No worries, it’s not really intelligence after all, just knowledge of some terms in physics. Things you might pick up in physics classes or by reading a lot of the science section of the NYT say.
Dude, you gotta keep the nerds happy. They could take over the world if not kept busy. Even the government understands that. Why else would we keep funding NASA?
Nope, the Obama-stupids have taken over and canceled the only manned space flight program we had. We have to beg the Russians now if we want to get something into space.
If you are referring to the space shuttle program, it had a set number of flights when the program was created. The current administration had nothing to do with grounding the shuttles. If you want to blame anyone for ending the shuttle flights, blame the congress that allowed it to happen in the first place.
The STS is way too expensive, inefficient, and unreliable. There’s a reason why the Russians have stuck with Soyuz. It’s cheap, and it works (most of the time.). We need something more along the lines of the SpaceX Dragon or the Constellation program that works the same way.
And we only need the Russkies if we want to get someone into space. We’ve got all kinds of cargo rockets.
What about the original Orion project? Theoretically, it could have gotten us to Mars if it had enough funding. Unfortunately, it required hundreds of nuclear warheads for propulsion.
I’m not making this up! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Orion_(nuclear_propulsion)
PS: RJFlorida’s “profile picture” is an angry face with tape over its mouth. Ironic, isn’t it?
A tachyon is thought to move backwards in time, hence, the joke is written backwards.
The other is a play on words, He’s looking for Superstrings but all he finds are long threads. String is another word for thread. Superthread = long thread.
AFAIK, the only one they’ve ever mentioned on tBBT was “for you, no charge.” Sitcom characters generally don’t sit around telling “an X walks into a bar” jokes. The comedy is more, you know, situational.
pavlovs dog slips on its drool and the winning chance of schrödingers cat depends on its ability of fightig that specific dog and on the other handside if its still alive when the fight begins… haha -.-
still these comment-jokes arent bad at all
but since everyone feels so smart around here. did any lazy as$ look up that link?
heres what bothered me: what does schrödinger has to do with those birds? it seems that someone wasnt as smart as thought…
Exactly. After all, skyman is the local authority here -not to mention the funniest man alive- so he has the right to tell you what’s funny. See how he replies to every comment he can find? That’s to remind us of his superiority.
Werner Heisenberg is out for a drive one day, and he gets pulled over for speeding. The officer walks up and asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “No, but I know where I am.”
Let me get this straight finally:
So u wer with ur honey and yu wer making out wen the phone rang. U anserd it n the vioce was “wut r u doing wit my daughter?” U tell ur girl n she sayd “my dad is ded”.
So u were scared, tried 2 run out the house,
Open the door
Get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
I just have to point out that a positive “atom” is an Ion.
But here’s another joke:
The Mandelbrot set walked into a bar. The barkeeper said “Quick close the door! It’s a Koch snowstorm outside.” The Mandelbrot set said “I know, give me a cup of hot Droste Cocoa.” The barkeeper made it, and handed it to the Mandelbrot set, who spilled it on the floor. “Oh no!” the barkeeper said “It was a Sierpinski Carpet!”
You totally outsmarted that CMunk! You negatived him like an ELECTRON! I already have 7 negative partners, but if you’d be my eight one it’d be perfect and give us a nice stable relationship.
If that topic is quantum physics, it already is more than one topic. Plus if the topic you deem as “1″ isn’t observed as “1″ then it is and isn’t “1″ at the same time until it is observed as “1″. At the time it is finally observed as just one topic you will see it as it does infact make them smart.
While, yes, there is some truth to that, physics in general requires more critical thinking than, say, art history. People who are good problem solvers tend to be smarter than average.
An imaginary number was sitting at the bar staring at the dancing numbers. A natural number walked up to him and said “hey, don’t be square!”. The imaginary number said “Oh, I’m outta here”.
They are not likely to understand each other in essence. We however know for certain that the natural was positive and that in spite of this the imaginary made itself the odd one out insisting to be square. Opposites are said to attract but I’m afraid these just have no common ground.
The above jokes are not valid in an alternate universe containing Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, Tea Baggers, Tennessee, Kansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, the Left Coast………..No! Wait! WHAT?
Rene Descartes walked into a bar. The bartender said, “Evening, M. Descartes, can I get you something?” Descartes said, “I think not,” and disappeared.
Davie sez: “A Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest says “your kind isn’t welcome here.” The boson replies: “But without me, how can you have mass?” The priest replies “We’re Episcopalian!”
Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playng hide and go seek.(while living in a paralel universe where they all live in the same time and at the same place.)
