You have a smoking hot Facebook friend. You wish to fornicate with this person, but the risk of damaging the friendship and/or stirring up a drama s**tstorm is too high! What do you do?!
WHAT. DO. YOU. DO.
If only there was a way to share your wanton wishes without wisking wetrobution in case the feelings aren’t mutual!
If only there was a series of images describing exactly how to do that right below this sentence!
What next?
Via: noisypoppy
Submitted by: Unknown
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Copy & paste this:
Mmmmmm… Bits.
this might work, but i can see a problem with if there is a good response after some bad responses. if you do step 5, then the good response might think it wasn’t you, which makes it moot.
but then you know what the response it, and you can say “hey, I never knew you felt that way, maybe leaving my FB logged on wasn’t all bad”
You’re still covered
I’d call that a win
win
I want to try this now
Why are you guys debating this like it would work in the first place?
Because hope springs eternal in the pants of the geek.
You sir, have the heart, of a poet.
I have Poe’s. ill trade for Longfellow’s if you’ve got it.
Wait for all reply’s 1st then?
Good point, what if all the replies take more than a day? how’d you cover that?
step 6. status block the individual that it worked on. BAM!!
win ✓
If there’s at least one good response, you’ll tell the persons personally instead of posting it as a status, that way the person who responded positive won’t know you sent it to multiple persons.
Flawless in every way. And as an extra safety feature, send a similar message to your mother/sister/great aunt and that way, if you have to apologise publicly, you can use them as a back up that it was a genuine HAX.
i really don’t think if that would be necessary..
If you get a good response from one of THEM, you have the real problem.
WIN!!!!
That made me almost shoot liquid out my nose. Good one.
^ this
Ha ha! Nice one!
What would work best is to send messages to two recipients. A girl you would consider doing and then a relative who rarely get’s on. Then a short while later you compose a new message to your relative saying your account was jacked by a hacker or a ‘who is looking at your profile’ application.
You could also send it to a male friend or two and do the same as above. Although you could also tell the male friend what your plan is and let him help you execute it. Then when he needs someone to ‘get his cheese flowing and his noodle going’ you can help him the same way. Give a new meaning to wingmen.
“cheese flowing”?!? O_o
*steps away slooooowly*
Sorry, I just find the double meaning in Kraft commercials amusing. What do the lyrics and the hose spraying loads of cheese remind you of? How can that jingle not have a tongue in cheek sexual meaning for the adults?
Well, I’m never gonna eat Mac’n'Cheese again!
Yea, i officially wont be able to eat cheese for a good while… thanks bunches
the other emails are to fugly biches you don’t care about
This
If you get a positive from one other step 4s, then in 5 say it was a hax, then tell em you aren’t interested
But if you got one good response who care if the other girls think your a creep.
You need to think ahead…what if one of the others is your number two choice…or all of them are. You need to make sure it works out with your first pick. Keeping one (or more) in the bullpen is important.
You only send it to other people if you get a negative response from Sexy McSexmuffins or whatever her name was. You don’t send out 20 of those emails at once.
I don’t know anything about Facebook, but aren’t all messages timestamped? Won’t it look weird if you send the other 19 messages out an hour after you send the first one if that’s when you get the negative response?
Send ‘em all out at once, and don’t wait for a response from the one you want. In fact, don’t even send the message to her first–the first message should be to some other random person.
You’d really only have to worry about that if you thought they would go around sharing that information with each other.
Oh right, i forgot. women don’t share information with each other…
You know, some people wouldn’t mind a positive response from another friend once they’ve been rejected by the first one. Just to say… ^^
Facebook privacy settings, when posting the appology, block the chick you was the good response, hopefully she’ll never know the difference.
You only send the other 5 messages IF you get a bad response. That’s the back-up, which you don’t need if you get the green light from sexymcass or whateva!
You can go to the privacy setting for each post, hide the post from the good response, or even more specifically, make the post only viewable by the bad responders. Man, FB creeping is so easy nowadays.
