Edward is the abusive one in the Twilight series. Given that abusers often see themselves as the victims in the relationship, your comment disturbs me more than a little.
actually bella is abusive as well. she’s just abusing everyone else instead of edward, whereas edward mainly abuses her instead of everyone else.
check out das_mervin’s livejournal page, she goes through the twilight books in detail, analyzing the characters in a really humorous and clever manner.
1st : hes righ
2nd : the b1tch is wrong…there are like 2 times more woman than man on earth so who cares about some crybaby?? ooh good sir hit that b1tch,enjoy
Even if there were three of four times more women than men, it would simply create a situation where a quarter of the men have multiple partners while the lower quarter would still be dateless.
While she’s letting herself be treated like, there’s some guy ready to be the sponge for her issues and baggage once she leaves your dumb abusive ass……until she’s over being safe and happy, then she’ll go back to the guy who loves her…….. every time he fractures her orbital socket with a hay-maker to her dumb face.
You can take the woman out of the abuse relationship, but you can’t take the abuse dependency and self worth issues out of the woman.
And if you had ANY idea how controlling some people can be, if you knew that there are women who are literally trapped, unable to leave, no where to go and no way to get there if they had a place to go….
Anyway, back to the topic-
To the dismay of the man who treats her like a princess, she rarely cares about who treats who well. She just holds onto the relationship until it tears her apart, and then says there’s nothing she can do.
Yes, she’s a victim if he attacks her, but for heaven’s sakes. Call the police, leave him and get a restraining order.
Yes, and the vast majority of the time (but not all), a man claiming to be abused is actually the abuser in the relationship. Man punches woman, woman tries to defend herself, man reports that he is abused.
I can understand being upset with your partner if they cheat, but not the person they cheat with so much. How could I blame someone for wanting to bang my hot wife?
Cuz the men find it easier to beat up the guy than the girl. They really want to beat up the girl, but may not be THAT quite of a Neanderthal to go that far, but just enough of one to beat up the guy instead.
It also shows dominance to the woman…basically saying, “Flirt with other guys and THIS is what you’ll bring about. Do you really want that?”
But it almost never works and in the end, the relationship ends and it’s the guy’s loss.
I could see being mad at one’s spouse/significant other. Not at the other party.
And no it didn’t happen, and no, there are no offers. Re-read the initial statement.
I third that. I got left by my fiancee for someone who flirted with her in a pub when she was at uni. She threw away 7 years of being with me for some dumb w&nker who “said he was interested”. I know what you mean man.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else
Way I see it, it’s cheating on both sides, so I would most definitely be upset with both parties, but definitely MORE so with my husband than the other woman. It takes two to tango.
Been stuck on the other side, actually. I was “involved” with a woman for six months before I discovered she was married.
Having been in that position, I sort of have to agree with Blake. While it takes two to dance, we can’t just assume that the third person knew anything.
And may I assume you ended the affair the second you found out she was married?
I take it you didn’t quite cry on your mate’s shoulder telling him you’re so scared of losing your girlfriend, then went and dumped her two days later only to drive down to your mate’s girlfriend to shag her, and be shagging her for three months until you tauntingly tell him over the net from a safe distance, right?
Cos that’s exactly what a “mate” of mine did…
Yeah, that stinks. And that is definitely a different situation. But I was going on the idea of both parties knowing, in which case it’s equally wrong on both sides.
Screaming, humiliating, offending, insulting and hurting (emotionally), while never good things to do to another, are not domestic violence. They’re not even necessarily abusive (except humiliating and insulting). And considering many women will cry in ANY argument, that’s not even relevant either. This was a good idea but a stupid execution.
Sorry, x, but if this occurs in a pattern, it is psychological abuse. If physical abuse does not accompany it, it likely will develop in the future.
I also dislike this FB post. Most abusers are very jealous and will accuse and assault their partners over real or imagined flirtations and the like. These copy-and-paste FB posts do not help DV victims. If one is against DV and wants to help, one should call the police when one sees it happen and donate time or money to DV agencies. Copy-and-paste statuses are worthless.
Yes, if it’s in a pattern of course it’s abusive. That is why I said “necessarily.” As in, just because one of these things happens one or two times, that does not constitute a strictly abusive relationship. But we are in agreement there. My main point is that these things are not domestic violence. Psychological abuse is not violence. As for your argument about physical abuse being likely to develop as a result of psychological abuse, is that just your personal opinion or did you read a study that backs that up?
I don’t know if psychological abuse officially counts as violence (probably depends on your jurisdiction) but I think it should, otherwise male victims of abuse will be under-represented.
Ask any judge who has awarded a divorce for emotional abuse what the definition of domestic abuse is. You can argue with someone and still be respectful and not abusive by humiliating and insulting them. That is only what happens when you are losing the argument and have nothing valid to add so you just want to hurt them instead to try to have power over them. AKA: Abuse.