Its Einsteins turn to count. Pascal finds a neat place behind the bushes, while Newton draws a square in the ground and stands in the middle. Einstein (who has finished counting) replies: “ha,ha Newton you are so stupid, did you think i wont see you there.” And Newton replies: “ha,ha i am not a Newton i am a Pascal.”
Schrodinger and Heisenberg are driving in a car when a cat runs out and they hit it. Schrodinger exclaims, ‘That cat was huge, he must have weighed 20 pounds! How fast was he going?’ then Heisenberg says ‘No way to know. Is it dead?’ Schrodinger looks back and says ‘Now it is.’
Love it! These jokes are made even funnier by the fact that most people don’t understand them xD Quantum physics being my biggest interest makes it even better!
Nahh, stupid…? Probably the definer was either not smart enough to realise he wasn’t specifically educated to define “intelligent people” or joking. But hm… didn’t anyone get that one?
1) These made me smile.
2) No need to pat yourself on the back or feel elitist if you got these jokes- they are all things that are either taught in high school or are a simple play on words based on the definition of a term that has already reached pop culture status. Understanding the definition of a word is much different from understanding how to make calculations based off of their mathematical models. be proud of your own area of expertise instead of bragging about dabbling in something else.
3) No, these are not quantum mechanics jokes. A few are, but there are also jokes from basic chemistry, atomic physics, and condensed matter.
I fully agree with you, people these days are like ‘omg I know what a quark is!’ just cause they’re heard it mentioned before. And also…. whatever physics job you’re in, I’d love to be doing it too.
Does anyone feel that when something like this is posted, it is simply re-posted/shared because people want others to think they’re “especially intelligent,” when in reality they don’t understand jacksh** of these jokes?
It reminds me of the Emperor’s New Clothes folktale in a way… >__>;
No, hard to imagine, especially when you choose nickname. And btw, hard to imagine ppl feel geeky by getting all the jokes. Hey people relax, it’s never too late to trade your geek life for one on Facebook.
Dammit! F***ing nerd test! I passed!
I hate physics, but i still lol’d at these. What’s wrong with you guys? I’m like, a third world guy who gets that kinda jokes!
The hostess walks into the bar and the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here”. The hostess says, “I don’t serve either and I try to be kind everywhere. It’s the right thing to do!” I’ll take a glass of wine please. : – )
stupid
Which is ironic considering how clever and intelligent most of them were.
can u taste the iron-y?
Fe, not really.
Lol. I love this.
Funniest one in weeks. I guess I am a big geek. Oh well.
Really funny jokes, indeed. So geeky that I read the whole thing twice. These are extremely good science jokes.
A man walks into a bar and says “OW!”
An angle walks into a bar and says to another angle “Hey, what’s your sine?” She says “Pi”ces. He says “Great, we’re cosines!”
Get out, now.
That’s not ferri funny…………..
Oh, chrome on. Have some sense of humor.
These puns are so easy I don’t even need to zinc about them.
Maybe we should just barium and be done with it.
This thread is boron me.
Um….. Tungsten.
Cobalt-mbo Bromine-eaker!
Carbon Carbon Carbon Cobalt-mbo Bromine-eaker?
Q: Where do you get mercury from?
A: Hg Wells.
Haha Fe.
you misunderstand, he was describing himself.
It’s only stupid if you are too stupid to understand the jokes. I understood every one of them and I LOL’d
I did not know what a Redditor was. Now I do. ARF!
I only understood some of them, not all though. Guess I’m slightly intelligent, at least!
No worries, it’s not really intelligence after all, just knowledge of some terms in physics. Things you might pick up in physics classes or by reading a lot of the science section of the NYT say.
And by “clever and intelligent” you mean “copied and pasted”.
Clearly
Don’t be frustrated because you don’t get physics jokes. Crack a book.
These jokes aren’t hard to “get” at all, unless you’ve never ever read a physics book. They’re all just very corny.
That’s the point. To date, humorologists still have yet to find a science joke that is both funny and understandable, even for idiots.
Dude, you gotta keep the nerds happy. They could take over the world if not kept busy. Even the government understands that. Why else would we keep funding NASA?
they aren’t funding NASA, at least, not effectively. its a real disappointment
Nope, the Obama-stupids have taken over and canceled the only manned space flight program we had. We have to beg the Russians now if we want to get something into space.
IT’S FUN TO BE STUPID.