That doesn’t even make any sense. There’s only one response you’re looking for. You’re trying to hook up w/hott girl. You send her a message. If she acts like you’re a douche, you send it to some other girls and pretend like a hacker sent nasty stuff to girls on your friends list. All the other girls are damage control, not potential booty.
HUH! ALL girls are potential booty.
You all FAIL!!! You only proceed to step 4 IF you get a bad response from the first one!! DUH!
But you’re not supposed to go to step 5 if you get good responses so there’s no worries
did you notice the names of the other girls he sent it to? they were girls he does not like so he doesn’t care if he gets good responses from them. plus, sending it to ugly people will only confirm it as a hack
If you get a good response…you won’t DO step five lol..that’s why it says “Step 5: (If bad response)…
Or you could just message that to the girls who you got bad responses from..?
^
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foreveralone,jpg
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togetheralone.jpg
i wouldnt mind getting hated by some friends if i am gonna get laid XD, also you can send private messages
i don’t think you have to worry about it
Pwnt.
what do you mean “also you can send private messages”? these ARE private messages
The game
YOU MADE ME LOSE!
That was the point….
C-C-C-C-CCOMBO BREAKER!!!!
Thankyou Cpt. Obvious !
Oh the irony.
OBVIOUSLY!
goddamn it.
i lost.
Damn you, sir.
The beef.
Goddamn it.
i ate it.
YOU! YOU RIPPED DRONGO’S FACE OFF AND ARE WEARING IT AS YOUR OWN!!! WHERE IS HE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM???
Are we still doing that?
Is that still a thing?
Some people can’t let things go…
You were obviously thinking it when you typed it..therefore YOU LOST THE GAME!
“ZOMG I ALSO WANT TO CHEW ON YOUR KNOB”
haha i laughed so hard at that bit xD
Hahaha, same. It was hilarious. My family turned to me and said, “What are you laughing at?” I couldn’t talk between the gasps for air.
You spelled “penis” wrong.
you misspelt “spelt”
spelt 1 (splt)
n.
A hardy wheat grown mostly in Europe.
Etymology \ˌe-tə-ˈmä-lə-jē\
n.
the history of a linguistic form (as a word) shown by tracing its development since its earliest recorded occurrence in the language where it is found, by tracing its transmission from one language to another, by analyzing it into its component parts, by identifying its cognates in other languages, or by tracing it and its cognates to a common ancestral form in an ancestral language
‘Spelled’ and ‘Spelt’ are both fine, although I appreciate your effort in upstaging cebuspoop (who has no clue, whereas you probably know what you’re talking about but just wanted to show him that he was an idiot).
——————–
Ending argument because it can be either spelling
As much I would be happy if it would end, it certainly won’t…
it looks like it end’t
But there will be a new argument the next time someone writes “spelt”.
Yup I almost ruptured my spleen trying not to lol inappropriately at my desk while reading this X-D
BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A mind this warped should not be wasted. He should be working with the CIA.
He is.
who doesn’t know sexy mcsexbucket, that whore.
if one good response after bad response, when posting the “hax” status update, make it not visible to the good reponsee. and hope she never finds out!
wat. doesn’t make sense. you only do the hax thing if she responded negatively.
let me clarify more: the other 3 were not booty calls, just damage control to make it look like a hacker sent out sexual msgs to your female friends making you look innocent. you are only interested in a positive response from the original person, the rest don’t matter
GODDAMMIT
why didn’t i think of that…
Haha this is kind of clever
ask John Douche WHAT.TO.DO
Or say your roommate did when he was really drunk
I want to tenderly eat you. Your lovely corpse. 4ever together.
Do you sparkle?
after shoving a 220 volts up their arse,
People thought way too hard on this one.
This idea was stolen from me.
How could this idea have been stolen from you? I didn’t think that the ancient Romans even had facebook.
username FAIL
answer comment WIN
umm how about skip this and actually talk to a girl in real life?
wait! you can DO that?
You should TOTALLY teach me how to do this! It sounds hard.
There is an alternative strategy that involves being cooler and not having to game to have game.
