Frisbeetarianism!
Holy Batfight!
*SNORT!*
Like
Ha!
This is the perfect example of why you “don’t feed the trolls.”
Why can’t we all just say that God doesn’t exist??
N00B.
Interesting question… my answer would be: “Because of the general lack of intelligence (religious) people have”.
I would say “oh, god”, but as the conversation is about lack of god, that wouldn’t really work. But atheists seem to like saying it a lot anyway.
so if you believe in a god… you’re stupid? Was Einstein an idiot then? Ghandi? Descartes? I’m pretty sure intelligence is independent of belief.
First of all, Einstein never was and never will be a believer in god. His example of god doesn’t play dice was direct criticism of quantum mechanics. Where his definition of god is more along the lines of Spinoza’s god. Go google it.
Second, as someone who has studied Descartes work, I say yes, Descartes was an idiot. Do you even know how many unexplained lapses there are in his thought process? Though I recognise the importance of his work in the influence it had. That doesn’t make it especially good.
Thirdly, Ghandi, he’s a f**king Hindu. He states that religion is no more than a human institution. At best, you can say he’s a deïst.
In other words, Einstein did not use the term “god” in the typical sense, but in a more “poetic” sense.
Other than knowing how to make peace (and even then he failed in the end), Ghandi didn’t really know anything.
And if you (NoseMoking) had done any research, you would see that there are statistical studies concluding that there is a strong correlation between intelligence and Atheism, so no, they are not independent.
You two guys win ALL the internetz
Because no one knows. If you think you know one way or the other, you’re an idiot. The only truly intelligent people say “I don’t know” when asked if God exists.
actually, it would be more like “all signs point to no, but we can’t be sure”
and if you want to get technical… he ABSOLUTELY exists, even if it’s only as an idea (the same way little red riding hood exists)
A good deal of signs point against macro-evolution too, but people believe that.
Macro evolution is just micro evolution repeated until the result is significantly different from what you started with.
Saying micro evolution happens but macro evolution doesn’t is like saying; sure you can get a few drops of water a minute from that leaky pipe but there’s no way those drops of water would ever be enough to fill a bucket. Not in a million years…
it’s not that simple – if it was, we’d see creatures evolving all the time (and new species all the time). Evolution also must account for the stasis of some species (living fossils) over millions of years, while other body plans have been completely eliminated.
I’m not sure we can take the jump from animals adapting to their environment and the generation of brand new families of animals out of those adaptations. There’s a lot of factors standing in the way; inbreeding, environmental shift, actual elimination of genetic material as it becomes “undesirable”, re-mixing of populations, specialization and symbiosis to name a few. In theory, it may sound good, but I’m not sure it actually pans out in reality.
Empirical evidence from experiments (rather than numerical models) will have to address these questions and more to fully convince me that evolution is realistically feasible as a mechanism for life on earth as we know it.
Evolution does account for the stasis of some and elimination of others: the ones that stayed stayed because they worked; they help the species survive in their environment. The ones that got eliminated disappeared because they didn’t work (or did work, but not anymore due to a change in the environment). It’s the very basis of natural selection.
I don’t see how the “factors” you speak of are in the way. Inbreeding and re-mixing of populations are not forms of adaptation, so those don’t count. As for the others I don’t see you’re point.
If evolution accounts for all of this then why aren’t anymore random species just big banging their way in to existence constatly?
Why would any of this imply “random species just big-banging* their way into* existence constantly*”?
They kept saying Batman is a fictional character which is funny because so is Jesus.
Batman > Jesus any day.
Jesus was real. His existence is not up to debate. His supernatural status is.
show me his birth certificate, then we’ll talk.
does it have to be long form? oh and is his certificate of live birth acceptable?
SHOPPED!!
Damn it trump… we talked about this!
LOL
^ the birthers should apply their logic and rigour to their own heroes for sure
That’s a lie. His existence was never proven. If you are refering to modified texts through the ages..well….Zeus and Hercules were real too!
^This.
Hercules is very much real. He is sitting on my feet right now.
.. My cats are named Zeus and Hercules.
Jesus H. Christ! That was EPIC!
tl;dr
When I read something like “Your good works won’t save you. Trying to be a “good” person won’t save you, only Jesus will”, I really hate religion.
This… is why I have a big problem with xtianity.
Can’t agree with you more. That really raised the hairs on the back of my neck.
Agreed, people who talk like that make me nauseous :S Believing in something can be good but people who get carried away by it like this are just scary
*nauseated. (nauseous is an adjective)
And so I learn something new every day
. English isn’t my native language so forgive me my mistake.
So why is this always just applied to Christianity?
It’s not always Christianity. I said believing in something, that can be a lot of things and religions. Sadly enough it’s mostly Christians that feel the need to be like this. I’ve never had a Buddhist or even a Muslim bother me with needless info about their believes and I like it that way.
because u live in america. what is with all thesepredjudiced generalizations geez!
christianity is the number one religion in america and the the gospel encourages them to share the gospel.
islam is the number one religion over the rest over the world and many of them share their religion too, in fact in many countries if you disagree with islam you will be tortured to death hows that for shoving a religion in ur face?
why does their statement of truth make you “really hate religion?” if you dnt belive you dnt believe its as simple as that.
I have a friend called Adam West who played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar. I’d love to see him fight with himself XD
Me too.
Why is this on failbook? It’s neither a fail or a win as you see these discussions everywhere on the internet…
Also, Jesus turns all of the water of Batman’s blood stream into wine, Batman dies of alchohol poisioning.
^^
Ohh, that’s /good/
…then walks over it!
^winning
In theory, that would work, but you have to consider Jesus’ mentality… once the fight is initiated, Jesus would simply “turn the other cheek” and get beaten up without resistance. He wouldn’t want to kill Batman or cause him harm in any way.
Batman wins! :’D
jesus would turn the other cheek but batman wouldn’t hit it because he’s a good guy. why is are so many people preying on Jesus’ peacful nature and saying Batman would hit him cuz Jesus would let him? Jesus would not hit batman, and batman would not hit jesus. Batman goes after bad guys!
But the whole premise considers that they would HAVE a reason to fight
in no way would Jesus fight, which means he would either give up right away or let Batman beat him up
Batman, on the other hand, fight people all the time and as such would have no problems with beating Jesus up, if he had a reason to
If the premise is that they would have a reason to fight, that Bat Man would have a reason to fight Jesus, then it would stand to reason that Jesus would fight back. On the other hand, if Bat Man’s reason for fighting Jesus is that Jesus foretold of his parents death and yet did nothing about it, (as he did his own death) then Jesus may still not fight and just turn Bat Man into a Leper as punishment.
All Praise Alanis Morissette!
He has a spray for that.
It was an extremely clever and patient (and successful) troll, so it’s definitely a win.
“go HUGE a tree”
this is why i could never have a conversation with a religious zealot
or an anti-religious zealot. They’re as bad as each other!
But in this case, you only have religious zealots… all along, Ronald is accepting that Jesus exists.
Well, he did exist. You have to make up your mind about his teaching, diety status though.
was he that thin?
You have to make up your own mind about how diety he was.
Paul 3:16; And Jesus ruffled through the packets of sugar until he found a nutrasweet for his cup of tea. And it was good.
And now I have to heros: The Caped Crusader and Ronald.
*two
*heroes
But assuming there was no Lazarus Pit (whatever that is) handy, Jesus would ultimately win by longevity.
*Batman uses Judo chop. It’s super effective!
Jesus is Dead.
*Jesus uses Resurrect!
No matter how much damage Batman does, Jesus keeps coming back. Batman does not resurrect, so his life-points just go down.
Jesus is an unbeatable boss.
(Unless Batman has seen the movie Dogma, and therefore contrives to keep Jesus in a coma. If one were to beat Jesus NEAR death, then freeze him…. Mr. Freeze could beat Jesus.)
What if Jesus could only Resurrect once? I mean, He only did it once (apparently he did), but no stories of a second time. It could be like a phoenix down, the only one in existence tho.
I don’t know. If you accept the Bible as canon and a decisive explanation of Jesus’s powers, it does say that by dying, he defeated death. I think that sounds like he can never die again. Maybe this fight won’t go down like you’re assuming…
The Lazarus Pit is a pit filled with fluid that would reverse the aging process and could bring back the deceased.
Even Robin’s done it once. (Jason)
Jesus could heal the sick, blind and crippled. I don’t see why he couldn’t heal his own wounds before he entered a coma. Plus, I imagine coming out of a coma is tons easier than coming back from the dead anyway. I’m putting my money on Jesus on this one.
And the “Jesus wouldn’t fight” excuse is lame. I mean, obviously Jesus and Batman are on the same side. It’s like Kirk vs. Picard when there’s no reason they’d ever fight, that’s not the point of the question.
I agree, they should both go out and kick bad guy asses together, then hit the bars and get blitzed.
Bars? They’d just have to go to the nearest body of water.
Bathman?
No silly, Jesus can make wine! Free drinks til everyone’s smashed!!
Jesus dancing on water with a lampshade over his head, the water beneath his feet turning to wine with each step.
Um, you realise Jesus is a Zombie? One mighty thump on the head, and Batman pwns Jesus.
dismember dead jesus in the 3 days it takes him to resurrect, encase said pieces of jesus in seperate lead blocks and bury in seperate graves on different continents.
if he couldnt heal the wounds on his hands i doubt he could recover from that
he chose not to heal those wounds, not because he couldn’t but because he knew he had to die for YOU.