If you are referring to the space shuttle program, it had a set number of flights when the program was created. The current administration had nothing to do with grounding the shuttles. If you want to blame anyone for ending the shuttle flights, blame the congress that allowed it to happen in the first place.
The STS is way too expensive, inefficient, and unreliable. There’s a reason why the Russians have stuck with Soyuz. It’s cheap, and it works (most of the time.). We need something more along the lines of the SpaceX Dragon or the Constellation program that works the same way.
And we only need the Russkies if we want to get someone into space. We’ve got all kinds of cargo rockets.
What about the original Orion project? Theoretically, it could have gotten us to Mars if it had enough funding. Unfortunately, it required hundreds of nuclear warheads for propulsion.
I’m not making this up! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Orion_(nuclear_propulsion)
PS: RJFlorida’s “profile picture” is an angry face with tape over its mouth. Ironic, isn’t it?
Unfortunately, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_Test_Ban_Treaty
Yes, indeed you are. You can at least admit it though, so that’s very big of you.
Yes you are.
tl;dr.
This.
Your loss.
THE GAME – YOU REALLY BEEN FAR AS DECIDED TO LOSE EVEN GO NOT WANT TO LOSE FAIL MORE LIKE
That’s not funny dude. You just need to the heck!
“Need to the heck” is old. It really needs to the heck.
I accidentally to the heck, is that bad?
I agree with Y0, “Need to the heck” really needs to the heck.
I don’t get the first and last comment..Could someone please explain?
A tachyon is thought to move backwards in time, hence, the joke is written backwards.
The other is a play on words, He’s looking for Superstrings but all he finds are long threads. String is another word for thread. Superthread = long thread.
Thank you, I didn’t understand those either.
yeah, had to google the first one, kinda get the second, others are funny
a tachyon particle moves so fast you could see it leaving before you could see it coming.
I think there is a joke about your mom in there somewhere
I got them all. And I barely passed Physics I.
Me too, despite most of them being Big Bang Theory quotes.
AFAIK, the only one they’ve ever mentioned on tBBT was “for you, no charge.” Sitcom characters generally don’t sit around telling “an X walks into a bar” jokes. The comedy is more, you know, situational.
And Big Bang Theory is AWESOME situational comedy. I have not laughed so hard in a LONG time.
I think the point was that they were clever enough to come up with the jokes, not that everyone else was incapable of understanding them.
And if what Wheezy says is true, I failed by giving them that much credit.
if no one as capable of understanding, would it matter if it was accurate?
I understood them all, here is one; who would win in a fight Pavlov’s dogs or Schrödinger’s cat?
What, are you kidding me? Schrödinger’s cat would win and not win at the same time, of course.
They all die; that’s what happens when dogs and cats fight inside a box with a vial of hydrogen cyanide.
YES!
pavlovs dog slips on its drool and the winning chance of schrödingers cat depends on its ability of fightig that specific dog and on the other handside if its still alive when the fight begins… haha -.-
still these comment-jokes arent bad at all
but since everyone feels so smart around here. did any lazy as$ look up that link?
heres what bothered me: what does schrödinger has to do with those birds? it seems that someone wasnt as smart as thought…
Neither, I haven’t checked. I find they try harder if I don’t always take note.
Me too, and I sucked at Physics as well. Being good at school doesn’t make you smart.
I agree.. knowing some words related to physics doesn’t imply that the person is smart..
But not understanding physics jokes does imply that you are ignorant.
Or, that you have a liberal arts degree.
I have a liberal arts degree and I got all of them.
LOL…
*has a liberal arts degree and STILL got the jokes*
There goes that theory.
Me too.
Nice!
^Community College drop-out, can’t read!^
Quantum physics jokes
* = love
Can’t be all that smart if Davie doesn’t know when to use “a” or “an”
He did ONE mistake. Get The Fresh Oranges you idiot.
He made…..
i dont get it.
AM I RIGHT?
No. You are left.
YOU ARE CORRECT!
Am I wrong? (lol)
Nope, you seem like an anarchist, at best.
WIN
The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type here.”
Two days later, this time traveler walks into a bar.
(Sorry; a friend sent me that this morning and the similarities and timing were too much to pass up.)
The tachyon one was better than this. FAIL
Exactly. After all, skyman is the local authority here -not to mention the funniest man alive- so he has the right to tell you what’s funny. See how he replies to every comment he can find? That’s to remind us of his superiority.
He’s even superior to me!
Pure epic win!!!
The top one was on Sickepidia yesterday
Totally made my day.
It made you for t=24 hrs?
brilliant!