Even though verbally attacking someone does not leave visible scars, the mental scars it leaves are very real. If you’ve never been in that situation then you really have no idea. Also, as Pit Pat said, very often someone goes from ver bal abuse and moves on to physical abuse.
As someone who suffered verbal abuse my entire childhood, I have to strongly disagree with you. You’d be surprised what words can do, and what constantly being put down, intimidated, screamed at and threatened can do to a person, even if there is no physical violence. It affects you for years and years.
None of you are understanding what I meant. Just because you were offended once does not mean that person psychologically abused you. Just because you were screamed at, does not mean you were verbally abused. If it happens over and over and over and over then yes, that is abuse. That is all I was trying to say… I was not trying to say that “sticks and stones may break your bones but words could never hurt you.”
I think you misunderstood me; I was not offended, but I think I misunderstood you, as well. I thought you were saying that words alone are never abuse. I stand corrected. It does have a lot to do with the attitude behind the words, too. Most people will say something stupid and/or mean to their partner once in a while. It’s part of being human. But like you said, if it’s constant and deliberate, it is most definitely abuse.
Women who are verbally, mentally and emotionally abused may not cry. They don’t dare because if they do then the abuser sees that and feels even more powerful. The crying encourages the abuser who escalates.
So yes, just because you don’t get hit, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t abused. Screaming, offending, etc are domestic violence and can take a long time to recover from. Think about this: “everyone” considers this to be child abuse, so why is it okay to treat your spouse (male or female) this way? I am not talking about the occasional disagreement or fight, but constant, consistent treatment.
Funny… I was just discussing this in the opposite direction the other day.
My father was abusive, frequently taking out his anger at my mother, on me. For instance, the time he whipped me until my legs bled on a tissue-thin pretense. When my mother asked him why he hadn’t asked her about the situation before punishing me (she had given her permission for the thing he whipped me for), he said, “Well, if you’d been here when I came home for lunch, I guess that wouldn’t have happened, would it?”
He was angry because he’d had to make his own sandwich (LITERALLY), so he beat me bloody for something that (a) was a misunderstanding and (b) shouldn’t have been a belt-worthy offense even if it WASN’T a misunderstanding.
Why did he take it out on me? Because if he’d hit her, that’s unquestioningly spouse abuse. If he’d struck her even ONCE, not even leaving a mark, much less drawing blood, there is no argument whatsoever that’s spouse abuse. And that makes him a Bad Person.
BUT if he does it to his kid, well, that’s just good old-fashioned discipline there. Spare the rod, spoil the child, dontcha know. It’s not only his right to beat me, it’s his DUTY as a “good parent.” To ensure that I grow up into a responsible citizen.
*eyeroll*
Amazing, the justifications some humans can come up with as excuses to indulge in their desires to cause pain and humiliation to others. (You’ll see it every time there’s a crime involving a child: The bloodthirsty comments from our society’s Upright Citizens’ as they describe their imagined vengeances. Props, I guess, for trying to channel it towards a person who can be said to “deserve” it, but I still wonder why that desire to commit violence is there in the first place.)
I am not sure i completely agree with part of that statement. Specifically the Children part. screaming at a child isn’t in itself abusive, neither is mild physical punishment. Speaking as the child. I was yelled at, on occasion, and received a spanking when i was both too young to fully understand reason and it was something vitally important to my survival (I was doing something that could end in serious injury for myself or others at a time in my youth when a full understanding of the dangers of what I was doing, such as playing with fire, or a knife, was beyond what I could process) Personally I am thankful for it. when I look back at that time I know that something much worse than the temporary sting on my rear could very well have resulted. Now I will say that I don’t believe a child should be spanked often, it is a fine line, and something that should only be used when it is to correct a dangerous behavior, and nothing but an open hand, on the butt. you feel the sting too, so you know the pain you are inflicting. Finally it can never be because you are angry at the child, or anyone else only because what they did HAS to not happen again for their’s and other’s safety. And there is a time it needs to stop, when the child can fully understand their actions, and the consequences that could result reasoned discourse is the way.
The problem, like many things in this society is that there is no moderation. People are abusive when they needlessly do these things, and the ones who do them tend to over do them. Its really off topic from the OP but this is one of my “soapboxes”
I’m surprised only one other person on here pointed out that women are not the only victims of domestic violence. It seems to me /thats/ the message that should be circulated.
These things happen, no matter what sex the abused party is, and it is important to spread awareness, just so people know it’s happening so they CAN report it when they see it.
Of course, that guy doing all those nice things will never get anywhere with her. He just makes it easier to overlook the negative aspects of her boyfriend and continue to be abused.