… what about putting Jesus into a clinical death state… theoretically then he’s not dead from a spiritual point of view but from a medical point of view he IS dead… and there you go….
or what about this: batman pwns Jesus and kills him… BATMAN WINS
Jesus resurrects himself, pwns batman and likks him, JESUS WINS
there you go, they both win and it’s not a tie…
They found out Jesus didnt walk on water “He walked by water” with his followers.. the wording just changed as the hundreds of years went by.
Mmmm, no. Translate it from the original greek and it clearly says he walked ON water.
twas a sandbar.
‘Twas a shallow puddle, not two inches in depth.
Then how did Peter almost drown in a pudfle if he’s a fisherman…?
Conspiracy!
One can drown in less than two inches of water.
Hydrophobia
no, Jesus simply applied a constant flow of chacra to his feet… doesn’t ANYONE read naruto?
EXACTLY!
that would be the original greek with several meaning for the same word one of which does mean by.
clearly says whatever you wish it to say.
also original greek? because greek is the traditional language of jewish citizens in the early first century? hebrew or aramaic for original, greek for oldest known copy
I still prefer the translation above. He walked above water. On unicorn farts and “vampire” tears. Vampire is in quotes because I really mean sparkly pedo tears.
or guys on segways with wrinkly asses
Who is “they” that found out?
presumably bible scholars and linguists of a non christian/ openminded christian persuasion
Even though Jesus’ father was an extraterrestrial, I still think Batman would win.
I don’t know what you’re all fighting about because Superman would whoop both of their asses anyway. Adding to the premise of their arguments, Superman has the ability to move at speeds fast enough to turn back time, thus dodging any bullets thrown at him, which he could block with his chest anyway (and yet he ducks when you throw the gun at him, go fig), he has strength that exceeds that of Batman and Jesus, he has the power of flight, which Batman can only achieve with mechanics, Superman has a power of invulnerability, which Jesus was only resurrected after dying and Batman could be killed, neither have the ability of protection from physical harm where Superman does, and Superman has eidetic memory, allowing for total recall of any situation. Also, Superman isn’t afraid to wear his underwear outside of his pants. Superman wins.
He might win, but Batman will always be cooler.
Maybe so, but at least Superman still stands proud in his attire.
Not many people can do that in blue lycra and red underpants.
Batman would make kryptonite bullets and end superman
Spider Man makes it look sexier!
But then Batman shows up with some krypton and whoops superman…
also, isn’t superman just very very resistant, not completely invulnerable?
Hello? Batman BEAT SUPERMAN IN A FIGHT in The Dark Knight Returns!!!
Batman has a Kryptonite ring that Superman gave him in case something goes wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time that Batman kicks Superman’s ass (a comic drawn by Alex Ross comes to mind).
Also, Superman is vulnerable to magic; Jesus has a lot of that, so Superman doesn’t stand a chance against either.
Superman is an illegal alien. While both Superman and Jesus have alien daddies, at least Jesus was born on American soil, and thus an American citizen.
Yes, Jesus was born in Boston. It’s a known fact.
Which is why the city is called Boston in the first place: a name degraded by time, from Bosstown.
Jesus invented the Boston Creme donut. It’s a fact.
I thought Superman was a metaphor for Christ?
no one’s strength exceeds that of Jesus and how is superman invulnerable, ask him and im sure his super memory will remember this syuff call kryptonite.
no offence, but Jesus could turn superman’s blood to KRYPTONITE
… PWNED
Lol try to talk with a buddhist about this ^^
“Batman would neither win, nor lose. He would simply, be.”
^THIS
LOL ironically for you, i am one
he fed 5000 ppl with 5 loafes of bread? srsly? at least batman is plausible most of the time.
It was supposed to be “5 loaves worth of bread crumbs”.
How would that be filling?
Well it doesn’t now does it? Feeding 5000 people a single breadcrumb each is still FEEDING
The most common theory is that all those people brought their own food to the meeting, and so the bread and fish Jesus’ followers passed around was returned to them untouched…
which is of course why there were twelve large baskets full of just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.
He made a big-ass batch of Stove Top.
^^^
The bread was there because a merchant was bringing it from a bakery to another city to sell. This would be stupid unless they were titanically huge loaves of bread, which they were. They were the size of wagon wheels and one of them could easily feed a large group. The huge loaves didn’t dry out as fast, which was an advantage in transit.
The fish were equally huge. I believe the species in the bible was “Nile perch” which today have sizes of up to 440 pounds each.
Jesus fake. Batman real. Case closed
Case opened. Jesus real. Batman fake. Case closed
Lol yes!
Both don’t exist, but in a fight between these two fictional characters, Batman would win no doubt.
The winner would simply be determined by whomever wrote the story.
A wild Jesus appears.
Batman I choose you!
Jesus uses Turn the other cheek.
It’s not very effective.
Batman uses Kapowww!
The wild Jesus fainted.
There, wrote it!
And thus you have the answer. 42.
Jesus uses turn the other cheek.
Batman uses I Only Hurt Bad Guys.
Both sit to ponder some sort of progressive action.
God calls Jesus back home.
Why did any of these people waste so much time having this argument????
Because, compared to Batman, Jesus sucks. And compared to Superman, they both suck.
i’m starting to think you’re rather biased. dare i ask where you think Spiderman would end up in a fight with Jesus, Batman, Superman, and let’s just throw River Tam in there for fun…
I hate you all.
We could also bring Shiva and Ganesh into this. Yes, Shiva and Ganesh against Jesus and the superheroes of the Marvel and DC universes, as well as Thor and any other mythical being you wish to bring in. Ganesh is the remover of obstacles, and Shiva is the destroyer. When the smoke clears, the Green Lantern and Zeus will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.
I believe Michael Bay will be producing that for next summer.
Big Bang Theory WIN!
I’ve lost count the number of quotes I’ve taken from that show … my favourite is still about being attached to an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.
i love you
Iron Man. Fist fights are just funny to him.
Thor carries a hammer. Jesus was nailed to a cross.
Questions?
^ nice
Oh, I like the way you think about this.
(Thor would win anyone anyway.)
for the following reason, I vote Jesus. http://overcompensating.com/posts/20071030.html
lol T-rex farted on Jesus.
why? maybe dinos didn’t fart, who really knows what their insides looked like. plus animals like Jesus.
hey all you trolls!!!
Why is the last section repeated?
^ Best question yet.
Batman may be able to beat Jesus, but we must always remember that Wesley Willis wupped Batman’s ass.
Buuuut Jesus is a cold-blooded killer, he pushed a kid from a rooftop when he was 9!!! Oh, i should mention that this didn’t make it to the bible, actually their are almost nothing about his youth in the bible… so i guess he killed lots of people
That story was that people THOUGHT he pushed the kid off the roof.
Then jesus said that he didn’t, and he resurrected the kid and asked him if he pushed him off the roof. The kid got up and said “No, Lord.”
Of course he’s going to say “No, Lord”! He just got resurrected… he doesn’t want to get pushed again!
This.
This.
Rofl
Meh
chuck norris ftw
Batman’s uses Crucifix. It’s super effective. Jesus Dies. Jesus used late revive. Batman used Crucifix. It’s super effective. Jesus Dies. Jesus uses late revive. The circle can go forever.
Jesus uses flee. It failed
repeat 40 times until it succeeds and Jesus runs to heaven.
winner : batman
My hero, Thor, has a hammer. Your hero was nailed to a wooden cross. Any questions?
Yes. When does Wesley Crusher win?
never
Well, actually…
What about other possible match ups between comics and mythology?
Did Heracles killed his family under the influence of Deathstroke’s mind control drugs?
Is Deadpool is the Discordian Messiah?
Could Gilgamesh and Enkidu defeat the Last Son of Krypton?
Which pantheons would be able to stand up to Darkseid?
Could Jesus redeem the irredeemable Plutonian?
I’m rooting for the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Nah, he would only get eaten! mmmm… spaghetti! Now I’m hungry… Can Jesus make me a quesadilla? He must be good at making those… his name is Jesus, afterall!
I’m going for the Invisible Purple Dragon in my garage.
RIDICULOUS
Dragon can be a) invisible, or b) purple
NOT BOTH
The purple dragon is the “boss monster” in the intellivision game “Advanced dungeons and dragons: cloudy mountain” game. At one point it is invisible because you can’t see it, only hear it. Once you see it, it is indeed purple. It also has wings.
Obviously. All he has to do is take his noodly appendage off of whoever challenges him and they’ll just float into space where they can no longer harm anyone of His earth.
@Who Cares: You might want to be more mindful. The Flying Spaghetti Monster and all of his loyal followers were directly threatened by a supposedly truer deity, the Invisible Pink Unicorn. Your Invisible Purple Dragon hits a bit close to home.
But I can forgive in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Ramen.
I was rooting for Santa Christ, but you may be right…
batman doesnt kill, he only beats within an inch of life. so jesus’s “Resurrection” power doesnt come into play. boom? i think so. your mind just got blown.
Easy enough Jesus doesn’t and Didn’t exist
End
There’s tons of evidence that Jesus existed. Whether he was divine is the topic of debate; not his existance.
You are correct.
What kind of “tons of evidence”? And your source for this “tons of evidence”, please?