Werner Heisenberg is out for a drive one day, and he gets pulled over for speeding. The officer walks up and asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “No, but I know where I am.”
Nice one, sir!
Good one
Well played. That was made of pure EPIC and pure WIN!
Old joke but still good.
This is better than the original one hahhahaha
^This
ROFL!
Now I feel smart, cuz I understood all of ‘em perfectly. And I’m 14!
I felt smart because I understood all of them, and I’m an idiot!
You don’t even need much more than eighth grade English to figure out what each one means via context.
im 12 and what is this?
This is Spaaaaaaaartaaaaaaaaaa!
someone knows their memes………………
All Your Base Are Belong Back To You Now
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
Let me get this straight finally:
So u wer with ur honey and yu wer making out wen the phone rang. U anserd it n the vioce was “wut r u doing wit my daughter?” U tell ur girl n she sayd “my dad is ded”.
So u were scared, tried 2 run out the house,
Open the door
Get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
Now I feel much less smart, because I’m 14 and only understood half of them.
These two can have me any day of the week!
Loved it! Thank you.
hahaha if I had never taken Chemistry, I wouldn’t have gotten at least a few of those. Oh, science~
“a awful”? AHA, joke’s on you.
I got it all. Problem?
I just have to point out that a positive “atom” is an Ion.
But here’s another joke:
The Mandelbrot set walked into a bar. The barkeeper said “Quick close the door! It’s a Koch snowstorm outside.” The Mandelbrot set said “I know, give me a cup of hot Droste Cocoa.” The barkeeper made it, and handed it to the Mandelbrot set, who spilled it on the floor. “Oh no!” the barkeeper said “It was a Sierpinski Carpet!”
…any charged atom is an ion.
a positively charged atom….is a cation.
You totally outsmarted that CMunk! You negatived him like an ELECTRON! I already have 7 negative partners, but if you’d be my eight one it’d be perfect and give us a nice stable relationship.
Nonsense. It’s only a CATion if you’re in a box and nobody has observed you.
That was truly awful. I tip my hat to you.
the higgs boson joke is the best of the bunch XD
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender says. “for you, NO CHARGE!!’
*laughter*
Nice one
While amusing, a knowledge of 1 subject does not deem a person “smart”…
If that topic is quantum physics, it already is more than one topic. Plus if the topic you deem as “1″ isn’t observed as “1″ then it is and isn’t “1″ at the same time until it is observed as “1″. At the time it is finally observed as just one topic you will see it as it does infact make them smart.
While, yes, there is some truth to that, physics in general requires more critical thinking than, say, art history. People who are good problem solvers tend to be smarter than average.
Actually, art history is a pretty complex topic too.
I got most of them and I’m 12 xP
Then you win….
Congrats. Life only gets worse from here.
An imaginary number was sitting at the bar staring at the dancing numbers. A natural number walked up to him and said “hey, don’t be square!”. The imaginary number said “Oh, I’m outta here”.
I guess the relationship between natural and imaginary numbers is complex. That crack about “don’t be square” is, at it’s root, a negative one.
They are not likely to understand each other in essence. We however know for certain that the natural was positive and that in spite of this the imaginary made itself the odd one out insisting to be square. Opposites are said to attract but I’m afraid these just have no common ground.
snicker snicker , I got most of them thanks to a geek for a son
Did he máke you eat them ??
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle says “You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.”
This? This is win. Both the original entry and some of the comments here.
LOL’d…and for the most part with no help from wikipedia. See, you don’t have to be a rockit syentist to get it
Definitely not. But getting a dictionary helps.
How’s this: A superconductor orders Absolut. The bartender says: we have zero Absolut! The superconductor says: Good, but don’t try to chill it!
A photon walks into a bar and orders a light beer.
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says “We don’t serve your kind in here”. The mushroom says “come on, I’m a fungi.”
Old, and not science related.
I got every single joke…I feel like a huge geek now
The above jokes are not valid in an alternate universe containing Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, Tea Baggers, Tennessee, Kansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, the Left Coast………..No! Wait! WHAT?
The left coast? Like where Cal Tech, UC Berkeley, Stanford, USC, and the SLAC Linear Accelerator are?
No, the one where the Real Housewives are.
Cleverness fail, but thanks for trying!
Rene Descartes walked into a bar. The bartender said, “Evening, M. Descartes, can I get you something?” Descartes said, “I think not,” and disappeared.
ha!
TL; DR
An electron on Acid walks into a Metal bar –> battery is become.