I swear, it seems to me that way to many women either like to be abused, enjoy the attention of being abused, or think they are some magical fairy whose love can turn an abusive jerk into a nice guy if they stick it out long enough. And, they do want to stick it out because the boyfriend is generally hot and/or rich.
Generally it’s because they’ve been wooed in by earlier times of fluffiness and bunnies.. And then they either believe those times will come back or are too attached to the person that person once was or they (most likely) actually believe they are what they are being called and that they deserve to be treated poorly.. Because that’s exactly what abuse does.
I could shake my cousin…she is with a man who constantly calls her fat, says she is two fat and ugly to ever get anyone else. He strips her confidence down to where she thinks these thing are true, and lowers her down to his level, because HE could never do better.
Go ahead and judge people who are beaten down. But I tell you right now there is not a soul in the world who ENJOYS being abused.
The weird thing is that mean guys tend to do better with women then nice guys. I know lots of single nice guys, yet the mean guys I know are able to pick up women whenever they want. Obviously no one wants to be abused, but it begs the question of why women date guys who are more likely to abuse them.
Sometimes a girl wants to be led rather then lead in a relationship, and this is where they sometimes get drawn in. I’ve been there before, I mean it’s no fun when your the one showing the guy how to do everything. Meeting halfway is what most, if not all relationships need. I found my man in the most peculiar way, I could have any guy I wanted, but I chose him. I don’t regret it at all because he’s nice and caring and loving. Granted we might fight some days, but this is a given. People don’t understand that you have to have a give and take persona, you have to give hard love some days and on others, take a few blows to the pride.
Also, sometimes the nice guys makes the women confused. They either are too shy to show the women interest or the men are liking the wrong women. Trust me, there are a lot of girls out there who are just like those nice boys.
I will never for the life of me understand why someone would stick with an abusive person. I’d rather be alone than be beaten or verbally abused or both. Grow up and get away from your abusive spouse.
Umm.. Often the abusive partner threatens them and they are to scared to escape.
‘Grow up’ Yes all people who are abused need to grow up! It’s all there fault!! (sarcasm)
Yes, blame the one being hit and threatened. that works wonders. I hope you never have to test your philosophy. someone who has been intimidated isn’t going to find it easy to just pull away. They fear the pain and suffering that displeasing the other person has brought in the past, so they fear that doing something like leaving that person could cause them to… [insert very bad things... death, dismemberment, loss of bodily function] considering how badly they reacted to things that are truly nothing. IF you can do that, wonderful. that is what we need in society, but don’t assume everyone can bring themselves to get over that fear without a strong support group. Help them, support them, don’t berate them for legitimate fear
There are people who are scared to leave the one abusing them because that person will kill them if they leave. They are threatened by a man slamming his fist into her and screaming that they will KILL THEM.
It happens. Has nothing to do with maturity, as the one doing the abuse is usually the one that is stunted in maturity.
A woman who leaves her abusive spouse has a one in four chance of being murdered by him. If she leaves knowing those odds, does she also deserve what she gets?
I never did either, until I found myself in the situation.
Sit down and talk with someone one day, without being judgmental and condescending, and really LISTEN to what they have to say. Set aside your “I’d do it different” mindset (which is a way of blaming the victim – you know, like, “She got mugged? But why was she in that neighborhood at 5:15 anyway? I would NEVER go there after 5, myself. I’ll always be safe, because I’m smarter than that”) and really LISTEN.
When you understand the problem, you can begin to be part of the solution.
Who ever said we elected you to be part of it, anyway? Don’t feel special because your getting attention, cupcake. I’m sure a lot of people hate you right now as they read your comments.
They probably hate me too, but I don’t know them so it makes my day a little easier.
Meghan, it’s not that easy. My ex husband was extremely apologetic and cried after he psychologically abused me. I loved him and he was my best friend so I stayed. We were separated for a long time before I had the courage to finally get rid of him with the help of his family. I suffered psychological abuse as a child from my peers and it left scars and I carried the pain into my adulthood. He wasn’t like that when we got married and I figured we all have bad days where we lash out at people we love. Abuse is abuse whether or not we see the scars.
I’ve suffered psychological abuse as well, and I never got together with a dirtbag. Most people just use that as an excuse. With all that time you wasted on him, you could have found someone that deserved you. I realize that you loved him, but it does not seem like your feelings were returned.
I can understand forgiving someone once for violence, but if it happens a second time there is no reason to stick around. There are literally tens of millions of single men close to your age, many of them could be your new best friend.
I was in a relationship that when it started was amazing, moved in together and for the first 6 months it was amazing, then it was tiny little put downs, you know the ones that you can laugh off/shrug off and then it happens again and again and again until it became daily, before you know it, you’re self esteem has been stripped clean away and you’re stuck in an environment that you know that isn’t remotely good for you.(and for me that was when the violence started)
Leaving just seems like an impossiblity and admitting to family and friends that anything is going on is like admitting that you’ve failed. Believe me, I used to say, what kind of weak willed woman would stay? I’d just get up and go..Easier said than done! Personally, it was my best mate determined to get the truth out of me, that saved my arse!