Because as far as I know, there is NO evidence such a person ever existed at all.
Yay, is Harry Potter real?
you spelled gay wrong
Uhhh, Jesus wins, hands down. I’d like to see Batman TRY to raise someone from the dead, or feed 5000+ people with a couple of loaves of bread & some fish, or walk on water (without any of his gizmos), etc, etc, etc…
Jesus FTW
That’s the cool thing about fictional writing.. you can make the “hero” do just about anything.
Agreed^^
It still amazes me though as to how many people can knock another person’s beliefs. I’m a Christian and believe Jesus gave his life for me and my sins, so that I may be forgiven. However, my beliefs aren’t the same as other people’s; therefore I will not force my beliefs down someone’s throat. It’s your decision, and yours alone, but there is no reason to bash other people’s beliefs.
Ronald never forced any beliefs… he simply stated the obvious fact that batman would beat Jesus in a fight. He’s admitting that Jesus WAS the son of god and that he performed all those miracles, but those do not change the fact that batman would win.
Not referring to the actual post from fb, but rather all the comments here talking about how people are dumb for following/not following a religion.
In a fight, Batman would kick his ass.
He wouldn’t have to feed 5000 people, even though he has the money to feed thousands more.actually, he
Batman can fly, and he was walking BY the water, translation mistake.
A question to the theologists, what where Jesus’ last words
(Why have thou foresaken me father?), wtf with the holy trinity???
I always thought he said that because he realized that he was disconnected from god for the first time ever.
God to Jesus, right after his death:”Sorry, son, I lost signal for a minute there. Is everything all right?”
*alright
Jesus couldn’t win against a Ninja.
Therefore, he cannot win against Batman. He had ninjitsu training.
why not…he can do anything all ninjas can do is ninja
I don’t like Batman as a superhero, I don’t think he’s that impressive so I believe Jesus might actually have a chance. HOWEVER Jesus vs the Scarlet Witch? She’d totally win.
This post just proves how retarded some religious people can be.
It seems that the Jesus advocate got a bit off track by trying to prove moral superiority rather than superior combative skill. Kudos for the Batman advocate for staying on topic. While I am not a religious person myself, there are several arguments begging to be made in favor of Jesus’s victory in addition to the infinite resurrection angle (winning by tiring out one’s opponent while never even having to throw a punch).
There’s also an angle to be had by examining Jesus’s furious smashing of the marketplace. Go Jesus the Berzerker!
Also, he could raise zombie armies, of course!
yeah, but what would the zombie army eat? I don’t think brains are kosher.
Jesus was a pacifist, so he wouldn’t even try to hit Batman. But Batman would whoop Jesus’s ass. Although WHY would he do that since Jesus is a good guy? Unless Joker or some of the bad guys would trick Batman into thinking that Jesus is one of the bad guys… Then Batman would kick Jesus’s ass. I mean Jesus wouldn’t even use any superpowers in a fight. And even if he did, what would he do? Turn water into wine? It would be really difficult to make those two fight each other, but it’s always fun to think “what if”
Fun fact: adult male human body is 60% water.
Gordon Freeman, anyone?
You win +500 Internets!!!
WWGFD?
TL;DR
I have seen this frequently….what does it mean?
noob, http://www.urbandictionary.com
Atheists vs Christians in a battle of self-congratulatory preaching. How entertaining. Look a bird!
Where do you see an atheist here? Ronald may well be christian as well. He never said god or Jesus didn’t exist in the way Christianity says they do.
sorry, misreplied, did not mean the OP. wuz suppozed to be for one of the “I’m right and you’re wrong just because” threads above. meh.
luckily, things got a lot more entertaining since i posted it
i have a huge hankering for “Jesus vs Santa Claus” again.
Enrique is the atheist. He keeps saying Batman doesn’t exist!
Jesus is just as fictional as batman is.
Should I tell you a little secret…?
God doesn’t exists…
neither does your grammar.
Neither does your intelligence… How can an idea (like Grammar or Intelligence) exist?
Apparently your sense of humor doesn’t exist either.
Oh it does… but Chalita wasn’t funny. In the least.
Now here’s my little secret…
I.. Killed… Mufasa.
It really just depends on whether or not Jesus decides to pull down divine powers or not. If he goes with the wholly man aspect, Batman wins. If he goes with the wholly God aspect, Jesus wins.
THANK YOU
this is exactly what i said!
*holy God aspect
This whole post and resulting comment thread was TL;DR. Must be nice for Ronald, Julie, Enrique and Glenn to have THAT much disposable time on their hands.
only read the first part the others were tldr
everyone knows batman qould win cause jesus doesnt really exist
and batman does?
i don’t get how this is an argument
The resurrection argument is invalid.. since it’s not a fight about super powers and gizmos but a fist fight.. Batman would definatly kick jesus ass!
Batman would win in a straight-up fight, but if it came to supernatural powers, Jesus would beat the crap out of him.
Mostly because Batman doesn’t have supernatural powers–that’s an argument made for Jesus to win. If it came to being Bruce Wayne in a bat suit, Batman would beat the crap out of Jesus.
Not even I read this one…
I will just wait for the movie.
The Hobbit?
I wish that they could’ve just said: “Yes, Batman would win because Christ wouldn’t fight.” For pity’s sake, people! XP
Indeed.
But it was Jesus’ advocate who started the whole thing in the first place. To then claim that Jesus wouldn’t fight at all would basically be admitting defeat, no? Even then, it doesn’t matter. The question isn’t “Would they fight?”, it’s “If they ever did fight, who would win?”.
I AM ON THE INTERNET THEREFORE MY OPINION IS FACT AND YOU WILL ACCEPT IT AS SUCH. IF YOU DO NOT YOU ARE A RELIGOUS/ATHEIST IDIOT.
I LIKE STRING CHEESE AND THEREFORE IT WILL WIN.
STRING THEORY IMPLIES A GOD BECAUSE I SAID SO AND THEREFORE YOU HAVE PROVEN THE EXISTENCE OF CAPITAL LETTERS. LET US CELEBRATE WITH CHEESE.
SHOUTING SCARES ME MAKE IT STOP.
Psh, Batman couldn’t even save Rachel, or Harvey for that matter.
I loved the part that someone says Jesus was not fictional! Ah! And the part of Marvel / DC vs Christianity/Islam..Fyi…One of the Qu’rans “heros”/profets is Jesus.
Religion is like a drug. The more you take the more you think you’re fine and it is ok.
Are we talking pre-resurrection or post-resurrection Jesus? And which version of Batman?!? Details matter, people.
Batman would win. Jesus wouldn’t fight. When the romans came to take him away, he told his disciples to lay down their swords rather than fight.
Thinking about it, Jesus is often compared to Bacchus, the lord of the dance, who is often referred to as a comical fellow. One could say he’s quite a joker.
Jesus told his followers not to fight because he was already planning to use his self-resurrection power. But others have pointed out that Jesus wasn’t a complete pacifist, since he went berserk on the money changers.
It would be a draw.
Batman always wins in the end of the episode/comic/film. But.
Jesus would rise up again and again, and even if he turned all his blood to alcohol(that was a nice one). He would be a nice lad and would rise Batman from the dead as well.
So they would be fighting forever with no win through the eons.
Shhh not too loud! Someone might make a comic of this with endless issues!
Or, Jesus could give Bruce Wayne water, covertly turn it into wine, get him totally wankered and start slapping him around.
Foul play notwithstanding, though, Batman would win in a straight fist fight between himself and Jesus. Which doesn’t even matter anyway, because neither of them exist.
I’d say it’s pretty epic if someone dies and then comes back to life as an immortal.
So Ra’s al Ghul is epic?
Christianity is a lie, kthxbai.
I also love how they talk as if Jesus was real.
a preacher called jesus existed, that much we can be reasonably certain about.
for the rest. there is no god so the resurrection etc looks kinda doubtful.
Haha.
Scientists can’t even prove the existence of Jesus.
scientific proof is not the same as histocial proof. many historical figures we take for granted as existing would not stand up to the scientific method being applied.
Not even historical proof, my good sir/ma’am. No contemporary writings of him exist as far as we are aware. Even the New Testament was written several years after his death.
And WordPress can g2h for deleting my comments.
Science can’t prove the existence anything in the past. It’s possible, but not likely, that the entire universe as we know it was created just this instant. It’s also possible, but not likely, that the universe is constantly destroyed and recreated with each passing moment.
We assume that the past exists, but can never prove it.
Yes, but practically speaking, who cares? It’s not like that will help you determine what will happen if you ram you’re car into a tree, when the timer will go off, or whether that mushroom is poisonous.
If it did have an effect on any of these things, science would, in principle, be able to prove it. Maybe its the cause of gravity?
Same goes for Batman.
Whatever, Batman has a much cooler outfit.
Sandals, Jesus? Really?!
Ronald, i think i love you. I applaud your vehement defence of your hero, as well as your wonderful clarity and verbosity. Kudos for not attacking her faith and pointing out that the Bible could also be construed as a work of fiction (or at least doing no more than possibly alluding to the idea). And thank you for standing up for the citizens of Gotham and their hero- it seems that far too often their city is attacked with claims of non-realism. Thank you- you are hereby officially given the title “Dark Knight of Teh Intertubes.”
All of you are missing a crucial point.
