Submitted by: ShastaMcNasty via Submission Page
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« Previous Either way, ouch. | Typos can make our emo status into a pervy status. Next »
« Previous Either way, ouch. | Typos can make our emo status into a pervy status. Next »
Submitted by: ShastaMcNasty via Submission Page
or if Chuck Norris got annoyed at him and they had a faceoff that started “The Ultimate Showdown”
Staph not “staff”
epic win.
Hahahahahaha!!!
ARG! Mama Cass did NOT DIE eating a sandwich. She hadn’t even taken a bite! That was written down by a doctor who was bigoted against fat people! Go look it up on Snopes before posting stupid ways for Jack Bauer to die on Facebook.
And anyway, Jack should die in a fight to the death with MacGyver.
Heh, that bugged me too. The rest was funny.
[nitpick]Actually, the sandwich was near at hand, so one can certainly surmise that she died (of whatever cause) with a sandwich in hand. The suggestion by no means mentioned Mr. Bauer *eating* the sandwich.[/nitpick]
lol wtf? miss the point much
The sandwich was found at the scene of the crime with a gun in hand… however the glove did not fit. The sandwich went free only to be found guilty of substance abuse with mushrooms a few months later. As it later turned out the sandwich was part of a Cuban drug cartel which is believed to still be run by a rather surly pizza. You know those pizzas that curl up like a witches boot when they have been left in the frige too long… Anyhow the sandwich was killed in an attempted jail break on the 5th of November the following year. Long live the sandwich!
…Choking on a Pretzel.
…from head injuries caused by having a shoe thrown at his noggin.
All of that and no Chuck Norris mentions at all? Wow.
i would have commented … of chuck norris related injuries
Too long, not funny by the end.
…in every episode, like Kenny.
WIN
…from the acute boredom of reading Stasia and John
but u read the whole thing and then even spent enough time to reply!?
That Stasia gal (guy?) is a funny.
…. by the boot of Chuck Norris
Should he be beaten to death by Chuck Norris?
…After twelve hours of passionate sex with a live Porcupine while drinking bleach mixed with sports drinks while zombies teardown his house.
Being sat on by an elephant.. in his bathroom
…of a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
Where exactly is the fail?
seriously davin…shut the fuck up…
just kidding
Word, Cassie died from heart failure because her heart couldn’t take the shock of weight loss and being off drugs for over a year. She’d cleaned up and things were looking pretty bright… Death is a fickle motherf*cker, is what.
And Jack Bauer will die of an infection from a hangnail.
he will die in a Skiing ACCIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!
…fighting Kiefer Sutherland when he’s in a drunken rage.
Wow…..
…reading Failbooking.
Wow indeed. I mean, seriously, who CARES? It’s like the smallest bit of a really funny comment line and these trivia / urban legend geeks get all worked up. Get over it. True or not it was refered to as “Mama Cass STYLE”… were even an untrue rumor can be attributed to someone. Kind of like saying “died with a gerbal in his rectum Richard Gere style”…
Exactly.
… from a pelvis-shattering fart
Nobody cares how she actually died. He was going for the joke factor, not the fact factor. Loosen up.
…struck by stray meteor
… Gunned down while shopping for underware at walmart
Jack Bauer will die by staring directly into Chuck Norris’s eyes.
Definitely not funny…
Um, obviously I care and I am not no one. So no, I won’t lighten up. Not until MacGyver kills Jack.
Nobody could accuse you of lacking self-esteem, could they?
…durring an attempt attack on the president, who appears to be Russian.
… like a boss
NOooo!! I just got that song out of my head after three days of saying LIKE A BOSS!! to everything.. thanks.. thanks for restarting the torture.
TL;DR
…autoerotic asphyxiation
Maybe I’ve got a juvenile sense of humor but I laughed so hard I almost cried. I want to know who these two are so I can add them as friends on my Facebook…
I hate Jack Bauer too, but I stopped laughing about a third of the way down…
So nobody notices that these two people did this for like 1-2 hours straight? dedication…and Im not even sure thats the end…
…struck by a skydiver whos parachute did not deploy correctly.
a case of rampant jock itch!
from broken neck, trying to suck himself off. and Fuk JAMI macgyver sucks
…. in a bizarre gardening accident.
pulling on supermans cape ….and pulling the mask off the old lone ranger are the first two lines from a gravediggaz song….john went wu tang on his ass
More like Jim Croce…. John went all folksong-y on his ass.