I’m glad that worked out for you. Maybe there should be a rule, like: if your partner insults you more than ten times in a calendar week, they are starting to become abusive, so you should dump them now while you still can.
It’s not like they start hitting you right away. It starts really slow and they get under your skin and into your head. Eventually you are so attached that you are willing to do “anything” to make it work because they have got you convinced that everything is your fault.. that you are doing something wrong and that you deserve it. You start to leave but then you panic because you don’t want to be without them.
Also, who is FOR domestic violence? “post this if you are against domestic violence!”Who isn’t….
Also, walking away really isn’t that easy, especially because they can find you and hurt you worse. Or threaten to kill themselves. These people are extremely unstable. You aren’t really safe even after you “just leave.” It takes a lot of support from a lot of people.
It’s illegal for them to find you and hurt you. Call the police, and stay at a friend’s house until the police get that sorted out. Also, if they were mean to you, you are under no obligation to help them deal with their suicidal issues.
While all the comments about abuse, etc, are perfectly valid, I’m going back to her idiotic statement and phrasing.
Just because this “other guy” is being sweet and kind now doesn’t mean he’s going to stay that way. I have to assume that the guy giving her fits right now started out as someone she was interested in.
And there’s a corollary:
No matter how beautiful she is, no matter how intelligent, charming, educated, graceful, funny, sweet, kind, loving, warm, friendly, energetic, engaging, endearing she might be—
someone, somewhere, is sick to death of putting up with her crap.
(Yes– I know that goes both ways. That’s sort of the point I’m making here. If you got that, great. If you don’t– well flame away.)
GOD DAMNIT you guys are all a bunch of retards. don’t do this don’t do that…I am going to go home and have a nice beer and vent my anger by punching my wife. So all you people who are all emotional remeber you led me to beating my wife. Even tho she deserves it from time to time.
Predictable.
Not that funny.
I find it funny because right here you can hear a girl admit
“We are stupid and go for d**** instead of nice guys”
Pretty much, yes; that’s how it sounds.
Often more times then naught, some men are deceptive and after getting into a relationship or marriage they abuse their wives, and vice versa.
Twilight fan, right here.
Edward is the abusive one in the Twilight series. Given that abusers often see themselves as the victims in the relationship, your comment disturbs me more than a little.
actually bella is abusive as well. she’s just abusing everyone else instead of edward, whereas edward mainly abuses her instead of everyone else.
check out das_mervin’s livejournal page, she goes through the twilight books in detail, analyzing the characters in a really humorous and clever manner.
Then he must die.
There are no nice guys!
it doesn’t seem like a particularly good or effective message against domestic violence though so i have some sympathy
if someone is abusing their partner, suggesting that they might leave you for someone better is probably not going to have particularly good outcomes
just sayin
You just went super
oh.
snap
1st : hes righ
2nd : the b1tch is wrong…there are like 2 times more woman than man on earth so who cares about some crybaby?? ooh good sir hit that b1tch,enjoy
Even if there were three of four times more women than men, it would simply create a situation where a quarter of the men have multiple partners while the lower quarter would still be dateless.
I would say that only the lower-middle quarter would be dateless.
I can see an upside and a downside.
More choices and more nagging.
How long has it been since out ran out of hand cream? Poor fella.
While she’s letting herself be treated like, there’s some guy ready to be the sponge for her issues and baggage once she leaves your dumb abusive ass……until she’s over being safe and happy, then she’ll go back to the guy who loves her…….. every time he fractures her orbital socket with a hay-maker to her dumb face.
You can take the woman out of the abuse relationship, but you can’t take the abuse dependency and self worth issues out of the woman.
Wow. Then don’t be the next guy, moron.
And if you had ANY idea how controlling some people can be, if you knew that there are women who are literally trapped, unable to leave, no where to go and no way to get there if they had a place to go….
Doesn’t say anything about violence against men, either… It happens more often than you’d think.
Just ask Amber from Teen Mom!
bahaha. you’re right, though, that chick is muy scary…
No kidding. Girl is seriously abusive.
Psychotic – I believe that’s what the psychologists are calling it these days.
http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/1546465?verify=0
70%+ cases of one-way abusive relationships report the woman as the abusive one.
Anyway, back to the topic-
To the dismay of the man who treats her like a princess, she rarely cares about who treats who well. She just holds onto the relationship until it tears her apart, and then says there’s nothing she can do.
Yes, she’s a victim if he attacks her, but for heaven’s sakes. Call the police, leave him and get a restraining order.
Yes, and the vast majority of the time (but not all), a man claiming to be abused is actually the abuser in the relationship. Man punches woman, woman tries to defend herself, man reports that he is abused.