Jesus and Batman are both allied with the side of good (although Jesus is more of a Lawful Good and Batman more of a Chaotic Good, but I digress), so the chances of them fighting to the death is slim.
What we SHOULD be discussing is how epic it would be if they teamed up to battle the forces of evil. Batman, kicking demonic backside, with Jesus helping from the sidelines using divine intervention.
Batman is as Lawful Good as you can get, everything he does is about justice.
Jesus would be more neutral good, since he is based more on morals more than anything.
You make a good point. +1 [whatever your heart desires] to you.
I’ve never actually seen much involving Batman, so I shouldn’t have been so quick to call him Chaotic Good. I suppose I was thinking of Spider-Man.
Still, they would make a great team.
uhhh, no. Batman is as chaotic as you can get. He breaks so many laws its not even close to funny. Vigilante!
A vigilante is a private individual who *illegally* punishes an alleged lawbreaker, or participates in a group which metes out extralegal punishment to an alleged lawbreaker.
Sounds like a law abiding citizen to me.
QUIT SPAMMING MY POST WHEN IM TRYING TO READ ABOUT FINGER STUFFING LICKING SNIFFING!
Batman – fueled by revenge and hate.
Jesus – fueled by forgiveness and love.
Batman – created because of the popularity of superman (a comic of an supernatural being coming to earth to save its people)
actually Batman is fuelled by the desire to see justice in the world and prevent other people suffering as he did.
Jesus, created because of the popularity of Hercules (Son of God, immortal)
no one worships batman. people do worship Jesus. the conversation on this status is really disrespectful because it’s comparing a religion – that millions of people take very seriously – to a cartoon that does not lie at the foundation of anyone’s paradigm or worldview. Once again the indefatigable double standard of self righteous generation prevails– you can discredit and scoff at THIS topic, but if anyone dares to voice a disagreement with a value that you have then they are bigots. and the fact that this status actually caused an argument about whether or not Jesus exists is laughably childish.
“no one worships batman.”
Hahah. Good one.
The Batman is srs bsns. If you don’t think so, tell him to his face.
i worship batman before i ever think about worshipping jesus and all that mumbo jumbo.theres actually a chance that batman is real,sooo i pick batman.
Batman = superhero from a series of books no one has ever seen up close, written and drawn by DC employees.
Jesus Christ = a person from a book that no one has ever seen up close, written by other people that has been translated several times, in and out of several different languages.
I loved how Enrique kept claiming Bruce Wayne was fictional but there isn’t a damn thing that proves Jesus Christ isn’t fictional, either – or, at least, nothing proving him as this Messiah-Son-of-God figure, anyway.
This was pretty awesome, loved it.
I was thinking the exact same thing while reading this!
Jesus has the power of ressurection- he will always Win because he can never die!
What if he get’s cut in half? How do you fix that?
Then Batman has to fight two Jesi.
Kevinator, you win today’s Holy Half-Brothers, Batman! award. Tears of joy are nothing to be ashamed of.
Well considering “Jesus” decomposed like thousands of years ago, pretty sure he ain’t coming back.
Hey, Ronald,
After some deliberation with a friend of mine who sent me to this conversation, we’ve decided that we’d like to have you over for some drinks, conversation and possibly some Street Fighter.
I have a hot rod and Jesus built it….
I want to punch Julie in the face repeatedly.
I’m a much bigger fan of Batman, but I think it’s only fair to point out that Jesus killed a fig tree just by cussing at it. There’s no example that he could do the same to people – but if he could – Batman is in big trouble.
Jesus is actually Bane, so Jesus wins, as he just cripples bruce wayne, never having him able to fight again
and no he didnt heal from that, instead just had other story lines lol, hence thats the way that the third film of the newest batman trilogy will end
…OK, I’m a Christian, but I don’t see why the OP needed to argue the point. Batman versus Jesus is a wonderful mental image.
I don’t think Bats could even physically harm him, though, since Jesus has already died, risen, and been Glorified. My take on it is that Jesus would win nonviolently. If Batman was sinning, well, Jesus would surely show him the error of his ways. Sit down and tell a parable, with that awesome spiritual influence only Jesus has.
Cut to Batman looking utterly deadpan. XD Maybe Bats does win.
Oh..Jesus had powers??? prove it. Just because it’s what you believe to be true, doesn’t actually make it fact. There is nothing wrong with believing in something, but stop trying to act like there is proof beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus was magical. Jesus of Nazarith existed, there was proof of that….but rising from the dead (which makes jesus a zombie, btw) and being all powerful??? Where is the proof? The bible? The bible has had more bad rewrites than a kevin costner film, plus there are so many different versions of the bible, and anyone who managed to get high enough in the religious ranks could have added or changed the bible over the years….so where is the rock solid proof that any of this is FACT?? There is no proof. It’s called “the greatest STORY ever told” for a reason. It’s a story. You expect everyone to respect your beliefs about jesus as if it were factual, yet you dont give the same respect to those who believe differently, and you wonder why people mess with you, like the batman vs jesus guy did? These religious types who dismiss anyone who might not blindly believe like they do, are so smug. Its disgusting. How did the world first hear about “God?” A man claimed to have heard the voice of god and decided to do what god told him…… yeah….. see nowadays, hearing voices… would be schitzophrenia. So for all we know, this entire world, our laws, or beliefs, or religions, could possibly all be a result of one man, all those years ago, who had schitzophrenia and heard voices. It’s possible isnt it? It all comes down to ‘faith.’ What YOU choose to believe, but its just a belief, stop acting like it is a “FACT” get over yourselves Jesus freaks! Maybe you will find more people will respect you if you respect them as well.
Hahahahaha I love you.
Hahahahaha I’m not reading all that.
well said
well said
would you die for the ravings of a man you knew to be a liar or a madman? how do you explain the disciples’ willingness to endure voilent persecution and deaths if they knew Jesus was mad or a liar?
and what happened to Jesus’ body anyway?? Where did his disciples get the courage to go out and spread a lie? and why the raical change in attittude towards marginalised groups? nobody took care of the sick and infirm the way Christians did at the time.
I do not think you realise it, but many of the freedoms and benefits you enjoy even today only exist because of the Christian influence on Western Society. I sincerely doubt they would’ve come into existence if any other society or religion had taken precendence.
Maybe the disciples were as delusional as the madman. Otherwise how do explain Islam and Mormonism?
“I do not think you realise it, but many of the freedoms and benefits you enjoy even today only exist because of the Christian influence on Western Society. I sincerely doubt they would’ve come into existence if any other society or religion had taken precendence.”
1) Greeks also had a democracy, and they existed before Christianity.
2) America didn’t start from Christianity. In fact, the Puritans were running away from it. Before you start talking about Protestantism being a subset of Christianity, let me remind you that it came about because of disagreements with the original Christianity (Catholicism). America is NOT a Christian nation, people!
do *you explain
Jesus never had a body to begin with, as he never existed. Argument invalid.
Actually GetReal – I agree with all your post except one part; there isn’t even any proof at all that the so-called Jesus of Nazereth existed at all.
Batman would totally kill Jesus’s ass, but then his dad would be all BLLOORRRrrdggg and bring he back to life again.
not saying I’m picking sides or anything, but just thought I’d add so facts for jesus’s side (how oh yes he could win in a fist fight)
http://www.cracked.com/article_18948_5-real-deleted-bible-scenes-in-which-jesus-kicks-some-ass.html
lets see
its kinda weird how julie didnt bring ONE argument up that would let this battle end in a win for jesus…ronald had some good arguments and enrique is an annoying moron
julies status clearly says her hero could beat anyone elses hero, in this case batman.
ronald brings up batman because its his hero and he thinks batman could win in a fist fight over jesus. julie comes up with some nonsense, boom. then it gets a little bit more in the direction of two people arguing, but julie clearly isnt after just explaining why, in her opinion, jesus would win, she just lists stuff that doesnt matter.
example: she says that batman cant rise from the dead and carry everybodys sins so “they” could recieve salvation.
would that matter in a fight between batman and jesus? no, not at all. the rising from dead part is another thing that doesnt matter, since jesus needs 3 days! to revive, 3 full days for batman to recover from a fight, sounds about enough time for me to heal up
julie goes on with these comments that are long, but dont say anything. ronald brings up other good arguments and never disrespects her believes, hes just after the part that matters, who would win in a fist fight.
another annoying part is when julie says jesus would never go in a fist fight against batman, how else could be beat every other hero? who saves the most lives? who turns more water into wine and makes people become alcoholics?
this one is a fail, since julie lacks the ability to argue, brabbling stuff that doesnt matter isnt arguing, another fail is enrique for obvious reasons.
so much for my comment, btw is anyone else annoyed by julies self-righteous smileys in/at the end of each comment?
I agree the whole time I was thinking these people need to get their heads out of their asses and realize a joke when they see it
Never seen anything this funny on this site.
Try turning your computer monitor on.
I’m on an iPhone and what’s a monitor?
A guy run’s up to a nun hitting her and kicking her ass. After beating her to mush, he stands up and screams: ” you’re not so though BATMAN!!”
The one I know is a bit different:
A guy run’s up to a nun hitting her and kicking her ass. After beating her to mush he stands up and screams: all of Batman’s enemies are my enemies, Penguin!
This world need more Ronalds.
You’re absolutely right.
I really like this guy.
Chuck Norris could beat everyone into submission. . . . . . with only his beard of coolness
Chuck Norris is a fictional character.