Davie sez: “A Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest says “your kind isn’t welcome here.” The boson replies: “But without me, how can you have mass?” The priest replies “We’re Episcopalian!”
i seriously heart these kids!!
Ha! That was good.
Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playng hide and go seek.(while living in a paralel universe where they all live in the same time and at the same place.)
Its Einsteins turn to count. Pascal finds a neat place behind the bushes, while Newton draws a square in the ground and stands in the middle. Einstein (who has finished counting) replies: “ha,ha Newton you are so stupid, did you think i wont see you there.” And Newton replies: “ha,ha i am not a Newton i am a Pascal.”
I find it odd that nobody mentioned that two of the jokes also appeared in the computer game Fallout 3.
I don’t understand inglish
My mom make me stop hanging out with my friend the white dwarf star. She said he was too degenerate.
Now THESE I liked. And I was glad to see that one of the comments added the Heisenburg/Police joke, as it’s always been a favorite of mine.
“I find it odd that nobody mentioned that two of the jokes also appeared in the computer game Fallout 3.”
I remember the “no charge” one, but none of the others.
FO3 also had the crematorium discounts for burn victims and the cannibals eating a clown.
I’m not a science person, but the fact that I understood these caused me to crack up.
Just hilarious
As we can all see, scientists spend way too much time in bars.
This was pretty brilliant.
I got all of them and I’m 14.
How many moles in a guacamole?
(Avocado’s number.)
Schrodinger and Heisenberg are driving in a car when a cat runs out and they hit it. Schrodinger exclaims, ‘That cat was huge, he must have weighed 20 pounds! How fast was he going?’ then Heisenberg says ‘No way to know. Is it dead?’ Schrodinger looks back and says ‘Now it is.’
Love it! These jokes are made even funnier by the fact that most people don’t understand them xD Quantum physics being my biggest interest makes it even better!
+100 Internets
TLDR
Bazinga!
Remember when Doc Brown met himself in BTTF part II? That was a temporal paradox.
A man walks into a bar. He says to the bartender “A pint of Adenosine Triphosphate please.” The bartender says “That’ll be ATP.”
Haha…nice.
Took me a second, though. I’m American, and ATP doesn’t sound like currency on this side of the water.
Definition of a tachyon: a gluon that isn’t quite dry.
hahahahaha so funny this aint a place for not geek scientists!
I understood every one of those jokes… i feel sad now T.T
A bar of gold walks into a bar. The bartender, trying to get his attention, shouts, “‘Ey, you!”
What’s stupid about these is that they’re defined as jokes for “intelligent people” when in fact, they are jokes for “specifically-educated people”.
Nahh, stupid…? Probably the definer was either not smart enough to realise he wasn’t specifically educated to define “intelligent people” or joking. But hm… didn’t anyone get that one?
*”smart people”
I was asked about the farmer and the neutrino’s daughter jokes in response. And I’m so stupid I bought it. Even though I got the jokes.
1) These made me smile.
2) No need to pat yourself on the back or feel elitist if you got these jokes- they are all things that are either taught in high school or are a simple play on words based on the definition of a term that has already reached pop culture status. Understanding the definition of a word is much different from understanding how to make calculations based off of their mathematical models. be proud of your own area of expertise instead of bragging about dabbling in something else.
3) No, these are not quantum mechanics jokes. A few are, but there are also jokes from basic chemistry, atomic physics, and condensed matter.
I fully agree with you, people these days are like ‘omg I know what a quark is!’ just cause they’re heard it mentioned before. And also…. whatever physics job you’re in, I’d love to be doing it too.
jokes is the best medicine to every sadness
Does anyone feel that when something like this is posted, it is simply re-posted/shared because people want others to think they’re “especially intelligent,” when in reality they don’t understand jacksh** of these jokes?
It reminds me of the Emperor’s New Clothes folktale in a way… >__>;
No, hard to imagine, especially when you choose nickname. And btw, hard to imagine ppl feel geeky by getting all the jokes. Hey people relax, it’s never too late to trade your geek life for one on Facebook.
Dammit! F***ing nerd test! I passed!
I hate physics, but i still lol’d at these. What’s wrong with you guys? I’m like, a third world guy who gets that kinda jokes!
dumb…..
I compiled a book during grad school as a gift for my advisors with this type of humor:
“IN THE LAB: Humor for Graduate Students in Engineering, Physics and Math and Those Who Suffer with Them”
The hostess walks into the bar and the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here”. The hostess says, “I don’t serve either and I try to be kind everywhere. It’s the right thing to do!” I’ll take a glass of wine please. : – )