I can understand being upset with your partner if they cheat, but not the person they cheat with so much. How could I blame someone for wanting to bang my hot wife?
I’m so glad youlre not mad at me then, we’re gonna do it again tonight. Just so you know
Cuz the men find it easier to beat up the guy than the girl. They really want to beat up the girl, but may not be THAT quite of a Neanderthal to go that far, but just enough of one to beat up the guy instead.
It also shows dominance to the woman…basically saying, “Flirt with other guys and THIS is what you’ll bring about. Do you really want that?”
But it almost never works and in the end, the relationship ends and it’s the guy’s loss.
Slight difference between flirting and cheating though…
An “Emotional” cheat can be far more detrimental than an actual “Physical” Cheat
Care to explain?
Nice.
pics or it didn’t happen.
are you making a offer?…
Wanting to shag someone else’s wife/gf…ok…
Actually doing it though deserves to be punished by a slow, painful death.
I could see being mad at one’s spouse/significant other. Not at the other party.
And no it didn’t happen, and no, there are no offers. Re-read the initial statement.
I hope it never happens to you mate, I sincerely do.
I’ve been there though and trust me, I want them both dead.
I 2nd that.
I third that. I got left by my fiancee for someone who flirted with her in a pub when she was at uni. She threw away 7 years of being with me for some dumb w&nker who “said he was interested”. I know what you mean man.
Seven *years*?? Damn…how d’you deal with that mate?
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else
- Paulo Coelho
I’m not sure I understand you…
Way I see it, it’s cheating on both sides, so I would most definitely be upset with both parties, but definitely MORE so with my husband than the other woman. It takes two to tango.
Been stuck on the other side, actually. I was “involved” with a woman for six months before I discovered she was married.
Having been in that position, I sort of have to agree with Blake. While it takes two to dance, we can’t just assume that the third person knew anything.
And may I assume you ended the affair the second you found out she was married?
I take it you didn’t quite cry on your mate’s shoulder telling him you’re so scared of losing your girlfriend, then went and dumped her two days later only to drive down to your mate’s girlfriend to shag her, and be shagging her for three months until you tauntingly tell him over the net from a safe distance, right?
Cos that’s exactly what a “mate” of mine did…
Yeah, that stinks. And that is definitely a different situation. But I was going on the idea of both parties knowing, in which case it’s equally wrong on both sides.
… it’s kind of surreal seeing people you knew on here. Srsly.
Screaming, humiliating, offending, insulting and hurting (emotionally), while never good things to do to another, are not domestic violence. They’re not even necessarily abusive (except humiliating and insulting). And considering many women will cry in ANY argument, that’s not even relevant either. This was a good idea but a stupid execution.
Sorry, x, but if this occurs in a pattern, it is psychological abuse. If physical abuse does not accompany it, it likely will develop in the future.
I also dislike this FB post. Most abusers are very jealous and will accuse and assault their partners over real or imagined flirtations and the like. These copy-and-paste FB posts do not help DV victims. If one is against DV and wants to help, one should call the police when one sees it happen and donate time or money to DV agencies. Copy-and-paste statuses are worthless.
copy and paste this if you agree. 93% won’t, will you?
copy and paste this if you agree. 93% won’t, will you?
copy and paste this if you agree. 93% won’t, will you?
copy and paste this if you agree. 93% won’t, will you?
copy and paste this if you agree. 93% won’t, will you?
¿noʎ llıʍ ‘ʇ’uoʍ %Ɛ6 ˙ǝǝɹƃɐ noʎ ɟı sıɥʇ ǝʇsɐd puɐ ʎdoɔ
copy and paste this if you agree. 93% won’t, will you?
¿noʎ llıʍ ‘ʇ’uoʍ %Ɛ6 ˙ǝǝɹƃɐ noʎ ɟı sıɥʇ ǝʇsɐd puɐ ʎdoɔ
I winz!_!
K-k-k-k-kindofaCombobreaker
You guys win the internet!
Yes, if it’s in a pattern of course it’s abusive. That is why I said “necessarily.” As in, just because one of these things happens one or two times, that does not constitute a strictly abusive relationship. But we are in agreement there. My main point is that these things are not domestic violence. Psychological abuse is not violence. As for your argument about physical abuse being likely to develop as a result of psychological abuse, is that just your personal opinion or did you read a study that backs that up?
My field of study is domestic violence, and I have read hundreds of studies about it.
but did they conclude that or is it just your opinion
I don’t know if psychological abuse officially counts as violence (probably depends on your jurisdiction) but I think it should, otherwise male victims of abuse will be under-represented.
Ask any judge who has awarded a divorce for emotional abuse what the definition of domestic abuse is. You can argue with someone and still be respectful and not abusive by humiliating and insulting them. That is only what happens when you are losing the argument and have nothing valid to add so you just want to hurt them instead to try to have power over them. AKA: Abuse.