YOU’RE ATHEIST!
I just ran a battle with Batman vs Jesus Christ on my M.U.G.E.N. and Batman was the winner.
I love how collected Ronald is about Batman.
Something about Christians preaching the way Julie is makes my stomach churn. “His righteousness fills my spot. He is my LIFE. :]” Blurrrggh.
Mohammed would declare jihad on batman and kill them all because he said so.
you claim batman is fictional. but can you prove the bible is historical fact? not even a chance that it might exxagerate Just a Bit?
Besides, Jesus ressurects himself. i see that as godmodding, and refuse to continue fighting. Batman wins
“refuse to continue fighting”
Jesus wins by forfeit?
It takes three days to resurrect… So, Batman Wins, when he resurrects, he can ask for a rematch, but that’s a different fight altogether.
how, exactly, does one resurrect oneself? Wouldn’t dad have done that? Jesus was a 13th level NG cleric of God.
Batman would be a 10th level CG rogue/ 15th level fighter.
I have never heard of Batman walking on water, healing the blind, paralyzed, and sick, raising the dead, turning water to wine, or resurrecting after three days. Jesus also has healed me of sicknesses and answered my prayers.
Jesus = +9000
Batman = 0
No no no, son what healed you is not religious powers. You see son youir body has these things called antibody, they identify and attack foreign cells inside the human body. Unless of course you used medication which is made to cure sickness or went to a doctor that gets paid to cure illnesses and save the sick.
Oh, also did Jesus fight villians on a daily basis while trying to maintain his rich counter-part and not draw attention? No? Ok.
If you had believed in Batman, he would’ve healed you…
I totally read “and answered my calls.” Which would have been much more amusing. I wonder what phone network he would use.
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=Jesus&word2=Batman
Problem Solved.
ye gods! i was not expecting that result
Sorry I’m late to the party! And I wish I’d heard about Googlefight before. Thanks for the link!
On a related note, it looks like yes, Joan of Arc COULD beat Eddie Van Halen’s face in. But Chewbacca would lose to Jimmy Carter; don’t ask me how.
I hope people don’t really think Jesus fed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread, etc. etc. >.> Jesus is just as fake as batman XD
Hei, A.K.A Chinese Electric Batman could beat both of them at once
You know, I am a believer in Christ and all that fun stuff, but, actually, Batman would win. Jesus might have all those powers and stuff, but he doesn’t use it for himself. He only ever performs miracles to fulfill his Father’s will.
So yeah. Batman would win.
If “Jesus” died for our sins, thus “saving” all of humanity, then why do I hear so many christians going off about “you’re going to hell! sinner” blah blah blah. >.> Doesn’t that mean that Jesus didn’t actually save anyone, and just died for being a babbling schizoid? Because if he had saved everyone, then there wouldn’t be a hell and we would all go to heaven. So, since he DIDN’T save anyone (if we’re going by who saved the most people), doesn’t that mean that BATMAN is the actual winner?
But I forget that hell and heaven are just places that the church made up to entice more people to join their religion and scare their followers into doing what they want AKA donating money to the church to be “saved” from your sins.
The main reason i would think Batman would win in a fight would be that i really don’t think Jesus is the type that would fight back anyway.
Wow. What an idiot.
Jesus’ name wasn’t Jesus.
He wasn’t Christian.
He didn’t found a new religion.
He was, as the Bible says, “the King of the Magis.”
So he was a Magis, or magician.
Some of the “miracles” were already recorded in books of magical spells.
He was a liberal, preaching against conservatism constantly.
He was one of 17 known “sacrificed savior gods” of Eastern religions.
So why wasn’t God powerful enough to “save” mankind without going through the “sacrificed savior” routine?
Roman Emperors routinely rose from the dead.
And then we have the Sacred Duck, Ouque-Ouque, of a South Pacific tribe, known in English as the “Wak-Waks.” You know how the French mis-spell everything.
We can’t leave without a quote from Jesus, “Republicans and sinners, Repent!”
what’s the difference between jesus and batman??
One isn’t real, the other one is batman.
ZING!
I think I love you!
Let’s just leave it at Bruce Wayne wins. case closed. Respond to this and a winner is not you.
I’m sorry, but ronald loses as soon as he discounts God. I understand that most people on this website do not believe in God and Jesus, and in your mind it is a fight between two imaginary characters, but you cannot ignore the qualities of one character just to make the one you favor win. Jesus claimed to be God. Whether He is or not is a matter of faith, but His claim is historical fact. God created the entire universe and could smite batman with a thought. Whether He would or not is a seperate discussion. This one is about whether He could and yes, he CAN take out Batman.
If you do not believe in God or Jesus or either, that is your perogative, but even if, in your mind it is a fight between two imaginary characters you must acknowledge all their qualities. Show me a quality of Batman than can take out God?
THIS SOOO MUCH!
If normal civillians were able to crucify and kill Jesus, then of course Batman could simply beat him in a fight.
Jesus claiming to be God is as much a historical fact as what goes on in Batman comics. Both are printed and neither has any proof of its validity.
If God existed he wouldn’t have made stupid people who blindly follow an imaginary friend in the sky because an old book, maipulated over the centuries by whichever ruler was in charge at the time of translation, tells them there was once a little Jew who could turn water into wine.
TL;DR. And lame at that.
My god would win, ’cause my god’s Batman!
I’m not sure I’ve ever used this before, but it’s highly appropriate here: tl; dfr.
Han Solo would beat either of them. Han Shot First!
Can Jesus make a rock so heavy that he can’t lift it?
Can Jesus make a rock so heavy batman couldn’t lift it?
I love how Julie gets so offended at the idea of a “fictional character” beating Jesus in a fight, yet she has no problem with the insuation by the OP (assuming that this is in response to the death of Bin Laden) that Jesus has beaten the Muslim “hero”, Allah. To many, Allah = Yaweh/God. Even if you discount idea that the gods in both religions are the same, the idea that one religion’s deity had beaten another is just as (or more) offensive than what Ronald has suggested.
I’ve never seen so much idolatry (and I don’t mean the Batman supporters)
Jesus said to LOVE EVERYBODY, he would NOT beat anybody in the first instance.. Batman wins by default..
I’m appalled at the amount of christians that think would Jesus would get into a fight… just which Jesus are YOU following anyway?
Ronald has a perfectly valid point.
Glenn, Julie and Enrique are very insensitive toward his belief system and should shut up.
This is ridiculous! Fighting is a sin, Jesus doesn’t sin, Batman wins by default. People are idiots.
which one of the ten is that?
Thou shalt not open thine crate of whup ass?
Definite fail on Batman guy’s part
You should follow you’re avatar.
*your
To bad Jesus is a fictional Character as well.
OK all of these arguments are invalid. Jesus wins even if you don’t believe that he is real. here is why: canon
in the book (the new testement) Jesus is God
in the comics Batman is a human being.
God could beat human being.
real person or no.
canon says Jesus would win.
/nerd
Jesus is also human.
God can beat himself.
Batman automatically wins.
[/comeback]
People arguing about two mythical heroes, neither of which did anything in reality. Batman is a good comic and movie character. Jesus Christ was some weirdo idiot who roamed around preaching that he was the son of a God that science proves doesn’t exist. Surely people have more important things to worry about in their lives than this drivel?
This is actually pretty offensive…
Haven’t you all seen the movie: “The Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This”?
Anyway, Jesus would just respawn after the fight.
Killing a fig tree just by telling it to die has to count for something. Besides, the part where Jesus goes berserk in the Temple and starts overturning tables: those tables were part of the temple, so they were probably made of marble. Plus, Jesus (after the resurrection) could walk through walls. Intangibility ftw.
The whole thing about real vs fictional shouldn’t be taken into account, because we’ve obviously set up a fictional scenario in which Jesus meets Batman. Also, philosophy and morals shouldn’t be considered because assuming both are fighting, they’ve already disregarded their morals for whatever reason.
Lastly, the word “beat,” though usually used in the physical “beat up” definition, can also mean “to surpass, win against” in a not-necessarily physical way.
Their biggest mistake was insisting that Batman is fictional — which, of course, we all know is not the case.
Which version of Jesus are we talking about here? Pre-Resurrection Jesus? Post-Resurrection Jesus? The guy who works in a construction company? Second-coming Jesus? In three of the four cases I’d say Batman would be the winner, seeing as three of the four have no martial training. Second-coming Jesus against batman would be a complete and utter curbstomp of batman though.
I think it’s Earth-3 Jesus versus Earth-T Batman.
I could, of course, be wrong.
Would just like to point out that PRIDE is a sin; so when you have people who are super-obsessed with Jesus like that Julie chick in this thing, they’re gonna be the first to burn, because of the very rules their faith requires them to follow……..irony is just awesome.
U just felt pride in what u think is disproving an entire religion…
Problem?
are we all forgetting Batman’s one rule? While the battle would be epic, Batman would certainly never KILL anyone, Jesus included. And I’m sure some passage could be found suggesting Jesus wouldn’t kill the Bat Man.
Will my posts stop disappearing now?
Yay!
As I was saying, did anyone notice that (as of now, anyway) the percentage of people who voted for Jesus in the pole is roughly equal to that of people who disliked the post? It’s not like the submitter expressed or implied his/her side of the argument.
Pretty obvious Jesus would win actually. He just need to say the word and Batman disintegrates on the spot `3`
Also, lol @ a religious debate cheezburger.