No, Jack Bauer dies because he messed around with JIM!
damn, I was going to say “from messing around with Jim”, which had a different meaning back in the 1970s.
…..by dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at him.
…petting a harmless stingray
seattle represent! these people are obviously from sea-town cuz crazy stuff happens to people in white center late at night.
Yes! Clearly the best part of the whole chain. And since I live right next to White Center I know allllll about what this cat is talkin’ about.
Also love the reference to the New Luck Toy Chinese restaurant formerly of the Junction (which is now Talarico’s). Truly epic.
Drew: Crazy stuff indeed, last night i was walking to one of the dive bars on the strip and some harmless old man offered me a few drinks at his place. Long story short I shared a Heineken mini keg with a lawyer named Osama above the triangle pub, and asked me if i would be interested in dating his son.
Kristen: Sad to hear the Toy isn’t around anymore it was the best dive bar in the Junction, besides that one Mexican restaurant that had the $5 bucket o margaritas.
From being run over by Fred Flinstones speeding rolling rock car.
…form compulsively scratching his genitals until he scratches deeply enough to hit a major artery.
… by losing a catfight with a six year old girl guide.
…Penis Envy. After taking a Ken dolls pants off.
Ken’s pants never come all the way off, he’s got permanent plastic tighty-whities (did i spell that right?)
… From using Facebook like the rest of the sheep out there.
Oh I get it, you’re ‘edgy’. You don’t do social networking, you send messages in bottles, keep pen pals and send carrier pidgeons.
Carrier pidgeons are soooooooo retro..
LOL Said the person with no friends to social network with… you do realize you’re reading ABOUT these so called sheep? That seems so much worse to me.
Jack will NEVER die!! so all of you can piss off!
AHAHAHA DYSENTERY! xD
Epic. made me laugh
thankyou for that
best thing i’ve seen all day! bravo
…by setting a donkey on fire or eaten by flying raisins
I like how the post had no Chuck Norris jokes, whatsoever, and somehow, they have made it into the comment thread. Because when describing ways to die, being roundhouse kicked by Mr. Norris is the only way to go.
…impaled on deer antlers.
…from Avada Kedavra
…while messing around with Jim
…taking three steps towards the door
Nice reference to Jim Croce and Skynyrd lol
But, I love the Cure. They make me happy, they don’t make me want to cut myself!
He will be attacked by the Coreys and the rest of the Lost Boys.
@stasia nice gravediggaz ref.
lmao!!!, omg jhon get a life!!!
committing suicide after listening to Obama’s “State of the Union” speech
he chokes to death on a ham sandwich, while arguing with some twit on facebook about the details of Mama Cass’ death.
He should be eaten by the Olsen twins, they need some red meat.
after trying the “Flatliners” experiment again…only this time, he doesn’t come back despite Julia Roberts’ pleading.
…for our sins
Can’t breathe… can’t see… laughing… persistent…
…shot with a Laser Cat.
omg these two need some kind of trophy lol
…after failing to answer the final question correctly to cross the Bridge of Death.
… of being drawn into a van of candy only to find out it was filled with rapists who overpowered him and did nasty things to him before throwing him into a vat of acid, desposing of all evidence.
Amidoinitrite?
…Getting backstabbed by a spy
I can not believe that this hasn’t been mentioned yet!!
The ONLY way he could die, is from a bad reaction— to the 24 hour flu
…from a bite from his pet Chinchilla who gave him rabies
…from getting canceled by Fox.
This was really sad to me and not funny at all. Especially because two winters ago my husband’s grandfather really did fall on some ice and died two weeks later because of the complications the fall brought on.
tldnr
Ya! Jim Croce refrences!
Or maybe… just maybe… He’ll commit suicide after reading these posts…
100th Comment wheee!
Love the Elton John part, though.
I was REALLY hoping for a CCC-COMBO BREAKER!
Sadly it was not to be found
…after being dry-humped by Osama Bin Laden
…in the conservatory, with the rope, by Colonel Mustard.
…from ingesting Pop-Rocks and Coke.
… drowned in his tomato soup bowl
…by attempting the Iron Lotus
Amazing WIN. I wish more ppl on facebook were like this :/
by having had his soul extracted by Tom Riddle, and then being eviscerated by a blind but hungry basilisk.
…doin’ your son.
I love how the guy John in this status is from my neck of the woods. New Luck Toy isn’t even around anymore they got shut down by the health dept.
I want to friend BOTH these people