Even though verbally attacking someone does not leave visible scars, the mental scars it leaves are very real. If you’ve never been in that situation then you really have no idea. Also, as Pit Pat said, very often someone goes from ver bal abuse and moves on to physical abuse.
i know someone that cried because she was called boring… proof crying is not domestic violence.
They’re all boring, you aren’t supposed to tell them.
The “boring” caller could have phrased the statement better if he specifically called her boring. This is where “I” statements come in.
Crying isn’t domestic violence. I don’t believe verbal abuse is considered violence either, but it is abuse.
As someone who suffered verbal abuse my entire childhood, I have to strongly disagree with you. You’d be surprised what words can do, and what constantly being put down, intimidated, screamed at and threatened can do to a person, even if there is no physical violence. It affects you for years and years.
None of you are understanding what I meant. Just because you were offended once does not mean that person psychologically abused you. Just because you were screamed at, does not mean you were verbally abused. If it happens over and over and over and over then yes, that is abuse. That is all I was trying to say… I was not trying to say that “sticks and stones may break your bones but words could never hurt you.”
I think you misunderstood me; I was not offended, but I think I misunderstood you, as well. I thought you were saying that words alone are never abuse. I stand corrected. It does have a lot to do with the attitude behind the words, too. Most people will say something stupid and/or mean to their partner once in a while. It’s part of being human. But like you said, if it’s constant and deliberate, it is most definitely abuse.
haha i figured out what the funny part of this is….people actually believe Facebook status’ makes a difference
“A man” is probably just a gay or pseudo-gay friend. No reason to deprive her of abuse.
Women who are verbally, mentally and emotionally abused may not cry. They don’t dare because if they do then the abuser sees that and feels even more powerful. The crying encourages the abuser who escalates.
So yes, just because you don’t get hit, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t abused. Screaming, offending, etc are domestic violence and can take a long time to recover from. Think about this: “everyone” considers this to be child abuse, so why is it okay to treat your spouse (male or female) this way? I am not talking about the occasional disagreement or fight, but constant, consistent treatment.
Funny… I was just discussing this in the opposite direction the other day.
My father was abusive, frequently taking out his anger at my mother, on me. For instance, the time he whipped me until my legs bled on a tissue-thin pretense. When my mother asked him why he hadn’t asked her about the situation before punishing me (she had given her permission for the thing he whipped me for), he said, “Well, if you’d been here when I came home for lunch, I guess that wouldn’t have happened, would it?”
He was angry because he’d had to make his own sandwich (LITERALLY), so he beat me bloody for something that (a) was a misunderstanding and (b) shouldn’t have been a belt-worthy offense even if it WASN’T a misunderstanding.
Why did he take it out on me? Because if he’d hit her, that’s unquestioningly spouse abuse. If he’d struck her even ONCE, not even leaving a mark, much less drawing blood, there is no argument whatsoever that’s spouse abuse. And that makes him a Bad Person.
BUT if he does it to his kid, well, that’s just good old-fashioned discipline there. Spare the rod, spoil the child, dontcha know. It’s not only his right to beat me, it’s his DUTY as a “good parent.” To ensure that I grow up into a responsible citizen.
*eyeroll*
Amazing, the justifications some humans can come up with as excuses to indulge in their desires to cause pain and humiliation to others. (You’ll see it every time there’s a crime involving a child: The bloodthirsty comments from our society’s Upright Citizens’ as they describe their imagined vengeances. Props, I guess, for trying to channel it towards a person who can be said to “deserve” it, but I still wonder why that desire to commit violence is there in the first place.)
I am not sure i completely agree with part of that statement. Specifically the Children part. screaming at a child isn’t in itself abusive, neither is mild physical punishment. Speaking as the child. I was yelled at, on occasion, and received a spanking when i was both too young to fully understand reason and it was something vitally important to my survival (I was doing something that could end in serious injury for myself or others at a time in my youth when a full understanding of the dangers of what I was doing, such as playing with fire, or a knife, was beyond what I could process) Personally I am thankful for it. when I look back at that time I know that something much worse than the temporary sting on my rear could very well have resulted. Now I will say that I don’t believe a child should be spanked often, it is a fine line, and something that should only be used when it is to correct a dangerous behavior, and nothing but an open hand, on the butt. you feel the sting too, so you know the pain you are inflicting. Finally it can never be because you are angry at the child, or anyone else only because what they did HAS to not happen again for their’s and other’s safety. And there is a time it needs to stop, when the child can fully understand their actions, and the consequences that could result reasoned discourse is the way.
The problem, like many things in this society is that there is no moderation. People are abusive when they needlessly do these things, and the ones who do them tend to over do them. Its really off topic from the OP but this is one of my “soapboxes”
I would advise her to dumb here current partner and date the second guy in her story instead. Problem solved.