The Julie chick reminds me of Mariane from Easy A
Ronald – U are my hero . U ruled them and gave me a good laught
Hm. I’ve never seen any scientific evidence to prove that Jesus Christ lived, so I don’t know why anyone would claim to Ronald that there was more scientific evidence that Jesus Christ lived than there was for Bruce Wayne. The one has a point that Wayne is fictional. However….so is Jesus Christ. There’s tons of scientific evidence to prove that, if he lived, what he did on the cross wasn’t really a miracle. But, nothing that I know of that proves he actually lived. Then again, maybe somewhere, at some point, I missed a memo.
Read history…not the Bible, but secular history. Jesus is recorded in secular historical texts. Whether or not He was the Son of God is a matter of faith, but whether or not He walked the Earth is historical fact.
fish
well I guess he’ll go to hell for that
Whose Hero did Jesus beat out of interest?
Well Julie, Jesus is fictional too – and in a make believe fight Batman would totally whoop his ass.
“Your good works can’t save you, being good can never save us.”
I hate dumbass statements like this. Why does Julie feel the need to stuff this sense of impending doom down our throats? And what do we need to be saved from?
I’m going with Ronald. Not because I believe that Jesus was fictional or real, but because his arguments are original, whereas Julie’s are just derivative.
Batman wins cause Batman is fiction. Fiction easily finds its way into hearts of man and inspires them to drem while J.C. and company are lossing folowers every day and every now and then some new archeological evidence pops up that desputes the church dogma and the Bible it self.
Religions have come and pass but miths and heroes are older then them. (sorry for my grammar)
I just enjoy watching the self-righteous *ssholes get their panties so bunched up… “OMG THATS SO OFFENSIVE”… I’ll tell you what’s offensive… shoving your religion down people’s throats to the point where gays can’t get married…. even though it DOES NOT INVOLVE YOU… Go support your damn wallstreet gas price speculating money loving pig f*ckers you hypocritical sh*ts.
Are u taking offense that other people are taking offense…?
Problem?
jesus would win if he brought his armored raptor
otherwise batman would win.
Batman would win. Jesus doesn’t seem like the knock-down-drag-out sort.
There wouldn’t be a fight. Batman doesn’t pick fights with just anyone, and the most violence Jesus has participated in was flipping over a table when people tried to turn a temple into a market.
If by some entirely illogical reason they did fight, I think Jesus would win assuming he called on God’s less friendly powers. Y’know, like creating a meteor storm or calling down a tornado of fire. Otherwise he would keep resurrecting until Batman gave up or just take the hit like a man and remind him he’s a pacifist.
Done.
Yeah… but NO.
Since Jesus’ dad did nothing to stop the beatings on hist last day on earth, why would he do something to stop this one.
Maybe it’s gods will to have Jesus beat up again, why wouldn’t Batman do gods will?
I think Glen is referring to accomplishments and morals rather than combat ability. But I’m weird so maybe it’s just me.
Jesus killed the Dinosaurs single Handed just with a knife
that was chuck norris lol jesus’ brother
There’d be no fight. Jesus would turn some water into wine, and they’d get to talking about that time Jesus actually /did/ dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight…
Both bruce wayne and jesus have equal merit in reality, as the only “evidence” of their existence is that someone wrote a book (or graphic novel) of them!
except for the records the romans kept of crucifying a man named jesus of nazereth lol so jesus actualy holds more weight then again im sure batman’s abilities are based on someone bob kane knew and the reincarnations of him are based on others, in the 70s bruce wayne was much like bruce…lee
lol
The fail hear is that their argument can’t bee resolved because Glenn never defined “beat”.
-2 to everyone who assumed “beat” meant a physical altercation. “Beat” implies that a contest shall occur; it does not designate a fight.
*In a Fight, Batman Wins
*In catching Criminals, Batman Wins
*In sacrificing himself for others, a tie, Jesus Dies, and Bruce Wayne has no life
*In Resurrection, it’s a tie
*In Healing Powers, a tie as well, Batmans lab is pretty high tech
*In resurrecting others, Batman could clone someone, so… Jesus wins
*In Flying, well Jesus floats, so… this one is for Batman
Batman 5 – Jesus 3
Normally I’d say batman.
Except that Jesus is a level 20 Cleric with the ability to cast “True Resurrection” on himself.
kinda hard to cast anything when you are DEAD!
Jesus could just call his dad and ask him to reverse time and un-create batman. Fight over.
I voted Jesus and here’s why.
First, some assumptions.
If you’re an atheist, doubter, of another faith or any other sort of disbeliever, you cannot deny Jesus’ son-of-god power on the basis of it being fictional as Batman is also a fictional character. Thus we must, even assuming Jesus-as-Christ to be a fictional character, approach this in their respective in-universe capacities. Also, we are assuming an all-out fight here, in which both combatants can (and will) utilize their full capabilities; no questioning the logic of the fight as to why two “good guys” are fighting eachother.
Second, capabilities of the fighters.
Thus Jesus is the son of YHWH GOD, all-powerful, all-knowing and all seeing. He is the nomadic son of an iron-age day worker, used to traveling the bandit-infested roads of a rebellious Roman annex with little more than the clothes on his back, subsisting on a caveman diet of fish and whatever he can pick up from the ground. He can walk on water, has COME BACK TO FRIKKIN LIFE after being dead for three days, and can transform or even create matter at will, with only (we presume) a thought; in fact, he can literally do ANYTHING simply willing it to happen. Instantly. And indeed, whether or not even his direct application of “will” is required is debatable; he did the whole resurrection thing while DEAD (no thought involved with a dead brain, or so we assume). He is motivated by his divine imperative to solve the problem of evil by accepting Divine responsibility for all mankind’s ills.
“Batman” is the nom de guerre of Bruce Wayne, a billionaire who uses his vast economic, political and technological resources in his moonlight occupation as a costumed vigilante. He is trained in multiple martial arts, is the pinnacle fitness exemplar, speaks dozens of languages, resourceful, inventive and well-connected. While he is, indeed, only a mortal human, he is also well accustomed to going toe-to-toe with individuals who are easily his physical better on paper, standing up to even Superman a character who, almost as much as Jesus & God, seems to have power and superpowers on-demand as plot requires. While he has not (except in cases which have since been retconned out) to this date ever survived being killed, but he HAS come back swinging from having his back broken by Bane, so the man has a tenacity bonus surpassing Bruce Lee. He is known for his athleticism, imposing presence and innovative array of gadgets of which he always seems to have the right one. He is Schwarzeneggar, Bruce Lee, James Bond and Chuck Norris all rolled into one neat, emo-dressed package. He is motivated by the death of his parents at the hands of a criminal, causing him to seek out and destroy those causing and responsible for the cause of all sorts of evil acts.
Which brings us to motivation, the reason these two supposed “good guys” are fighting. I left motivations for their Hero-ness to the end of each for a reason: Batman wants to destroy those responsible for evil. Jesus Christ has accepted personal/Divine responsibility for all evil. Thus he, as son-of-god is the ultimate evildoer and Batman is taking him down.
FIGHT!
OK, let’s assume for some reason Jesus becomes cryptically myopic and doesn’t simply undo Batman from existence, allowing Batman a first stroke. Jesus, again not breaking out with the whole “god powers” thing goes toe-to-toe with the Dark Night.
Snap. Broken neck. The end.
But wait…
Jesus is back up, fists in the air! Batman goes for the throat and…. Dear god it’s a massacre! Jesus is dead for sure this ti….wha…? JESUS IS STILL IN THE GAME FOLKS! He’s up he’s… dead. Again!? Is that his heat in Batman’s fist? It sure is, he’s certainly de—JESUS IS BACK IN THE FIGHT HE…died again.
Repeat ad infinitum.
For you see, Jesus has no motivation to win this. Batman is a good guy, or at least anti-badguy! He is not in any way related to Jesus’ mission in this. But, Jesus having accepted responsibility for all mankind’s evils, IS part of Batman’s mission, the penultimate evildoer, the target of targets!