I lost the game.
damnit
dumbest strategy ever… 1. you’ll never get a good response with such a retarded message, 2. you can’t cover up the fact that you sent it to multiple persons if you post that status. even if you status block the good responses, you would have to get all responses immediately, in order to post the status after everyone’s answered you.. makes waiting time impractical for believability .. 3. what’s the point of sending it to friends when you can just message people that aren’t friends (with something less stupid), and if you know those people in real life, it’s much better to talk to them there..
read the top comments. They explain it all. this truly IS flawless.
wat. are you paying attention? the example was just supposed to be a silly example, you’re supposed to put whatever you want to say in your own personal message. secondly, you are not sending out a mass booty call. you are trying to get the attention of one person, not all of them. if you get a negative response from that one, then you use the others as damage control to make it look like its an evil deviant sexual hacker not you at all so you look innocent. you aren’t trying to get a positive response from those girls, you’re just making the hacker scenario more believable.
The whole point of this was to get with someone you know sexually without ruining the relationship. You can’t walk up to someone then pretend you were hacked lol. you missed the whole point of the lesson. F. See me after class.
umm, even if it’s just an example, which im sure it is, if someone is A) your friend, it’s much better to just do the IM chat, B) not part of a mass-sent list you will not have a good success ratio and C) how is that person going to know you privately messaged a bunch of your other female friends? not like they’ll all tell each other “oh my goodness he messaged me this” .. not to mention your whole theory of “it’s just damage control” and you’re not supposed to get any positive responses, it defeats the whole purpose.
the whole point is, if you focus on one girl, you’ll lose. you can walk up to someone and try to flirt without major consequences. Believe it from someone who’s hooked up with wayy more girls than you in both real life and from facebook…
You seriously don’t get the point of this post do you?
Then I think it’s best you go back to your real life “girlfriends” than to ruin everyone’s day with your nonsense.
I would believe it, if only there were someone like that around here…
I call troll.
His name is Erwin. Nuff said.
SEX DOLLS DON’T COUNT MISTER!
^
This
I liked it better the first time I saw it on Reddit.
So you’re like… an internet Hipster?
gtfo and go listen to unsigned bands in a darklit cafe with ur shoes off hipster
HINT: If you do end up having to send it to multiples, make sure you send the message to each person individually, instead of putting all their names in one message, otherwise then you end up having a thread that all the girls will see responses to.
Last time responding. Doesn’t matter if they see. The mass message is just damage control. It is NOT intended to be booty calls, so it doesn’t matter wtf they say. You are only looking for a response from ONE girl, not any of the others, and you only send it out as damage control.
You people need to work on your reading comprehension.
retarded.. unless that girl is your mom, then im game!
. you can’t do damage control using people who won’t inform that ONE girl they got the message… not to mention it’s called talking in real life with someone. you can easily back out if you’re smart enough to see the girl doesn’t like/not interested. who cares if she won’t be you friend after that anyway
Yes Einstein. Except this whole article is about “how to hook up on Facebook”, not “how to meet girls IRL”. So kindly stuff your “get out and talk to girls” – advice for the column in your local newspaper.
Also, the point of damage control: You send out the 5 decoy messages to the other girls, WAIT ONE HOUR and then post your update, you don’t wait for their reply.
On a sidenote: “who hooked up with wayy more girls”
Pics or GTFO.
It doesn’t matter if they inform the booty call or not. You post as status the apology and the girl who you were writting will think the same message was not send only to her. And that’s the whole point of this. You can’t trick the girl in real life, why don’t you get it?
Not to mention there’s a fairly good ammount of chance that at least one of the “collateral damage” girls comments on your status update (afterall, they are all your friends on facebook, so it is expected that you are, at the very least, someone they saw at least once), thus enhancing the “truthiness” of the whole story.
* hook up
Excellent list, except that the real step 1 is to sign up on Facebook, which I have not done, so I fail fail FAIL!
but the only females on my facebook are my sister, my mom, my brother’s wife and my math teacher
I’m thinking sister.
OHHH, you? Go for the math teacher, then.
you’d get better marks
only if she let you multiply
And Divide.
I had to comment on this. Erwin you don’t get it. This is really really simply yet you fail to comprehend this.