You don’t think he’s dumb enough?
I’m surprised only one other person on here pointed out that women are not the only victims of domestic violence. It seems to me /thats/ the message that should be circulated.
These things happen, no matter what sex the abused party is, and it is important to spread awareness, just so people know it’s happening so they CAN report it when they see it.
Because while thats true, it doesn’t happen as often as abuse to the women.
So you don’t hear about it as much. perhaps not the right thing, but how often do you hear about men with eating disorders, and that happens too.
That’s not true, did you actually see any published statistics on the numbers from research that was NOT funded by feminists? Read this for more info: http://kamerondkiggins.blogspot.com/2009/06/truth-damned-truth-and-statistics.html
More like “post this on your wall if you’re one of them sexist feminist types”
I can assure you that I, a feminist, hate this forward message myself. Cause it’s sexist.
Of course, that guy doing all those nice things will never get anywhere with her. He just makes it easier to overlook the negative aspects of her boyfriend and continue to be abused.
I swear, it seems to me that way to many women either like to be abused, enjoy the attention of being abused, or think they are some magical fairy whose love can turn an abusive jerk into a nice guy if they stick it out long enough. And, they do want to stick it out because the boyfriend is generally hot and/or rich.
Generally it’s because they’ve been wooed in by earlier times of fluffiness and bunnies.. And then they either believe those times will come back or are too attached to the person that person once was or they (most likely) actually believe they are what they are being called and that they deserve to be treated poorly.. Because that’s exactly what abuse does.
It’s true, but women yell at you when you point that out to them.
I could shake my cousin…she is with a man who constantly calls her fat, says she is two fat and ugly to ever get anyone else. He strips her confidence down to where she thinks these thing are true, and lowers her down to his level, because HE could never do better.
Go ahead and judge people who are beaten down. But I tell you right now there is not a soul in the world who ENJOYS being abused.
The weird thing is that mean guys tend to do better with women then nice guys. I know lots of single nice guys, yet the mean guys I know are able to pick up women whenever they want. Obviously no one wants to be abused, but it begs the question of why women date guys who are more likely to abuse them.
Sometimes a girl wants to be led rather then lead in a relationship, and this is where they sometimes get drawn in. I’ve been there before, I mean it’s no fun when your the one showing the guy how to do everything. Meeting halfway is what most, if not all relationships need. I found my man in the most peculiar way, I could have any guy I wanted, but I chose him. I don’t regret it at all because he’s nice and caring and loving. Granted we might fight some days, but this is a given. People don’t understand that you have to have a give and take persona, you have to give hard love some days and on others, take a few blows to the pride.
Also, sometimes the nice guys makes the women confused. They either are too shy to show the women interest or the men are liking the wrong women. Trust me, there are a lot of girls out there who are just like those nice boys.
I will never for the life of me understand why someone would stick with an abusive person. I’d rather be alone than be beaten or verbally abused or both. Grow up and get away from your abusive spouse.
Umm.. Often the abusive partner threatens them and they are to scared to escape.
‘Grow up’ Yes all people who are abused need to grow up! It’s all there fault!! (sarcasm)
It is their fault if they do not leave an abusive situation, then they deserve whatever they get. As long as they are an adult that is.
Yes, blame the one being hit and threatened. that works wonders. I hope you never have to test your philosophy. someone who has been intimidated isn’t going to find it easy to just pull away. They fear the pain and suffering that displeasing the other person has brought in the past, so they fear that doing something like leaving that person could cause them to… [insert very bad things... death, dismemberment, loss of bodily function] considering how badly they reacted to things that are truly nothing. IF you can do that, wonderful. that is what we need in society, but don’t assume everyone can bring themselves to get over that fear without a strong support group. Help them, support them, don’t berate them for legitimate fear
There are people who are scared to leave the one abusing them because that person will kill them if they leave. They are threatened by a man slamming his fist into her and screaming that they will KILL THEM.
It happens. Has nothing to do with maturity, as the one doing the abuse is usually the one that is stunted in maturity.
Or they could be kept because their female spouse threatened to report them (the male victim) for spousal abuse if they leave.
A woman who leaves her abusive spouse has a one in four chance of being murdered by him. If she leaves knowing those odds, does she also deserve what she gets?
I never did either, until I found myself in the situation.
Sit down and talk with someone one day, without being judgmental and condescending, and really LISTEN to what they have to say. Set aside your “I’d do it different” mindset (which is a way of blaming the victim – you know, like, “She got mugged? But why was she in that neighborhood at 5:15 anyway? I would NEVER go there after 5, myself. I’ll always be safe, because I’m smarter than that”) and really LISTEN.
When you understand the problem, you can begin to be part of the solution.
But I don’t want to be part of the solution.