So why fight at all? Well, Jesus accepted responsibility for all mankind’s ills… including Batman’s pathological need for violent vengeance! So…
SPOILER ALERT
Batman died when Bane broke his back. This is his heaven, forever killing the one person responsible for ALL evil.
jesus knows an ancient form of krav maga, it is even more (if possible) brutal than current forms of krav maga, its a hebrew martial art discovered in the time of david a bible time warrior, but while im a huge fan of batman and jesus they exist in this reality in some form, even if just the culmination of the worlds greatest masters and intelligent peace driven men respectively, jesus has been know for violence recorded only once when he found the banks invading the church,
i’d imagine jesus would fight with the equal honor of batman, jesus would heal him of any and all wounds thus restoring batman to his physical and mental prime, jesus would be himself *pre-resurrection* in his physical form for fairness, i agree jesus would allow batman the first strike and in a tai-chi judo style move turn the other cheek and batman find himself on the floor (i’d imagine they’d fight in a dojo so environment wouldnt be a factor) jesus would fight passively for awhile while batman would be aggressive in his own mind he is the ultimate warrior and if you look back he does get aggressive about his status being challenged (pre-52 status) after awhile though batman will wise up and become passive when jesus tries more judo moves batman will shift his weight and make it impossible to be flipped or thrown, or he’ll counter with wrestling moves
jesus will become the aggressor with long ranged attacks (kicks and quick punches) now if there are no rules jesus will apply krav maga’s go to move, the knee to the crotch, jesus gets batman in a head lock and bam bam bam, believe me even with a cup it will still hurt like hell, i’d imagine batman would shift to muy thai or muy boran using elbows and bone crushing kicks after 3 broken ribs jesus applies jiujitsu moves and to counter batman utilizes caporeria but ultimately jesus will win without powers because batman/bruce has yet to find a counter to a rear naked choke, and batman must give in,
this of course is if they’re not fighting to the death, if that were the case it would boil down to the last moves either would use that can kill, batman using a sleeper hold which a man use to pain can escape and jesus will use the crucifix hold *ironically* breaking and dislocating both his arms then simply snap batman’s neck
Can honestly say that this comment is by far the most relevant to the original topic, and not motivated by personal bias like the other 98%
while i agree with most of the arguments here, i would like to point out jesus needs a 3 day rez period.
ie. hes dead, batman wins, if he wants a new fight after his rez then thats a new fight
jesus wins, he has healing powers and knows the ancient art of krav maga, jesus can also transmute any objects he wishes and drag batman out to the nearest lake and drowned him until he taps out or dies,
if he dies he just brings batman back and says you owe me! lol
This is stupid. Why are we trying to figure out if Batman can beat a fictional character?
LOVE this comment!
This is stupid. Why are we trying to figure out if Jesus can beat a fictional character?
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=batman&word2=jesus
go and find out!
Son Goku win to all
Jesus said to turn the other cheek rather than to react to a slap. It would be hard to win against a vigilante that hits first and thinks about it later.
Jesus might not be able to beat Batman, but Jesus’s Dad could beat Batman’s.
Batman would totally win because Jesus wouldn’t swing! He is a nonviolent revolutionary, and Bruce Wayne is a Pax Romana kind of guy. That is ignoring how they got into it in the first place
So when is someone going to point out to Julie that according to Jesus, her life as she puts it, who preaches to follow the bible, she’s going to hell? Bible says women have no place preaching, yaknow.
I found the ‘batman is fictional’ part hilarious. Silly religious people always crack me up.
I demand a recount.
They both had very good arguments, and Julie could have given up fighting with Ronald long before that thread ended, but she stuck to her guns. I think ultimately most comic book heroes are (looking at it from a literary point of view) Jesus-figures. They sacrifice everything to help others. Fun thread. Thanks for sharing!
Jesus is fiction too.
But isn’t fiction just another form of reality?
Alas: Batman wins!
Ronald shows an admirable amount of restraint and knowledge, if this were a competitive debate, I believe he would have won on points. Batman!
583 people don’t believe Jesus has a sense of humor. Get a life.
^THIS
Expected a religious debate… Walked in to a historical debate.
Not here to argue, just to state facts and then my opinion of the fight.
Fact: Batman is not real.
My opinion: While I do not think they would ever fight each other I know Jesus would win because He is God’s son.
Fact: Jesus is not real.
Actually, there’s conclusive proof that there was a guy called Jesus who claimed to be the son of God & died on a cross. The only unproven bit is the miracles, & other physics-defying stuff.
That’s not actually true.
We all have had our imaginary friends, I’ve just grown out of mine.
They are both fictional both part of very long and awesome fictional stories. The only difference is that jesus actually existed at one point. He never did any of the crap they put in the book but the person was real. Nothing in the bible is real its just an over rated fairy tale. I believe in a creator dont get me wrong and I have faith in our creator but the bible is crap just a book written by a man if it wasn’t there wouldn’t be so many different religions. Also just saying but batman vs jesus fictional character vs fictional character sorry to say it but neither would win batman would never give up and jesus wouldn’t fight back and neither batman nor jesus would kill someone so it would be an ongoing pointless battle.
I don’t understand where all of the big discussions are coming from. This is suppose to be a fist fight (not fight to the death) between two characters (fictional or not). Jesus could fight if batman challenged him to a friendly duel (which shouldn’t be out of his belief). With the fact that Jesus has god-like powers throws into the mix that the original fist fight could turn into a free for all without fear of either contestants dying (forever at least). Whether Jesus or Batman are fictional or not doesn’t apply since this is a (fictional) situation, so any and all abilities or equipment can be applied to it (to meet the demands of the audience). In the end nothing is lost….and both win, Jesus for being all powerful and Batman for being a ninja.
610 comments? HOLY RELIGIOUS DEBATE BATMAN!
2 hours on this and i’m still not finished reading it…
btw: when does pedobear come into this???
Batman is a pedophile. Just read All-Star Batman!
As a pagan I want to see a fight between Batman and Thor. Or Ares.
Ronald is my soulmate.
I give respect to Ronald in this post. He didn’t all out say, “well Jesus is fictional too,” because it would have disrespected the crazy Christians entirely. Despite the fact that I’m an atheist, Ronald has the better side of the debate.
(If I was Ronald, though, I would have all out disproved all religion; but that’s just me. That’s why I’m respecting him so much.)
I am curious to hear your take on the whole religion thing… Not much of believer myself, but raised in a family of devoted Christians, havent had the heart to break the news to them yet.
I like pie. :]
Lol. I’m a Christian and know that Jesus would turn the other cheek so Batman would totally win.
The real outcome would be that Batman would beat Jesus, but Jesus would win and Batman would feel really bad about it because he punched Jesus and Jesus just turned the other cheek.
SO MUCH WIN.
It depends–is God getting involved?
1. It’s a moot point. Since Batman and Jesus both are “good guys”, there would never be a fight.
2. Those arguing against the existence of Jesus need to recheck facts. There is proof, even outside the Bible, of his existence. However, there would probably be no record of his birth because he and his parents fled to Egypt to avoid him being killed by the king (who had ordered a massacre of all boys under the age of 3, or something like that). There is, however, a record of his death. And, yes, it is outside the Bible.
3. Those questioning why he died need to check the Old Testament, where there were numerous prophecies that laid out his entire life and death… even down to what he would say while hanging on the cross, and the fact that his legs would not be broken (which they weren’t, because it was unneccessary; he had already died before they had the chance). Nobody before, or since, has had that luxury. That, on its own, upheld something that had been predicted over 400 years beforehand. Tell me… even if you didn’t believe the prophecies in that day, and thought it was a bunch of crap, wouldn’t you still stop and think at that? That’s just one example. I digress… anyways, the prophesy said that he would die to save the sins of the world.
4. You’re only saved if you believe. No, not everybody is saved, because not everybody believes. I, am a Christian, understand that, and do my best not to shove my religion down the throats of others (although I will correct them if they’re wrong about something). If I were God/Jesus, I would want the sacrifice of my life or my son’s life to be recognized, too. It’s really not that ridiculous a request… it’s not like you have to be perfect or all-knowing.
5. The New Testament was only written about 30 years after his death. Which gives it more credibility… I’m sure there were still plenty of people around that would’ve stopped and said, “Hey now! That’s not right!” It’s not like there was a lack of witnesses.
6. There are stupid people. Every group has them… Christian, atheist, Muslim, or otherwise. To make a generalization, and say that all Christians are stupid, is rude as well as false. Obviously, I must be somewhat educated, since my post isn’t something along the lines of “tl;dr” or “your stupid”. Also, people more intelligent than myself have questioned Christianity, and researched to back up their claim that Jesus did not exist, nor was he holy. Their results proved to them they were wrong. One such person was C.S. Lewis; another physicist recently wrote a book about it (I don’t remember his name right now, and don’t feel like Googling it). There have been other, less-noteworthy, people to do the same thing.
7. Not all Christians are judgmental. I, for one, am sickened by the ones who are. I’d probably hate them, too, if I had grown up around people like that. Don’t be sickened by someone like me, though, because of someone else… I didn’t insult you. If anything, I’m insulted because you’re bashing on what I believe, or judging me. If you don’t believe what I believe, or know someone who doesn’t live the “Christian lifestyle”, fine. But don’t be rude or hypocritical about it.
8. Have something valid/thought-provoking to say in response to anything I pointed out (in other words, not “stfu” or “tl;dr”)? Please, fire away. You might make me aware of something I didn’t know before, and cause me to look further in my beliefs. Thus far, it has happened… but I was able to find something legitimate to answer or respond to them. Maybe I missed something, as well. I’d be perfectly happy to respond with what I know.
Pretty sure peoples main point was that Jesus, was or was not God, the Holy Spirit. Yes, he existed, was he the son of “GOD”? No proof. Batman exists, he is a fictional character, therefor allowing him to exist. Just like God. All the proof allows us to understand is that Jesus was a MAN that existed. Nothing more, nothing less. I say make a debate a debate based on FACTS and not biased beliefs. Maybe then people wouldn’t be ridiculed.
TL;DR
Seriously, though – couldn’t he have just blocked her if he didn’t like reading all of her Jesus talk? Why start up something when it’s not – oh – I just realized: he’s a troll.
Do we have enough comments in here? Why is there so much open hatred toward Christians? Do you speak this way to people of all religions, or only people who believe in Christ? Seriously, this argument and level of disrespect never comes out with any other religion.
No, you NEVER hear anyone talking about Muslims in a bad light, only Christians.
And the reason that Ronald kept going instead of blocking Julie is that he was clearly enjoying every minute of the exchange. Troll? Perhaps. But Julie and Enrique were more than happy to keep the debate going as well.