You tell the hot chick how you feel. If she rejects you, then you send out the message to other chicks. After you send those out you set your status saying your account got hacked. If she does not reject you then you have happy time with her and DO NOT send out the message to other chicks, nor do you put the status up about your account getting “hacked.”
This does two things. First it shows everyone, including the hot chick that you got “hacked.” Second it covers your ass IF AND ONLY IF the hot chick rejects you.
Oh, man … some of the commenters here have serious reading comprehension problems. It’s not that hard to understand what this is trying to accomplish.
Someone should make a Y U NO UNDERSTAND meme out of this.
It hurts my brain to know that there are people as dumb as there are, and that I can’t do anything about it but go to my emo corner.
^^^^^ THIS. I think I will now.
By extension then:
send message to everyone in the world. Wait for responses. Take your pick of the positive ones*. Make apology status. Contact chosen responder about serendipitous mutual affection. Win.
* if no good responses realise the black hopelessness of your existence.
genius!
I can’t believe so many people are actually talking about how to pull this off. . . O.o
You underestimate the loneliness of Failbook users.
You sir, win.
You misspelt “entire internet”
It’s odd to see the word misspelled spelt (spelled, whatever) misspelt.
And it thinks that spelt and misspelt aren’t words
it can be spelt either way spelled or spelt both are grammatically correct. buy a dictionary or at least an app.
I’m totaly gonna do that!
Can we touch bits?
First off..wonderful topic.
2nd off…love the way you did this
3rd…LMFAOOOOO!!!
Step 6: Should you get a reply from a Step 4 (I apologize, this has been said, I’m summing it up), you post a Step 5, but send a message to her saying, “Hey, I never knew you felt that way. Maybe we should go out?”
If someone gives u a good response then instead of making a status update about bbeing hacked, just send them out to the people as messages
Alternative: Tell your wingman to do it during a party (let him to your computer) and apologize after.
Always apologize, publicly: Even if you’re lucky, your luck won’t get destroyed by that.
If you have to trick someone, you don’t deserve them.
way to play it clean, sir
A good idea for a FB application could be where people select who they are interested in, but the other person is only shown if they select the other and there is mutual interest. Otherwise no one finds out.
wait wait.. i got one.. how about.. you actually talk to her like a normal person
wait for the first response first so people you will send the message should be online or this people might suspect something.
example:
me= send to someone #1
good reply
stop
example 2
me=send to someone #1
replied fast but bad response
me = send to someone #2
replied slowly 30-2hrs
then your screwed. do you expect people to keep quiet if you send some nasty messages?
someone #2 saw status of someone #1 about you sending messages
you= forever alone forever
Wait i got it!!!!! how about EVERYBODY that wants a random facebook hook up is Creeeeeppppyyy
Explenation
Scenario 1:
1: send a message to potential sex partner explaining your feelings for her intimately
2: go “offline” or hidden. read the response to your message, but be inactive so nobody can tell that youre online
3: reply is positive, rock dat.
Scenario 2:
1: Send message to potential sex partner
2: go offline/hidden
3: negative response
4: send messages to random girls in your friends list
5: wait a few minutes, 20 or so maybe
6: post a status or respond en masse to them showing your sorrow for letting something happen (hacks, rogue app, virus, etc)
explenation of 6 on scenario 2:
if you post a status everyone sees it, the hot one, and the other ones. if you responde en masse, one of them is bound to respond, and theyll all get a copy of it. ergo, most people wont look further into it, though if they do, they wont be able to tell that it was anything other than a hack
‘soft pocket’
i laughed for ages!
The way I would play this is to send seperate messages to a large number of girls including Sexy McSexbucket in the first place. That way theres almost no way you can be found out, or even reason for anyone to be suspicious.
as I read the part that says “awww yeaaah” someone on the tv said that. It was trippy, yo.
Fake and gay Fake and gay.
Did anyone else get a boner from this?
this is only what loser do i they can’t get a girl the normal way….
lmfao this is funny, haha & guys sum of ur comments r messed up and repetative lol
but i swear as a girl obviously i think u shouldn’t do this,
but i’ve gotta say, this prob would work n is hella funny : )