Who ever said we elected you to be part of it, anyway? Don’t feel special because your getting attention, cupcake. I’m sure a lot of people hate you right now as they read your comments.
They probably hate me too, but I don’t know them so it makes my day a little easier.
Meghan, it’s not that easy. My ex husband was extremely apologetic and cried after he psychologically abused me. I loved him and he was my best friend so I stayed. We were separated for a long time before I had the courage to finally get rid of him with the help of his family. I suffered psychological abuse as a child from my peers and it left scars and I carried the pain into my adulthood. He wasn’t like that when we got married and I figured we all have bad days where we lash out at people we love. Abuse is abuse whether or not we see the scars.
I’ve suffered psychological abuse as well, and I never got together with a dirtbag. Most people just use that as an excuse. With all that time you wasted on him, you could have found someone that deserved you. I realize that you loved him, but it does not seem like your feelings were returned.
True and I realize that now. I have become more aware of the signs and red flags.
But that doesn’t mean she deserved it, Meghan. Your missing the point here. I’m feeling you’re harboring a bitterness about being abused.
I can understand forgiving someone once for violence, but if it happens a second time there is no reason to stick around. There are literally tens of millions of single men close to your age, many of them could be your new best friend.
I was in a relationship that when it started was amazing, moved in together and for the first 6 months it was amazing, then it was tiny little put downs, you know the ones that you can laugh off/shrug off and then it happens again and again and again until it became daily, before you know it, you’re self esteem has been stripped clean away and you’re stuck in an environment that you know that isn’t remotely good for you.(and for me that was when the violence started)
Leaving just seems like an impossiblity and admitting to family and friends that anything is going on is like admitting that you’ve failed. Believe me, I used to say, what kind of weak willed woman would stay? I’d just get up and go..Easier said than done! Personally, it was my best mate determined to get the truth out of me, that saved my arse!
I’m glad that worked out for you. Maybe there should be a rule, like: if your partner insults you more than ten times in a calendar week, they are starting to become abusive, so you should dump them now while you still can.
Question: Why is there a strange man in my kitchen?
Answer: Because I wanted a friend.
LMAO!!!
I like the pause after “there,” as if the OP isn’t sure where she wants to go.
Who would write such a dumb profile post anyway? If you’re being abused, LEAVE. You don’t need another man waiting in the wings. Just LEAVE
ITS NOT THAT EASY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT THREATS? (some people are so-)
It’s not like they start hitting you right away. It starts really slow and they get under your skin and into your head. Eventually you are so attached that you are willing to do “anything” to make it work because they have got you convinced that everything is your fault.. that you are doing something wrong and that you deserve it. You start to leave but then you panic because you don’t want to be without them.
Also, who is FOR domestic violence? “post this if you are against domestic violence!”Who isn’t….
“post this if you are against domestic violence!” The weak should be killed and eaten.
Also, walking away really isn’t that easy, especially because they can find you and hurt you worse. Or threaten to kill themselves. These people are extremely unstable. You aren’t really safe even after you “just leave.” It takes a lot of support from a lot of people.
It’s illegal for them to find you and hurt you. Call the police, and stay at a friend’s house until the police get that sorted out. Also, if they were mean to you, you are under no obligation to help them deal with their suicidal issues.
“until the police get that sorted out?” lol. the police don’t sort it out. abusers don’t do much jail time.
And there are plenty of people who were killed by their abusers while waiting for the police to sort it out.
People shouldn’t kill eachother.
happens when your messed up, kiddo.
While all the comments about abuse, etc, are perfectly valid, I’m going back to her idiotic statement and phrasing.
Just because this “other guy” is being sweet and kind now doesn’t mean he’s going to stay that way. I have to assume that the guy giving her fits right now started out as someone she was interested in.
And there’s a corollary:
No matter how beautiful she is, no matter how intelligent, charming, educated, graceful, funny, sweet, kind, loving, warm, friendly, energetic, engaging, endearing she might be—
someone, somewhere, is sick to death of putting up with her crap.
(Yes– I know that goes both ways. That’s sort of the point I’m making here. If you got that, great. If you don’t– well flame away.)
This
If you’d just stfu and wash the dishes I wouldn’t have to get this way.
But I love you. Why do you have to hurt me? It’s all my fault.
*Whine whine whine*
GOD DAMNIT you guys are all a bunch of retards. don’t do this don’t do that…I am going to go home and have a nice beer and vent my anger by punching my wife. So all you people who are all emotional remeber you led me to beating my wife. Even tho she deserves it from time to time.
sarcasm… right?
Nah, just trolling epicly :p
nah…not funny…it was like predictable
just like all the other comments on the website…?
I see your name and raise it with a “Right here my boy”.
Yes, domestic violence is not cool. It is not the snizzle for rizzle.
inb4 comments about domestic violence