Personally, I have no hatred against Christians, except those who are hypocritical or judgmental of others. Granted, that’s quite a lot of them, but not the majority.
muslims are awesome they like to go out in a “bang” or so to speak
(here comes the hatemail…)
I’m actually sending love your way…
RAEG! Nah just kidding that is a good one!
I speak this way to people who are ignorant. No hatred towards christians but as a FELLOW christian pointed out…not thinking objectively. OMG JESUS IS AWESOME HE WINS. Look, if you want to have a debate on something, be smart about it. Don’t make yourself look stupid. Or hey, she just might not be able to do so. Because, well…
Batman wins because:
-He has a utility belt.
-He has the Batmobile.
-He has a mask and an awesome arch enemy.
-Batman’s had more resurrections.
-Jesus would be hindered by the nails in his hand.
-Jesus isn’t real so therefore he automatically forfeits the fight.
Uhh…Batman would win. Jesus totally turns the other cheek.
Seems to me Jesus is a fictional character too. He appears in some highly edited book of fairytales.
^This
when Enrique says “Actually Batman is FICTIONAL” – why doesn’t anyone say “but so is Jesus…”?
This is one of those purely hypothetical arguments – like who would win in a fight between Han Solo and Lion-O. Whether either character is real or not is completely beside the point anyway…
Jesus wins because He’s awesome. He’s the reason I’m the way I am today and He’s gotten me through a lot of tough times in life. Can’t say the same for Batman.
Everyone’s got the right to believe as they wish, but for me, I’ll stick with Jesus.
I want to shake Ronald’s hand for being awesome. From this post it seems Christian’s who read this site can’t or quite possibly refuse to think objectively and all he wanted to do was point out a simple fact that the Christian’s took as a direct stab at Jesus. Quite honestly, as a Christian and a nerd, this post makes Christians look stupid. I believe in Jesus as my savior, but the fact that normal people can’t understand a debate between philosophies makes me sad to admit to the public I am a believer.
I just want to throw The Doctor into this fight. He could so win it. Jesus can use resurrect and the Doctor can use regenerate. Plus the Doctor is just so much cooler. Jesus may have died once to save humanity but the Doctor has died 10 times. Well maybe 11 times if you count the whole thing with the meta crisis. Anyways I would bet my money on the Doctor.
Oh my goodness, as much as I think Jesus would win, putting the Doctor into this fight is probably the most awesome idea ever.
I feel bad for Jesus D= All these people mentioned have an unfair advantage. Jesus doesn’t have the technology and half the training regiments that batman used aren’t being used. Jesus died without any fancy technology/powers backing him up.
And by powers, i mean stuff to bring him back to life. Dude definitely had other powers.
you could say: NORMGASM???
and all this because god thought it would be funny to make a virgin pregnant…
F’ed up, (wo)man!
i put this comment just so that there isn’t 666 of them
While there’s certainly been a ton of folks named Jesus in history (I’ve known five of them personally myself, four of them janitors, oddly), “THE Jesus” is no more or less fictional than Batman. Batman has books that say he exists, Jesus has books that say he exists. In both cases those books, movies and claims by folks all stem from the same source.
There are people named Bruce Wayne, there are people named Jesus (although most of them have different last names), but just repeating what you’ve read (“jesus exists” or “batman exists”) doesn’t make it true in either case.
You can’t just up and decide a piece of fiction is more real than another just because someone told you the first one was real.
uuum,batman duh,jesus isnt even real.therefore,it is impossible for jesus to win.
Still, if Batman got into a fight with Jesus, he’d be beating up a peaceful, kind, loving man who didn’t fight back. So, he’d be punching out Jesus, while Jesus just took it. Batman would definitely not win in the eyes of anyone watching him beat up a ‘helpless’ man. Like a bully beating up a puppy.
jesus attacked some money lenders with a coil of rope at passover, the most pacifistic (except to livestock) festival of the year. How do you know jesus wouldn’t start it? Maybe jesus appears in modern times, goes into a bank and starts crap and Batman goes to the bank to stop what people assume is a robbery, as this angry beardy guy is screaming in some middle eastern language and lashing at the bankers with one of those velvet ropes banks have and that’s how the fight starts. Why you gotta assume Batman would be the aggresor?
Nobody is bringing up the fact that Jesus too was a fictional character who has been replicated through centuries having the same story told several times over from the ancient egyptians, Hinduism and as you now know it, Christianity. Check out the Egyptian story of Horus.
Nobody is bringing up the fact that Jesus too was a fictional character who has been replicated through centuries having the same story told several times over. From the ancient egyptians, Hinduism and as you now know it, Christianity. Check out the Egyptian story of Horus. Do some research on your religion. You will be surprised how much has been recycled through out the years. Also, per the Batman vs. Jesus fight, I would love to see a Hell-In-A-Cell match between the two of them. I think fictional Jesus could be pretty scrappy vs. fictional Batman.
Hinduism? do tell.
You do realise that (all religious mumbo jumbo and force powers/matter control stuff aside) their was a real Yeshua of Nazerath. He really was the guy who made up a religion that would become Christianity (the Romans arrested him because he was rallying poor people, today he would have been called a Communist). And how do fictional Batman’s gadgets trump fictional “messiah-stereotype/traditional human-civilization-spanning hero story” Jesus’s matter control? (Turns water into wine, turns batmobile and bat armor into carbon dust and sends naked Bruce Wayne skidding down the street at 100+ mph)
That thaught me religious freaks are absolutly unable to keep ‘emselves from feeding trolls
Well, judging by the poll results at the end…Batman IS winning. By about 59% atm. So, sorry Jesus lovers. That Ronald guy is right!
So far it’s 4 to 1 in favour of batman.
I’m sure in all these comics someone already said it but…Batman beat Jesus at the movies.
So Batman DID win.
Hmm…In Jesus’ fiction he has matter control, I think that beats gadgets and martial arts. A little like Dr. Manhattan vs. Batman.
I FINALY finished reading all the comments. W00t I am comment 700!
And after all this, no one noticed that it was angel who rolled the rock away, not Jesus.
bruce wayne is jesus
with love,
Cory
Children: this is why you should never mix religion and the internet.
Ummm… why does everyone seem to forget that Jesus is a fictional character as well as Batman? Batman would win.
I’m not sure it counts as fiction if people are supposed to believe it.
So are we talking Bible Jesus or South Park Jesus? Because if it’s just the boring old bible version, then I’d vote batman. If, however, this is the South Park Jesus, he’d win no problem, because he’d have Santa for backup, and we all know Santa is badass.
I think it took Jesus three days to come from the tomb not because he was dead, but because digging under a 2 ton rock in the dark probably took him 3 days to accomplish.
Batman wins because Jesus is a myth.
I love Ronald.
Aw, this was a very nice post. In idea I want to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and actual effort to make an excellent article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and certainly not seem to get something done.
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He keeps on saying batman is fictional but how do we know for a fact that jesus did miracles like
-Heal the sick
_walk on water
-not smoke pot
I rcently read the first few pages of the bible, it seemed lke a good story, but so is Batman’s comic series, so is Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy, and tbh, i’d preffer to believe in a hilarious amalgamation of alien races occupying this vast and varied galaxy, rather than one omipotent being who seems way too ossessed about our one little rock. And doesn’t (western) religion date back to when we truly believed/our best guess was that our planet was the centre of the universe, bost physically and culturally? If so, then the idea of a God watching over only us is a pretty innevitable conclusion for our great great great great ancestors to arrive at. And as far as science/religion go, they can be as bad as one another, but as of yet, science has the evidence, and at the rate it’s going now, religion as we know it probably won’t be around in a few centuries. (which isn’t really that long) just look how it’s declined, and now scientifit inquiry is helping to put it to bed.
And if religion isn’t going to help us sort out the economy, environment, population problems, and generall advancement of humanity on a non metaphysical scale, then i have no time or respect for it… Basically, what i’m saying is, we need to get our arses to Mars or there’s not going to be enough food, water, housing or power (which are all preeeety important) its literally that simple, and can you imagine how dissapointed a possible god would be in his supposed favourite ever lifeforms if we don’t ever get ourselves of this one little planet and end up vaporizing eachother?
Why the hell do you guys care so much?
First of all, yeah Bruce is an awesome superhero, My favorite, but his job was not manual labor, he was not a carpenter, who had to work with his hands and anyone who has done manual labor knows that you build muscle. So saying that Jesus was weak is wrong. Now comparing who was stronger would be difficult. And saying that Jesus was a pacifist is wrong too. My example is when Jesus went to the temple and overturned tables and drove out the money changers, is that not a violent act? As a modern comparison it would be like me going to a bank or somewhere where the people of this day do something like exchange money on a normal bases and tear the place apart. If I were to do that at a bank I would defiantly get news attention and probably arrested for doing such things. Wonder what caused the people to put Jesus on the Cross? Well it’s kinda plain to see, He was questioning the authority of the Jewish leaders, and they did not like it. So saying that Jesus would not fight Bruce is probably incorrect, since Jesus speaks about defending your home and tying up a strong man before entering his house to rob him, and many other ideas that are violent. And this is not discrediting Jesus’ idea of turning the other cheek, the question I raise to you is what is the context. Why are you turning the other cheek? When is it okay to defend yourself? When being attacked? or when being mocked?